How to cope with performance parenting?

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SIL is a performance parent, include on the family WhatsApp group. Niece is obviously the best at everything, and impliedly much better at everything than my DD. MIL enables, as SIL is obvs the best parent to ever grace the face of the planet.
DN obviously sleeps better, eats everything healthy she's given, talks more, walked earlier, is on track to cure cancer etc etc. My DD is impliedly the poorer comparison, my parenting is obviously not as good, my child so behind etc.
How do you cope with similar? Have no desire to rock the boat between DH and his family, but would like to glide through like it doesn't bother me, without my self esteem taking too much of a hit.
DD will get there on these developmental things in her own time. I do everything I can to encourage walking, talking etc but I'm at work and DD in childcare, whereas SIL isn't and can go on fabulous days out and learning experiences etc.
Coping strategies most welcome please to ignore with my self esteem intact and without sliding back into pnd.

I wouldn’t even notice as my time and energy is on my own family.

Get off WhatsApp and other social media if you can’t help but get sucked in.

Save your time for your niece when you actually see her in person.

She may just well be very proud of her daughter and her own insecurities duel her need to tell everyone how wonderful her child is. You don’t have to be a part of that unless you choose to.

Never compare you or your family to others. Personally, I never had the time as I was too busy having a wonderful time with my own children. Not that whatsapp and social media crap was around when they were very young.

Fuel

Do they ever actually say that your niece is the best? Family WhatsApp groups are where people tend to proudly share their children's achievements, hers doesn't in any way affect or negate yours.

My SIL felt like you do, my youngest is 2 months older than her baby, and now I can't share literally anything because.everything upsets her as mine did it first, or hers doesn't get to go to classes like mine etc etc. It's such a shame, it's lovely for cousins to be close in age.

Even if she is showing off, you get to choose whether to respond. She's proud of her baby, you can be proud of yours, and feel secretly smug that you are a better role model for not putting other people down to feel better.Are you close to your mil? It sounds like you're not, which might be another reason that she is extra interested in sil's baby, just down to time spent. Do you have a WhatsApp group for your own family where you can share things and have it be about your dd for a bit?

If none of this works, just turn off notifications for your il WhatsApp and live your own life, this isn't worth the angst

Mute the group, and enjoy your Dd.

Just mute the group don't reply or give it another thought and get on with your life

My SIL used to try and do this with me. Whenever she asked me if any of the children were 'doing anything new yet' (with the aim of then being able to say that one of hers did that months earlier) I just said no. If she later spotted them sitting independently/crawling/walking/saying a new word she'd ask when they started doing that. I'd just reply with 'oh, I'm not really sure couple of days/weeks maybe' and move on.

My DP asked me why I never discussed new things the children had done/milestones that had been hit with his family, particularly SIL and I explained that you can't make something a competition if nobody else is willing to compete.

She doesn't bother doing it anymore, soon got bored.

4under4 that is a brilliant off the cuff couldn't give a hoot way of dealing with it well done you, if you don't feed into the nonsense then you are not upsetting yourself.

"impliedly" isn't a word, but does suggest nothing has actually been said to do down your DD. If that's all in your own head then perhaps she's just sharing news that makes her happy about her own DD. Seems you think she shouldn't celebrate her DD's achievements just because you have a chip on your shoulder. That's rather nasty actually.

That isn't performance parenting, that is boasting plain and simple.

"impliedly" isn't a word, but does suggest nothing has actually been said to do down your DD. If that's all in your own head then perhaps she's just sharing news that makes her happy about her own DD. Seems you think she shouldn't celebrate her DD's achievements just because you have a chip on your shoulder. That's rather nasty actually.

This

Well you’re meant to praise the effort rather than the output aren’t you? You could just smile warmly and talk about how it’s great your children always persevere and really try and you can’t remember when they actually did xyz it was just fascinating seeing them work at it.