Divorced mums am I being reasonable about holiday abroad?

[aspenheidi]

Hi, looking for others opinion please!!
I'm a single mother of 3, my ex only pays the minimum £7/week child maintenance. He wants to take the children abroad on holiday. Because he is unemployed living off of Universal credit I am wondering how he can afford this when he barely gives me any financial support. I have asked him the where when how why questions about the holiday and wanting him to pay half of the expense for the passports but he won't tell me anything. On top of that he says if I don't let the children go, he will take me to court and stop me from taking the children to America to visit their only grandparents (my parents). Am I being unreasonable like he says for asking for answers to the holiday questions and wanting him to pay for half the cost of the passports? Should we just go to court and have it out there? Can someone please offer me some advice? I really don't know how to handle this and don't want to get a solicitor until absolutely necessary.

Why are you wasting your time asking for half the cost of the passports from someone who only pays £7 a week?

Would letting him take me to court be worth it so that he hears himself in black and white what can and cannot be done? I think I need to hear it too.

^^Does he have PR? then he has no obligation to tell you anything.

Have no idea where he could be taking them but suspect his rich 30 something year old friend is helping with the costs

^^ irrelevant

He now 'peacocks' himself around Bournemouth befriending young 20 year olds while living on benefits.

^^ irrelevant

I think he is spending his pension.

^^ irrelevant ! He can draw down 25% tax free and its not classed as earnings. If he is actually drawing a pensionable income then his benefits will be proportionally reduced.

Sounds like I have to 'suck it up' unfortunately and accept the laws here in England really stink and fairness in child support doesn't exist.

Well, this sort of attitude wont win you any friends. I'd suggest you move to somewhere more in line with your thinking, but my guess is your children are British Citizens and that's not an option.

I already have the children's passports as we go to America every year to visit my parents (paid by my parents)

If you have the passports already why should he pay half ?

This nifty gadget may help - but I suspect you are getting the maximum already www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

Whenever me /exh went away we were not obligated to reveal holiday details during our court case. I moved house and had to guev abusive ex my address before dc were allowed there.
His use of prostitutes at his address with my ds in the house wasn't my business though. Or him leaving 3 dc him alone 4 nights a week either. Do not rely on a judge keeping your dc safe. Make your own judgment.

For your own mental health ... let them go .
The passports are already paid for so don’t give yourself additional stress .

Re what would the courts do ? Absolutely nothing .. lawyers just make money from these disputes.
I understand your frustration re fairness in situations but it is what it is ...
He is what he is and his actions are his own and you can’t change them .

Your life as a single parent will be so much easier emotionally if you just concern yourself with what happens in your house and that you can influence rather then stress yourself over stuff you cannot change .

That’s of course assuming you know they’ll be safe with him even if his efforts are lacking .....

I sympathise.. single parent myself ..

Op if you already had a court order in place holidays would already be covered plus numerous other scenarios that affect your DC's lives.
I've had one for the last 5 yrs (DD is 10 ) and it's been so helpful having it In place.
If your Ex is a Narc you already know he will never do anything you want him to even to benefit the DC's. He won't change, ever, stop expecting him to.

I would not be paying for their passports to benefit them. Plus if thé précédent isalready set that you and DC's visit your parents yearly then he prob can't stop you. Do you and DC's have the same surname? If you do then getting through an airport would be no problem.

I'm a single parent and I've been through the courts. This is not something that it's worth your time fighting against. He has a right to take the children and you don't legally have the right to know where they are going. The court would not care how much maintenance is paid. Finances and contact are separate issues.

Don't shoot me but I haven't read the whole thread. I just wanted to say that in my experience taking a child to Europe can be done without consent from both parents, especially if the travelling parent has same surname as child.

Some countries though, like America are much stricter about having permissions from both parents, and people can and are refused flights on this basis.

So OP I'd suggest you do a little research and planning agreed with this in mind.....

Thank you for the honest feedback and opinions. Appreciated. Points taken