Is it irresponsible to tell your DC you're pregnant in the first few weeks

[pizzaparty5]

Just that really.
I've noticed some people tell their children they're expecting another baby from quite early on, before 12 weeks.
I can't help thinking it's a little unfair, incase the pregnancy is not viable or ends in the first trimester.
Wondering what people's thoughts are?
I have recently become pregnant and I'm not planning to tell my DC until the first scan at the earliest.
Or, perhaps it's best to involve DC in this from the first few weeks? Maybe it depends on their age.

People will make the decision based on the age of their children and family circumstances.

It's probably harder to hide 'mum's throwing up 10 times a day' from a 10 year old than a 3 year old.

There’s no right or wrong answer. All families are different.

I'd only tell mine personally after 12 weeks, only because of what we went through prior to that (toxoplasmosis, lost foetus at 22 weeks) . It was horrific.

It really depends. Generally I would personally prefer to wait until after the scan however this pregnancy I've had HG from early on and my 4-year-old was really worried about me throwing up/being in hospital so we decided telling her earlier was better than having her worry.

I've told my son about all my other pregnancies because I get hg very early on and I also have high risk pregnancies and we feel like its best for him to know.
He is also aware that he has siblings in heaven and grieved with us when they died

I told my 4.5 year old when I was about 8 weeks because I was being sick every day and he knew my mum had died after being “ill for a really long time”. So I didn’t want to worry him. But I told him it wasn’t guaranteed we’d have a baby. Forgot to tell him not to tell the whole school though 😂

I wanted to wait till 12 weeks to tell DS (age 3) but I was throwing up multiple times a day by 7/8 weeks, and had to stop breastfeeding him as well (taking anti sickness tablets).
He understood that mummy was growing a baby in her tummy and it makes mummy poorly and tired.

I was also outed by HG. My 3 year old was worried that I “might never get better” so I had to tell him. I’m not talking about it a lot though or discussing “when the baby gets here” type things. Just in case I guess.

I am on the fence with this. Something could happen at 8 weeks or 20 weeks so i don't think it matters when they know. For me it's the age of the children and do they understand that you are pregnant for a long time and if you have morning sickness to reassure the DC that everything is ok.

Well I personally wouldn't, but I think as long as you're conscious of and prepared for the consequences should the pregnancy not work out then I think it's fine.

It depends on the circumstances. I wasn’t sick so didn’t need to tell my toddler early on but I am rhesus negative so it was important she didn’t hit my stomach etc. I told her after a scan but I can’t remember if it was one we had at 8 weeks or 12. If I hadn’t been rhesus negative I think I’d have waited a bit longer.

I didn't think it would upset me if I miscarried so I didn't think it would upset DC.
I guess I'll never know if I was right.
My mother had lots of m/cs and wasn't in the slightest bit upset by them.

Can't remember when or what I told my own DC.

Boggles my mind that OP can be so confident they know best for everyone else.

We told DD (3) early, about 8 weeks as she was worried about me being poorly. I want to be very open with her about loss and things like that though (in an age appropriate way), if I had miscarried I think she should know why mummy is sad and she can speak about her feelings on that.

I told my then 4 year old when I was 10 weeks. MMC at 13 week scan. It broke my heart having to tell her, next time round I didn't tell her until after my 16 week scan.

My mum in a receptionist in the ultrasound department that carries out the 20 week scan and is often left looking after children because the parents have brought them along to the scan and then had to be taken to the counselling room because the baby has died or has problems. I think some people just don't expect things to go wrong and that's why they tell their children/bring them to the scan.

When I had my MMC I had a gut feeling from the beginning that something would be wrong but I still went ahead and told my daughter. To this day I still can't understand why I told her and I could kick myself for it

I wouldn't. When I was pregnant with DS I was waiting ages for a scan and a family walked in, mum, dad and son who looked to be around 10. The woman got called in for her scan, all three got up to go in and after about 5 minutes the boy came back out alone, and another sonograoher went in. And after a while the mum and dad came out crying and one of the sonographers was comforting the woman saying how sorry she was This whole time the boy was looking really worried and he was so upset when he saw his parents come out of the room.

Ours were too close together for the eldest to notice, but I'd probably leave it until after 12 weeks if I had another.

DC have count downs to end of term, birthdays and Christmas at the moment... It would be a very long pregnancy .

@lljkk ???
Boggles my mind that OP can be so confident they know best for everyone else.

Did you actually read my OP? I was giving my opinion and then asking for others opinions, and wondering if was an age thing.
How did you get that I was saying I know what's best for everyone else from my post... it was a question not a statement. Thanks.

Yes I agree. I lost four pregnancies and didn't tell my dd until after 12 weeks.

DC1 was still only a baby (8 months old) when I fell pregnant with DC2, and didn’t really have any concept of where her brother came from, even though I was visibly rounder - she was too little to connect the two things.
DC1 is now 4yo, DC2 is 2yo and I’m pg with DC3. I suffer from hideous morning sickness, but we just told them that “Mama is just a bit poorly and tired at the moment” up until the 12 week scan. I showed the DCs the picture and told them that it was because there was a baby in my belly that I was feeling so poorly all the time, but I would start to feel better as the baby grows. I’m 30 weeks now, and DC1 especially loves talking to her baby sister and feeling her kick around etc. DC2 is just way more excited about his dinosaurs

It depends on the age of the child. We told DSS very early but then PIL were talking about booking a big expensive holiday for all of us around my due date and I didn't want everyone to be disappointed. I was only 4 weeks but they were wanting to put a deposit down so we basically blurted it out over dinner. I was also extremely tired which DSS noticed and by 6 weeks I was vomiting a lot. He is 15 though so he probably would have guessed anyway.

I waited until first scan. Mainly because I didnt want to mess with my own head if it wasnt viable.

Luckily I wasnt too ill so I got away with it!

My 3 year old at the time was told at 12 weeks with my second but we sadly lost the baby at 16 weeks . To be honest I don’t think she remembers . If they were older I would be more cautious .

I don't know what's to be gained by telling a child early, and there's much to lose. 40 weeks is a very long time for a child. It is for a woman too! I've seen families where the children were really over involved in a pregnancy and it left them very vulnerable.

I think if you tell them early you should tell them about the risk of MC as well, so that they can accept it more easily if something does happen. Fact is it’s not uncommon and is most likely in first trimester

I'd've preferred to wait until 12 weeks but I had a scan at 7 weeks which created a childcare nightmare and DP told DD then. I'm not sure why he did that but hey it was done. She was 3 at the time and we then had a long old seven months with her asking when the baby would come! I have a history of loss too so no idea what was going through his mind.