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Should I break up with him or get help?

2 replies

Rosie23977 · 16/07/2019 09:29

I am sorry to write on here, I am not a mum yet but I find this site so supportive and helpful.

I am 34 years old and have been dating my other half for 5 years. We have a lovely relationship, have similar interests, enjoy to travel together and he is wonderful. He is kind, loving, attentive and adores me. The problem is me. I am not in love with him. I love him dearly, am distraught at the thought of hurting him and know we could have a lovely life together. I am really torn as to whether to work on the relationship and try to get some spark or ‘magic’ between us or whether to split up with him and meet someone else. I met him straight after a breakup and told myself it was just a short term rebound. We slipped into 5 months and he told me he loved me. A year later, it was easier for us to move in as my lease ran out. Throughout this whole time though, I have been working 50-60 hour weeks and my mental health hasn’t been great. He’s been so supportive and really helped me, but the last 5 years have been a bit of a blur. My friends and family adore him. Every ex I’ve had has cheated or been controlling so it is nice to have someone so easily part of the family who I know is good for me. I’ve tried telling him a little of how I feel, and he was hurt but supportive. He said he will marry me and have kids tomorrow. He doesn’t care where or how, as far as he’s concerned I’m his future and that’s all he needs.

I keep panicking as I’m I’m 34, badly want children and a happy marriage but don’t want to just jump into it if it doesn’t feel right. I have been freaking out about the situation for months now but keep numbing it with work. On one hand I’m terrified I will never be really happy with him but on the other hand I am terrified that I will never meet anyone as sweet and wonderful as him. I don’t know whether to try and get counselling to work on myself, if we should get counselling together or if I should leave him.

I’m sorry for the long message, I am so confused and don’t have a gut feeling on it at all.

OP posts:
Rosie23977 · 16/07/2019 09:31

I would appreciate any advice or thoughts

OP posts:
VenusClapTrap · 16/07/2019 09:40

Personally, I think friendship and kindness in a marriage is more valuable than some kind of fairytale spark, as the spark often fades anyway after a few years.

But others will disagree and say that life is too short to settle.

I’m a pragmatist, and I have too many unhappy friends who’ve been holding out for too long for something that may never happen.

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