im a father want to kill myself but the love for my child stops me, its not because of the child life just seems to be so hard and im so stressed, the wife dont understand and i struggle to explain my emotions, we argue constantly, work is a pooh storm constantly and I only ever feel like I'm fighting fires and never get time to actually do work, I'm up to to my eyes trying to decorate the house and am up till midnight most nights trying to get things done.
The wife does all the cooking and cleaning, we share responsibiy for my boy,
The wife moans at me a lot and says I don't do enough, and she doesn't like living in the mess, we always argue about money I don't think she thinks about what she spending, she does work aswell though.
Everything I do never seems to be enough, we've just had a wonderful couple of days at Thomas land but the on the way home I missed a turning that added 20 mins onto the journey, my wife loves to tell me when I've made a mistake and I will be told multiple times that I've made a mistake and what it's cost us and how much of an effect it has on everything else, this is a general daily / weekly occurrence, sometimes I wonder what I do so wrong half the time.
I admit I do have a temper, last night ended up with me speeding and screaming at her to shut up, which upset my boy and I just immediately broke down at how upset he was.
I struggle so much to vent my feelings and when I do I get attacked and they always get twisted and turned and it ends up feeling like a competition.
I'm normally the strong one as the wife has suffered from depression in the past, but I just want to give up on it all, I can't bare feeling like this it's been on my mind for months,I often drive to work thinking I could just drive I to a lamppost and end it there and then and wonder if I would really be missed and how much better everyone's life will be. But then I think about my boy, and his little loveable face and kind happy heart and I don't want to miss any of it.
It's just so hard I got no one to talk to who'll listen and offer advice.
I do love my wife and she is really good with my son, and if it wasn't for her organising the family days out I wonder if I were to be on my own if I could survive or be any good as a parent.
I feel ashamed of writing this post, I only come on here through a Google search of suicide and saw that members on here suffered these thoughts and the responses seemed so helpful