Mean girls in the office?

[NoNameNC]

Name changed...

Like in the film Mean Girls... Where a character slags off a peer to a mutual friend, in the hope that they will join in, just so that they can tell everyone the mutual friend said a nasty thing... What is that called?

I have been having some issues at work and a colleague I'll call them D, has been slagging off other colleagues and trying to get me to agree. Now sometimes these things seem quite general, like they think a new person on the team (person E) is struggling, so when I worked with the newbie, I was couldn't help but pay attention to see if they were.
Or they point out that person F is lazy and then you say, you've never noticed these things, but start to notice because of confirmation bias I guess. I like and respect my colleagues and no one is perfect, we all have faults and we all do things that annoy others, but we are all just people in the end. I don't think particularly negatively about any of them.

I think D has been trying to get me to say negative things about the other colleagues, so they can then go and report back to be mean about me. I think this is because I've done some unknown thing to offend D. Although I have no idea what I've done.

The other day colleague G made some veiled comment about someone stabbing all their colleagues in the back to person D, while I was there and they exchanged smirks.

I feel like maybe I'm just paranoid, but I'm going off for an operation in a few weeks for 3 months and recently colleague G made a sarcastic comment that 'some of us will miss you more than others' and that's only because someone on the team doesn't like change.
A while back the same colleague told me I was 'too perfect'. I don't know if I'm being really paranoid/experiencing social anxiety to the max or if I'm picking up on something here...
It's really getting me down.
Any ideas what's going on here?

Yes. Your colleage D is going around spreading her bile, but telling them that it was you that said it.

Smile, rise above it all, and never ever voice an opinion on anything other than your actual work. In the 3 months you are away, things will change and D will pick on someone else instead. She'll trip herself up and be found out eventually.

I can’t be done with silly games and I’m very direct.

I’d tell her that I’m not going to be drawn in to her pathetic game and run anyone down do she can repeat it to everyone. Then my eyes would narrow and smile and wait for her to scuttle off.

If she was so thick as to try and deny it, I’d laugh at her.

As Soola said, don't be drawn into it. Keep conversation strictly about work rather than the workers.
I've always refused to be drawn into gossip and hearsay. I just say I don't want to hear it and walk away.

Give it back to her.

colleague G made a sarcastic comment that 'some of us will miss you more than others' and that's only because someone on the team doesn't like change.
A while back the same colleague told me I was 'too perfect'.

^

Say: What exactly do you mean? Be direct.

Then wait.

Persist.

Just fight fire with fire.

This look works well in those situations.

Ugh, no you're not being paranoid some people are just arseholes. Rise above it, don't get drawn it, don't talk shit about anyone, don't engage D unless it is to spit in their cup of tea while you're making it...(only joking, sort of)

I worked somewhere like this. It was actively encouraged by the boss- he would get us to agree with negative comments he made about others in the team, and then report back to said person. That person would then retaliate with comments and they would be passed back to the original 'offender'!

It meant there was a constant atmosphere of distrust and bitchiness.

He was a manipulative weirdo and I left because of it, as did everyone else sooner or later!