Reception ages child won’t stop playing with a child that’s not nice to him or others

[Lardlizard]

Any ideas on how to handle ? Been advising him to make other friends but he’s. Worried he will get told off at school for telling. This horrible child he doesn’t want to play with him

Have you spoken to his teacher about this? It's quite important to nip it in the bud now. My advice would be to make an appointment with the teacher, explain what you're worried about and also begin asking other children for playdates.

Playdates with classmates will help him to make other friends. I've always felt that there needs to be MUCH more support at playtimes for primary age children.

We expect them to just manage with the half-eye of a few overworked lunchtime supervisors! It's not enough in my opinion.

Social skills are very varied in primary aged children and some are naturally great at playing with others whilst the majority struggle at some points for varying reasons.

Yes the teacher is aware we are trying to crate as much space with this child as possible due to our child being hurt several times
But our dc is worried he will be told off his he tells the other boy he doesn’t want to play with him
Will be making an appointment to talk it through again
Just at a loss as what to actually do about it

Teacher needs to talk directly with your child and say he is free to decide who to play with (or not play with in this case)

We have had similar. DS1 and another child have a very tempestuous relationship and we have had unexplained bruises, unkind games, and ripped clothing. We did work with school, but mostly on my own DCs confidence and emotional intelligence. He has, for the most part, settled in and has a wider social circle now. I was very wound up at the time but I think He just grew a bit as a person and it got a lot better and on its own

Ds is so worried about getting told off

Poor thing. I don’t think he even has to be as direct (although I don’t see any harm in him saying that he doesn’t want to play if they won’t play nicely). Can he be encouraged to just play with other people instead? It can be really tricky if one child latches on to another though

His teacher needs to tell him that he won’t be in trouble.

I distanced dd from her best friend as the other girl was becoming bossy and spiteful to other kids and isolating DD from mixing with the others.

I invited other kids round to play and met up after school with them and it worked, the other girl has now moved onto about quiet girl and is doing exactly the same.

Ds confidence needs building. Begin by encouraging other friendships. You can do this by inviting other children for playdates. That will help DS forge new playmates in the playground and they will hopefully seek him out...giving him more confidence.

Yeah I’m going to start doing more play dates with other children
I’ve alteady been doing that a bit but I can do it more

And practice with him...roleplay what to say when the other kid is mean.

That’s a good idea, what should he say
Other than no stop that ! THats not nice etc

The teacher took DS1 aside and told him gently that it was ok to say ‘no, thank you’ if he didn’t want to play with someone. Got him over the guilt he felt!

Practice him speaking louder to begin with. A commanding voice is useful even for small children.

First of all, you be the offending boy and give him a little push and say "We're playing my game now!" and see what DS says.

Then ask him to be the boy....he'll likely repeat what you did...and you..in the guise of your son say "No I'm not playing today" in a loud, clear voice and walk away.

Then discuss with DS what the boy might do at this point. He may say "He'll tell the teacher"

So you act that out...tell him it's not going to happen but you're IMAGINING what might happen if the boy did tell. Have him be the boy and you be the teacher...so he comes up to you

"Tom won't play with me!"

"Well, Tom can decide who he wants to play with...go and find someone else to play with"

Explain to DS that not playing with someone is not wrong. He doesn't have to play with ANYONE he doesn;t want to play with.

I did this with my DD who was a very very quiet and shy girl. It helped and she thought it was hilarious too. She'd often ask to pretend play with me after that and she used it as a way to make sense of interactions she'd had during the day.