I've done something awful

[iAmHideous]

Help. I've done something completely awful. I went out for work drinks. I got drunk. Was having a nice time and a male colleague kissed me fully on the lips with tongues and I momentarily kissed him back and I feel terrible. I'm married with a 13month old and if my dh did this I would kill him. I feel awful. So I tell him? Help- I've never done anything like this before.

do not tell.

do not act complicit with colleague.

develop amnesia and do not look back.

And get this thread deleted. Just in case

Don’t tell, and do delete this. Don’t tell ever

Keep schtum. You already feel awful, what's the point in making someone else feel bad? It didn't mean anything, it was just a momentary lapse of reason. Don't offload your guilt onto DH just to try make yourself feel better - it's not fair on him and it will only make things worse.

It's a real shame that people make so much fuss about something so insignificant and silly. Put it out of your mind, OP: no one is dead and no one needs to know.

Don’t tell your DH and forget about it.

And yes, before anyone starts with “double standards” comments I’d give a man the same advice and no, I’d rather not know if it was my own husband.!

If you tell him he may over-think it. If you don't you carry on as before.

It's not worth making it an issue, it is not like you enjoyed it and want to leave your husband, look at all stress it has put you through.

Don’t even think about telling him. Relax and avoid him at the next night out!

No. I did the same thing about 6 months ago and I told no one and pushed it out of my head. It was gross and meant nothing.

Forget it happened and DO NOT TELL anyone...especially your DH.

Don’t tell him.

Nah move on, it’s not a big deal. It all comes down to intention. It was a minor lapse (probably through shock). You have no intention of taking it any further.

Don’t tell him, no good will come of it. Forgive yourself and move on!

I'm a Yorkshire woman. Born and bred and dyed in the wool, so always pragmatic.

It happened. It meant nothing. What the eye doesn't see, the heart won't grieve over. Keep it under your hat. Of course you don't tell him. It's just a daft thing that happened when you were pissed. Never to be repeated.

The fact that you feel so guilty about it is punishment enough.

My husband once admitted he'd snogged a woman, and spent time alone with her, when he went off on a golf break in Portugal, while I stayed home with our 2 children, a toddler and a baby, one of whom was SEN.

I'd rather not have known. It may have meant nothing to him, but it has altered our relationship since then. I wish he hadn't told me.
Don't tell him.

Don't tell him. Stay away from that guy and hold your nerve when you have 'the fear' tomorrow.... that will pass.

I think it depends on your DH and you know him, you know if it will play on his mind or change the way he acts around you. He might start fretting every time you go out without him.... if I was you, I’d tell him in about 10yrs time when he’s drunk 😬

If this is a one off definitely don't tell him. The fall out could be massive. He might not be able to get it off his mind. He might not trust you anymore He might do the same as tit for tat ext. Put this down to experience and make sure it never happens again. Don't have to much to drink and make yourself vunerable again. People's relationships can be destroyed because of one stupid mistake. Definitely don't tell your partner.You have no feelings for this work mate so why hurt your oh and risk your relationship.

definitely at least sleep on it a few nights
he sounds predatory!

Do not tell. There is nothing at all to be gained from telling your DH. It will upset him and cause problems in your marriage so if as you say it was a ridiculous drunken act that was brief, meant nothing and won’t recur just forget about it.

And for the record, I would be saying the same to a man in similar circumstances. Confession isn’t always good for the soul.

Confession isn’t always good for the soul.

Indeed, often it is a way of offloading difficult feelings from the guilty party onto the victim. It can be quite self-indulgent.

I don't usually hold with secrets. But in this case I really wouldn't tell. It's not like you sought out this man. You didn't initiate anything. You weren't giving out mixed signals or having an emotional affair. I can imagine it's very easy to just respond when you're relaxed and after a few drinks. But you have no intention of following it up and it's a very minor indiscretion. For those reasons, I wouldn't throw a potential grenade into your marriage. Your husband could well read something into it that isn't there. After all he's not a mind reader. Just don't say anything.

Don't tell
It was done to you - your reaction was because you were drunk
Act completely like it never happened
Don't get drunk with work colleagues again.

Forgive yourself and move on. Forget about it. These things happen.

Think no more of it......no harm done....don't do it again..ease up on the drinking lol....give hubby extra big hugs x

I think it depends on your relationship. I would want to know and so would me DH, so I would tell. But we don't your DH, so the decision is with you.

For the record though... Sounds very much like he kissed you, and you pushed him off. You just waited a second too long before you did it. I'm really old fashioned about marriage and infidelity and even I don't think this is a big deal.

I definitely do not have any feelings for colleague. I barely know him. There is no flirtation or anything of that nature. I am so mortified about the entire thing.

There's a fair chance he's pretty mortified too. And scared.