Have also posted this elsewhere but not getting many replies.
My Dad has been my Mom's carer for the past 40+ years. Her mental health has been hard to cope with but he has done his best. 5 years ago his health deteriorated and they had to live separately. Mom really kicked off when he moved out but it saved his life. Unfortunately her behaviour can get very out of control and she is banned from visiting his care home! We've always had to hide things from her to prevent trouble. She would play up at the slightest thing. She used to throw his medication down the loo etc it was a bad environment to live in.
Now my Dad is very poorly in hospital, it could go either way. The Dr said that Dad has lost the capacity to make decisions and now it's up to me to make them ( I do have power of attorney). My Mom has been phoning the care home, myself and family members to see where my Dad is as she can't get a reply when she calls his phone. Nobody has told her a thing because they are to scared to. I'm avoiding her altogether. Obviously in an ideal world she would be told of his condition and visit him but in reality I know she will kick off and be a constant threat of returning to repeat the behaviour. I do feel very sorry for her and I'm struggling with guilt but I feel I'm doing the right thing by my Dad by keeping her out of the picture. But am I doing the right thing?