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He's still using tindr despite us having had 4 lengthy dates (once a week for a month) - it's not looking good is it?

11 replies

LottaBerry · 15/07/2019 23:57

He's still using tindr despite us having had 4 lengthy dates (once a week for a month) - it's not looking good is it?

His location updates (it hasn't changed while he's been at home but now he's gone abroad, it has)...

We've had 4 lengthy (10+ hour dates), having started chatting about a month ago. He makes a super high effort planning all our dates, takes the lead, is super clingy (in a good way), remembers everything I say and wants to know tons about me, texts me all day everyday, told his friends about me so I'm a bit puzzled why he'd go on tinder still.

I KNOW it's only been 4 dates (I've been busy during the week) but why seem so utterly obsessed yet continue to go on it? I wouldn't expect him to delete his account but checking it feels odd..

I think it's virtually impossible someone would want a long term relationship with a particular person if they're still using the app after 4 "amazing" dates. Surely they're still "shopping around" as they're not entirely happy?

Any success stories of being in this situation and the relationship still working out?

OP posts:
brotown · 15/07/2019 23:58

Maybe he’s on there to check if you’re in there still ? !

Pipandmum · 16/07/2019 00:02

It does suggest he doesn’t want to be exclusive yet. Why don’t you ask him? Did you meet on Tindr? Just say ‘ hey I’ve resigned from tindr now as I really like you and things seem to be going well, what do you think?’ See what he says!

Lottaberry · 16/07/2019 00:02

@brotown that’d be the most optimistic situation but I highly doubt he’d check if I’m using it when he’s abroad as surely the __ km away value will change as a result of him being on it from abroad so he’d not be able to tell anything about whether I was on it (if that makes sense!)!

OP posts:
dothewalkoflife · 16/07/2019 00:06

I met my soon to be DH on Tinder. By date four, honestly, I must say I was a bit apprehensive when he deleted Tinder. I still had mines, though hadn't admittedly logged in. Its like the modern day commitment!! Him saying to me led me to delete mines, realising how ridiculous it was really, given I just really wanted to see him. That was four years ago.

Have the conversation!!

Sparklyring · 16/07/2019 07:45

I think after only 4 dates that it's not unrealistic that he would still be chatting to other people. That's kind of the point of OLD. Once its past the odd date like you've had then have the talk about both deleting profiles.

newmomof1 · 16/07/2019 07:54

You're clearly still on Tinder too.
Have you spoke to him about where your relationship is headed?

ShatnersWig · 16/07/2019 08:06

Yep, the obvious question is - how do you know he is still on Tinder? Presumably because YOU are! Doesn't that seem a bit, well, double standards?

And no, unless you've had an exclusive talk, there's absolutely nothing wrong with what he is doing. In fact, the advice to most people doing online dating is to do precisely this and not put all your eggs in one basket.

Lottaberry · 17/07/2019 19:06

Thanks everyone. Nope I haven't spoken to him about it as I'd think that if they really wanted to stop searching, they would rather than being sort of pressured into it by me asking or in fear of upsetting me.

In the past, I've dated others who stopped logging into those kinda apps even after the first date and then removed their account off it completely after 3 or 4 dates. I wasn't expecting him or anyone to completely get rid of the app at all (likewise, I've still kept the app) but it's another thing to actually still be actively using it I suppose?

He seems very interested and happy to be with me but who knows, maybe some people treat their back-ups really well?

OP posts:
ThisIsTheFirstDay · 17/07/2019 19:07

Wont his location change automatically? Doesnt mean hes actively using the app as far as I'm aware?

Lottaberry · 17/07/2019 19:39


No, I think it only changes when someone actively opens the app, especially so as when he's at home, he goes out and about in his town, to nearby towns to visit friends but his location never changed (not even by 1 mile) yet when he goes abroad, straight away there's a huge change in the number of miles away he is.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 17/07/2019 19:42

4 dates is early on and if there's no conversation about being exclusive then I don't think he's done anything wrong.

Ultimately you've seen each other in the last 28 days. I wouldn't expect anything at that stage.

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