Worried about ex’s memory but we aren’t on speaking terms and he listened to nothing that I said when we were together in a any case

[Flyingquestion]

Ex and I have not lived together for 15 months, and I got divorced due to his emotionally abusive behaviour.

While we were still together he had for a long time had this thing where he would sometimes not recognise the streets he was driving on, or know how to get somewhere until he recognised some landmark. He started taking vitamin B12 but I don’t know if he is still doing that.

I told him at the time to to to the GP - several times, but he didn’t, and in any case rarely took on board what I had to say about anything.

I hadn’t thought about any of this for a long time, and ex had no longer mentioned it. Some time later we went through a horrible divorce, and are not on speaking terms.

Then the other day I noticed that ex had left some of his crockery here - I asked dd about it who then asked him. He apparently thought it was ours and he was bringing it back thinking he had borrowed it.

Except that it is a new set that he must have bought when he moved out and I have never seen it before. So he took it from his house to mine, thinking it was ours. But it 100% definitely isn’t.

I then asked dd if ex was still not recognising streets sometimes. She didn’t say anything about that, but did say that he had recently messaged her asking her to come and try some food with him - as if she knew nothing about this food. She then reminded him that the first time he had tried it she had been with him and she had tried it too .

So it has all come flooding back to me and of course now not only would he still probably refuse to go and see the GP, he isn’t talking to me at all.

I guess I just have to hope that he has been or will go to the doctor - after all I am not in his life any more and I don’t really know what is going on.

I just feel so sad and wondering if these symptoms may be nothing much - they’re not necessarily a sign of dementia are they?

I know I am more forgetful than I used to be - I am generally okay though, and am putting my recall loss down to the peri menopause.

What other things could ex’s lapses in memory be due to?

I have been experiencing some memory issues lately, and I've been diagnosed with low vitamin b12 and folate.
I'm 40. How old is your XH?

Early 60s.

Folate - that’s interesting. Are the supplements helping?

Perhaps keep a note of these incidents and then you will see if there is a pattern or an escalation?

He needs to see a GP, unfortunately.

Lapses in memory can also be stress induced. But if the problem is more pathological, it coudl be a number of other things, none pleasant.

If he has an understanding GP, the best bet is getting DD to contact them with her concerns, no playing anything down. If someone won’t normally of their own volition when family raise concerns, it’s not unheard of for a GP to be able to get a patient in for a ‘routine type of check’ in fact to probe these concerns further.

Does DD ever get in the car with him? I personally wouldn’t. What does she think about his behaviour?

*If someone won’t normally of their own volition go to the GP when family raise concerns

I really cannot type today.

The dc never mention this. It came up because of the crockery incident and I asked.

She is too young to call his GP sadly. I am not even sure who his GP is at the moment. But I hadn’t thought of the being asked in for a routine check up - I guess GPs must do this kind of thing quite often?

Ex is very capable in his work etc, but I have read that the first stages of dementia can rumble on for a long time.

If that was me I would want to get myself to the doctor so that I could either be put on some medication that might help, or find out that it is something else that is completely rectifiable.

Re the meal he had forgotten he had had with dd, apparently he made light of it and started cracking jokes about vitamin B12.

My mum is like this - she has been told they are 98% sure it’s stress but they had to rule out dementia , anything else organic first . She has short term memory issues and difficulty processing stuff, sequencing and various other things . Had to have a CT brain, lots of blood tests , and see lots of doctors .

Interestingly she has B12 anaemia and is on injections , also folate and iron defficient and has something called macrocytic anaemia too .

She is too young to call his GP sadly. I am not even sure who his GP is at the moment. But I hadn’t thought of the being asked in for a routine check up - I guess GPs must do this kind of thing quite often?

How old is she? I’d put anything in writing, too, not call. Easier on the GP and concerned family member raising an issue. Yes, it happens. Bit of a ruse. I’m speaking from unfortunate experience, obviously.

Ex is very capable in his work etc, but I have read that the first stages of dementia can rumble on for a long time.

This is true.

If that was me I would want to get myself to the doctor so that I could either be put on some medication that might help, or find out that it is something else that is completely rectifiable

I’d be the same but sadly many aren’t. Anecdotally I do feel men are often more likely to be the opposite.

Dd is 15 and very shy. I know she would refuse. Though I wonder if I could write? Would the GP (if I find out exactly who it is) dob me in to ex?

I’m speaking from unfortunate experience, obviously.. I am sorry .

Thanks for telling me about your Mum as well @namechange35. I hope she feels better soon. Thanks for the information regarding the supplements and medication she is taking.

Bless her.

No, the GP shouldn’t let anything on. It certainly wouldn’t hurt to write yourself if you can find out who he’s with. A decent GP will still take what you say into account.

And thank you. I do hope this is all nothing or a blip