Should I break up with him or get help?

[Rosie23977]

I am sorry to write on here, I am not a mum yet but I find this site so supportive and helpful.

I am 34 years old and have been dating my other half for 5 years. We have a lovely relationship, have similar interests, enjoy to travel together and he is wonderful. He is kind, loving, attentive and adores me. The problem is me. I am not in love with him. I love him dearly, am distraught at the thought of hurting him and know we could have a lovely life together. I am really torn as to whether to work on the relationship and try to get some spark or ‘magic’ between us or whether to split up with him and meet someone else. I met him straight after a breakup and told myself it was just a short term rebound. We slipped into 5 months and he told me he loved me. A year later, it was easier for us to move in as my lease ran out. Throughout this whole time though, I have been working 50-60 hour weeks and my mental health hasn’t been great. He’s been so supportive and really helped me, but the last 5 years have been a bit of a blur.

My issue is I’m 34, badly want children and a marriage and to buy a nice house. On one hand I’m terrified I will never be really happy with him but on the other hand I am terrified that I will never meet anyone as sweet and wonderful as him. I don’t know whether to try and get counselling to work on myself, if we should get counselling together or if I should leave him.

I’m sorry for the long message.

I think it's a difficult one. Plenty of people will say, you don't love him, move on, you're young etc. But honestly? Good men don't grow on trees. No one can guarantee for you that you would meet someone else, at least not someone decent. There's a guy in my past that I wish I'd tried harder with, but I thought it would be easy to meet someone else. It wasn't. Yes I dated but none of them matched up to him and now he's married and I'm alone. It's a big regret for me.

Don't make any snap decisions. I think counselling for yourself is a good idea. Is there any way you can work a little less? I find that when I'm really stressed I don't want anyone around me or to speak to anyone. This may be the case and that he isn't the issue, you just want some time alone. You may decide in the end that you really can't make it work, and that's ok. But give yourself some time and space first to decide.

What @Asta19 said.

At 34 it's normal to consider whether to uahoukd sete or move on for better. And of ocurse he deserves someone who loves him like he loves you. But depending on how long you've felt this way, after 5 years I'd take the time to really think it through.
Are marriage and kids on the cards in the short term certainly don't rush into anything difficult to untangle yourself from. But finding a better balance with work, taking some time for you as you and you as a couple might help you see what you actually want

Let him meet someone else and stop being selfish.

your wasting his years