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Original poster

Childcare for 'adult' time

17 replies

JamMakingWannaBe · 15/07/2019 12:37

Just looking for opinions on this really as it's not something I'd considered was a thing.

DD is 4. I've been asked by two separate Mum's recently if I want to send her on alone on a play date to allow me / DH some 'adult time' with the explicit expectation they would expect this to be reciprocated. One mum wanted to enter into a regular agreement, the other mum mentioned a sleepover so when we reciprocate she can go out and get drunk and not have to get up with the kids.

Personally I go on play dates so I can have a coffee and a chat with the parents - not for childcare. Obviously she'll go alone when she's older but surely she's too young at the moment? (and no, DH and I do not need assistance with 'adult time'!)

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 15/07/2019 12:52

Two mums have offered to have your kid so you can have sex? Really?

foxyfemke · 15/07/2019 12:57

How strange! My DS is 4 and we had the first play date last week where the parent dropped the child off and came to pick him up again. I think this starts from around this age. But this certainly wasn't suggested for adult time! However, I would expect I can drop off my son at some point after school for a playdate and then go home, or do the food shop in peace.

Sleepover though, waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too young!

Luaa · 15/07/2019 13:22

But did they say 'adult' time as in sex or adult time, like some time to yourself/with your partner, maybe get nails done or shop or go for a meal without a young child?

I love it when I get childfree time and can wander around the shops at my leisure.

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Original poster
JamMakingWannaBe · 15/07/2019 19:57

One of them used the word 'adult time' and meant childfree time. The other was definitely alluding to sex. She's desperate for my DD to stay over so I can repay the favour.
I go to the gym, my hobbies, late night shopping etc either after work or when DD is in bed. I don't necessarily need an arrangement for childfree time. I love hanging out with my daughter.

OP posts:
Chovihano · 15/07/2019 20:02

Good for them, they are obviously putting the effort into their relationship and the other one perhaps a sp with nobody else to ask so she can go out.

Apparently, Sunday schools were brought in to allow for free adult time.

reluctantbrit · 15/07/2019 20:30

We started parent free play dates in Reception unless the parent was a friend not just a “mum of DD’s friend”.

Sleepover - DD had her first at 4 but she knew the parents and their house for over 2 years by then, I would never have a child over at this age I only know from play dates for the odd hour with the parent in tow. That sounds like a recipe for disaster and if the parent in question wants to use the evening for drinking you have a problem if the child is upset and wants to go home.

Fatted · 15/07/2019 20:33

It's probably to benefit them more tja than it is you if you feel like it's being offered with the expectation of being reciprocated.

I would politely decline. Otherwise you will be getting constantly dumped with other people's children constantly.

CitadelsofScience · 15/07/2019 20:39

God I feel uncomfortable reading that Shock

mindutopia · 15/07/2019 20:52

Play dates like this are normal from this age (start of reception). I don't know anyone who goes along to a play date with their dc from school age. In fact, I'd be pretty put out if a parent showed up and then expected me to sit and entertain them (the parent, I mean). It's definitely so you can get things done (the child free parent) and so the parent with the children gets their child entertained (and can usually get on with things around the house themselves). If you don't want to though, it's fine to just say maybe another time. But it really is a great time for them to play independently with their friends without you hovering. Whatever you use that time for. It's still quite early for sleepovers except with an adult they know well (like an aunt or grandparent) though.

BooseysMom · 15/07/2019 21:04

DS is 5.5 and went to play at his friend's house for the first time recently. I know the mum from school drop-off and pick-up time and parties. She offered and at first i felt a bit anxious as i've always been there the whole time but DS had a great time and his friend's mum sent me vids of them playing which was lovely of her. We've agreed to make it a regular arrangement thru the hols. DS is our only and i'm just so grateful he's got a few friends otherwise it's 6 weeks of moaning, nagging and me tearing my hair out and counting down the days to the new term!

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 15/07/2019 21:45

Bloody hell my eldest is 22 and no one ever offered in all those years (and 3 subsequent children) to have them so I could nip home for a shag
Have I been doing this play date thing wrong all of these years?
Or have you got the wrong end of the stick ... so to speak

Original poster
JamMakingWannaBe · 15/07/2019 22:23

Definitely got it right. They moved house recently and bought their DS (4) a bed with a truckle guest bed for sleepovers. I think she thinks she's doing me a favour in that DH and I can have a night out, get drunk and not have to get up early in the morning. We just don't live that lifestyle. If she books a babysitter for a night out she still has to manage the hangover in the morning - but not if her son is staying at mine...

Thanks for confirming the general rule is to leave them for play dates once they start reception.

OP posts:
BlueSkiesLies · 15/07/2019 22:34

Maybe you could put the two friends in touch with each other? Then they can swap babysitting without you getting all judgy about it.

Maybe83 · 15/07/2019 22:38

I see it all the time on here suggestion to make babysitting reciprocal arrangements with other parents if no family etc. Maybe they are mumsnetters!

My dd and playdates have now started to be drop and leave.

Chochito · 15/07/2019 22:46

It's fine for them to ask, and it's fine for you to say no.

4 is the age when most kids start going on playdates alone however it's also quite common that the parents enjoy each other's company and want to hang out during the playdate too, (rather than one parent doing the childcare and the other getting 'adult' time, whatever that might entail).

I guess it's the subtle difference between playdate and babysitting...

Stompythedinosaur · 15/07/2019 23:00

I mean this nicely, but is there any chance that they don't want to be hosting you as an adult during playdates? I know I have friends over so the dc will be kept busy and I can get on with my own jobs, and having a parent tag along would be a real pain. I wouldn't have expected a play date with a school age child to mean their parent came too.

BackforGood · 15/07/2019 23:01

Agree - it is fine for them to ask.
Babysitting circles used to be a thing that was much more common. It is useful to have friends that will look after your dc. You say you like having her with you, but what about when you need to go for a smear test, or a longer dentist appointment, or a funeral, or 101 other places that aren't great places to take a child.
You don't have to get into the sleeping over bits yet if you don't want to but I wouldn't turn up my nose at your dc getting used to having a nice time playing a a friend's house. One day, you might need it and then isn't the best time for it to be your dc's first time away from you.

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