I've had enough

[delilabell]

I know this is a miserable post.
I also know it's potentially very outing so this is why I've out it in chat.
I've completly had enough.
My ds is adopted. He's 7. He's got fas and spd. He wears me out. I'm dreading the summer holidays with him. He's like an emotional diracell bunny. He will not go anywhere without me. He never sits still. He has angry violent meltdowns.
My dd is 3.she is a stroppy toddler.
I struggle to take them both out by myself and have noone who will have them for me.
Last year I had a break down I was off work for months because if how rhe summer holidays where. I dread them being the same this year.
My and my dh fetto spend no time together because bedtimes are so rubbish. Dd still comes into us in the night. We darednt let her cry cis she'll wake ds.
Ds often doesn't get to sleep til after 9.
Me and dh haven't had a night out together since December.
I'm at rock bottom. I've had enough. I can't see how life will ever get better.

I have no advice to offer but I didn't want to read and run, I hope someone who is able to offer some will be along soon. In the meantime I'm sending virtual hugs, you sound like you need them.

Holiday survival is planning here.
I also have one adopted DC but so far she is only showing signs of being a threenager!
Make a list of things you know they will like. A list of things they can do at home to keep them occupied and a list of activities to do. Also make a list of strategies for inevitable melt downs. Does your son struggle with lack of routine? Mine does so maybe a visual timetable would help too?
The adoption board may have some other ideas.

The adoption board might be more helpful.

Are there any summer holiday camps your older child can go to for a bit or nursery for your younger child?

I've been where you are OP. Planning and routine is key for us, we try and do the same things on the same days (where poss) and use a weekly planner that we complete every Sunday to show what's happening. Being out of the house at least once every day also helps, even if it's a walk or park, that happens no matter what the weather. Reducing choice reduces anxiety here. We've designed a self play chooser that has a photo of all the activities that can be done with me, when I need 5 minutes (or whatever) we select an activity from that and then set a timer. Halfway into the timed activity, I check in and give encouragement, otherwise it's too long away from me. We also have sensory activities to help with regulation, peanut ball, trampette and trampoline, swing and gorilla gym etc. We prompt use of these when needed. Cosmic kids yoga on YouTube is also a good joint activity. Have you joined NATP? They'll have a local listening circle of parents in similar positions and can offer training and support for a really reasonable membership fee. Post adoption support any good? Please feel free to PM me, you're not alone in this, so many of us have been where you are 💐

Thank you for your posts.
Ds never went to sleep til nearly 10 last night so couldn't come back to comment.
My dd is in preschool which finishes this week. I tried ds at a summer club last year and he refused to go back after one day and the comedown for the next few days was awful. We've finally got him to look at beavers but that's not on over the summer. He struggles to not be in the same room as us and then constantly wants us to be paying him attention. It's exhausting.
This year I have done a timetable for the holidays because last year was so dreadful. I think I feel very anxious of it being the same as last year aswell.
And I feel such a rubbish mom when everyone's saying how they can't wait for the holidays and I'm dreading it.
Thank you @LateMumma for your info too. What is a peanut ball?

It's like a yoga/exercise ball shaped like a peanut, we got ours in Argos. My little person likes to roll over it, ride it and be steamrollered by it. Worth its weight!
You are so far from alone in how you feel, although I'm guessing it doesn't feel like that? 💐

@LateMumma thank you so much I'm going to order one of those. Ds had a gym ball but it got launched so many times. I'm hoping the shape might make him think its not a football. I've took your advice and made a plan. I've not shown it to children cos ds will obsess about it but it's helping me to see its all more bareable.

Good luck OP. I’ve no experience but I was just think this morning when my littlest was acting up how much harder it is to parent and be a happy parent when the child is being challenging so serious respect to anyone with children that need more support and patience every day.

Thanks @Happyspud thats very kind of you.
We're not doing well with the hot weather here. Ds is obsessing about things today. So far we have a row of 8 forkys from toy story and page after page of superheroes

Let me know how you get on. It's truly difficult a lot of the time, but you've got this ❤️ If you want to offload or share ideas, I'm here X