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Original poster

Bad things causing bad things

15 replies

worstthingidid · 12/07/2019 20:06

Not expressed that very well.. but

I did a bad thing once. Morally wrong. And it caused or was linked to, a bad thing happening to me. The bad thing that happened is one of those things that people can struggle with.

I feel like I'm being punished still for this one bad thing I did. And I'd be judged. Rightly.

How do I move on from it now? If you did something "wrong" when you were a lot younger (but still an adult) have you been able to move on?

OP posts:
Soola · 12/07/2019 20:33

The vagueness of your post makes it hard to answer.

For example you beat someone up and that person’s brother raped you in retaliation?

That kind of thing?

SonEtLumiere · 12/07/2019 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
worstthingidid · 12/07/2019 20:37

Yes more like @Soola - only the thing I did wasn't criminal more like cheating on someone

OP posts:
andri157 · 12/07/2019 20:41

You don't deserve to be assaulted for cheating on someone is that what that is?? Is that fuck your fault or anything to do with what you did!

Soola · 12/07/2019 20:41

Well you can choose to draw a line under it or you can choose to let it hang over you.

What is beating yourself up over it going to achieve? Nothing!

You cannot change the past but you can change how you feel in the now and that is to set yourself free from self loathing and guilt.

You may have done something awful, cheating is a horrible thing to do let’s face it, but to be punished for it in an extreme or violent way is unfair.

something2say · 12/07/2019 20:42

Funny, I'm reading The Kite Runner right now and the kid did something wrong and never forgave himself then learns his dad did something wrong too.....and then spent his life doing good things as a result of his remorse.

Forgive yourself and try to understand. Then just be better whenever you can xxxx

Original poster
worstthingidid · 12/07/2019 20:58

@andri157 that's basically it yes. I'm feeling like I'm still being punished for it with the PTSD etc

OP posts:
andri157 · 12/07/2019 21:12

That's terrible. No op it isn't a punishment for cheating it should not of happened. Was it by the person you cheated on? That's really horrible I am so sorry you went through it. Please don't think it is "karma" for cheating and you have to relive it in your head everyday as a punishment. Is there anyone you can talk to?

Soola · 12/07/2019 21:43

You’re carrying a weight round with you that isn’t yours to carry, whoever hurt you is the one at fault not you.

You need to put that weight down and focus on healing your wounds.

Have you spoken with a therapist?

Original poster
worstthingidid · 12/07/2019 23:16

@Soola yes I have. The issue was I kissed a guy (voluntarily) who had a girlfriend, guy then raped me. Therapist had long known about the rape but the fact that I'd kissed them first caused them to have a physical reaction - it looked like I'd shot them.

OP posts:
Soola · 13/07/2019 01:07

This is awful. You did something that was foolish but completely undeserving of being raped.

You consented to a kiss, no more.

It’s horrible to think of you carrying this burden around, believing that you were in some way deserving of a punishment.

The therapist should have guided your thoughts so that you absolved yourself of any blame.

It sounds like you haven’t forgiven yourself for what happened. That should be your first step.

Say it out loud. “I did not deserve what happened to me. I did not deserve to be raped.”

And believe it.

Bloodybridget · 13/07/2019 05:20

No-one deserves to be raped, ever. Kissing a man, no matter what his marital/relationship status, does not take away one iota of blame or guilt from him if he then commits rape. I am so sorry you were the victim of such a dreadful crime, and hope you will be able to stop seem yourself as in any way responsible for it.

nrpmum · 13/07/2019 05:24

You were NOT to blame. No way. Get yourself a new therapist. 💐

Nordicwannabe · 13/07/2019 07:21

I think you've misinterpreted the therapist's reaction. Maybe they had built up a wrong understanding of the sequence of events and were then surprised that they were wrong. Maybe the new information made them understand your mindset a bit better - a light bulb moment. But I can pretty much guarantee they were not thinking that a kiss meant you deserved it. You didn't.

Have you seen the animation about ? Funny, and true

In your case the equivalent is "If someone steals your custard cream, you might get quite upset and even shout at them. But it doesn't give you the right to force them to drink a cup of tea as well if they don't want one"

Original poster
worstthingidid · 13/07/2019 23:49

@Nordicwannabe I'll never know if that's right, but I can see a lot of sense in that post. I might not be right in how I'm interpreting her reaction - which is helpful

OP posts:
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