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Clingy DD becomes inconsolable

7 replies

SheScreamsForMe · 13/07/2019 17:04

NC and sorry if this is a bit rambling (bit upset and baby is climbing on me)

DD (nearly 8 months) can't really be soothed by DP, he tries and I try to let him try but she screams so hard she's made her self sick a lot or she causes bruising on her skin where she's burst blood vessels Sad

I've only been away from her a handful of times, we've worked out she's better with DP outside of the home so when I've gone to an exercise class (not close to home) he's come out too to limit the time apart partly if she gets inconsolably upset and partly because she still feeds hourly and she doesn't take bottles well.

This morning he took her because I was exhausted and she was fine with him but when I passed her over after sitting around with them because she was crawling all over me and hurting me she just screamed and screamed, he tried to take her out of the room and calm her down but she just wouldn't. Offered to take her back after a while but he said she had to be able to calm down with someone other than me so I went back to the living room and had a little cry. After a bit more trying to sooth her her brought her to me, she has burst blood vessels again and he feels awful.

She's just so clingy, she'll scream and sob if I leave the room sometimes, or even walk across the room. DP can calm her down if she's bumped her head or something I think but quite often she just wants me and won't calm down till I hold her.

It's upsetting for DP because he feels like he's doing something wrong, hence been on together recently but in the passed he's barely been able to hold her without her crying. It's worrying me because at some point I need to go back to work and I can't have her getting that upset several days a week, what if I just get called to come get her because they can't look after her?

Help, experience, sympathies?

OP posts:
Mammalian · 13/07/2019 17:08

She's just at the peak age for 'separation anxiety'. She doesn't yet understand that when you leave the room/the house etc, that you'll be back. Babies have no concept of time, so she thinks if you leave, that's it, she'll never see you again.
It gets easier, I promise. Things like playing 'peek-a-boo' seem to help them grasp the concept a bit better, or leaving the room and coming straight back. But it's really just time, in a couple of months, she should be fine

SheScreamsForMe · 13/07/2019 17:10

I should at she's been like this since 4 months old! We've had months of it but we're closed to me going back to work then not now and it's worrying me that it's just her

OP posts:
Needallthesleep · 13/07/2019 17:10

Absolutely echo that 8/9 months is peak separation anxiety time. I know it’s hard, but the signs that she wants to be with you are normal and healthy. It shows what a great job you are doing as a mum.

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SheScreamsForMe · 13/07/2019 17:10

Add not at

OP posts:
OddestSock · 13/07/2019 17:38

My youngest was like this. It was horrible for us all. DH felt like she hated him, and I missed out on a lot with my eldest because my youngest wouldnt let me put her down.

We did get past it, she got better after she turned 1, and is now the most confident, happy, secure little girl in the world :)

SheScreamsForMe · 13/07/2019 18:13

Mammalian I really bloody hate peek-a-boo at this point, I do so many times a day 🤦‍♀️. Also, shouting to her so she can still hear me when I'm out of sight in the flat... pretty sure the neighbours think I'm mad and that we torture her

needall praying that we are almost passed it, she's starting to get object permanence where she looks for something if it goes out of her view 🤞

Oddest DP feels like she hates him a lot, sometimes he's not sure he wants a another baby because it might hate him too.

I really can't stand when people say to just leave her and she'll eventually calm down and I'm making it hard for myself. And I struggle with the idea of leaving her with family because I don't want to be far if it goes bad and also trusting they won't let her suffer for long before contacting us. People don't believe how big it can be because she soooooo smiley and loves attention from random people, but generally they can't hold her and I must be in sight

OP posts:
OddestSock · 13/07/2019 22:33

I couldn't leave me either. It just went against every instinct I had.

They were tough days and I felt it would go on forever, but you will.get through it, and she will be secure because you have been an amazing mummy!

Mine is such a daddy's girl these days too!

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