Sexless marriage 7 months after baby

[Kungfupanda67]

I had my third baby 7 months ago. After my first 2 children my husband and I were regularly having sex again from 4 weeks and 6 weeks respectively. After my daughter was born in December we didn’t have sex for 2 months, and since then have only had it 3 times. I have no sex drive whatsoever, I’m tired, I’m breastfeeding (which I didn’t with the first 2), we don’t cuddle or hold hands, we don’t go to bed at the same time (because I’m up about 5 times a night with the toddler and one nightfeed for the baby).

I don’t really know what I’m asking - because I have no sex drive at the moment it doesn’t particularly bother me not having it, but it can’t be good for our marriage. I’m late 20s, he’s mid 30s, surely it can’t be normal to never be having sex?

Any experience of similar? Did it get better naturally or do I need to be fixing it?

The first thing would be to sit down and talk about it with your husband.

Maybe find some time to set aside to do something for just you both. Not a date night as such but along those lines.

He may just be very understanding that you are tired and isn’t pursuing you and you see that as he doesn’t want you.

You need to talk.

Yes. Ours got better gradually. It's still less than pre-baby, but that's life right?
I also worried about our marriage, as I thought DH was losing interest in me. I think he was actually a bit depressed, but no confirmation of that.
Until DS was about a year old, I think we DTD twice. I was exhausted (one of those hourly waking babies) and had breastfeeding dryness.
We went to bed at separate times because I needed all the sleep I could get!
DS started sleeping better, as did we, and things just naturally got back on track.

I wouldn't worry about it, but obviously your relationship is super important, have you talked about this? I had HG in early pregnancy so we didn't have any intercourse until I was feeling better at around 25 weeks ish I think, and then only did it a few times and I kept finding it uncomfortable, so we stopped, although were still intimate with each other about once a week. Then I had DD and we didn't have any sexual contact until she was 8.5 months old when she did a full day at nursery before I went back to work, so we were properly alone. She is now 1 and we've had sexual contact about 2 further times?

I struggle to relax with her in the house even if she's in bed because she is erratic and often wakes up screaming her head off. I would love for someone to babysit her more often so we could have more sexual contact because that's really what's in the way for us, but alas. DH is not bothered about it like I am and he is also more sexual than me so it's a bigger problem for him but obv he is totally respectful of my feelings. We talk about it quite a lot and talk openly. I remind him this is a small period of time in the scheme of our entire lives. We have a day together next month whilst she is nursery so we will probably have sex again then if we don't before (and we are unlikely to do so before then, realistically).

I'm not that bothered, I mean it's not ideal but I'm not super bothered about lack of sex. Having said that, we do cuddle most days, and I think we need to work on more kissing tbh I don't know why that has happened which is a shame. But we cuddle, if we go for walks with DD in the Little Life we hold hands, we cuddle in bed even though he often comes to bed later than me and leaves earlier on weekdays. We remind each other that we love each other. He gives me a little back/neck rub once a week as I have back/neck pain.

I actually think it's really normal. I've seen tons of people on MN say they hardly had sex when they had young children.

Thank you, that makes me feel a bit better.

I do worry that it’s me, I’m still much bigger than I’d like to be so have really low confidence at the moment (2 stone to lose) so I don’t really feel confident enough to initiate anything... hopefully when they’re a bit bigger it’ll get back to normal x