If you live abroad...

[MetuaVahine]

...how many times a year do you travel back to visit close family?

We go back every 1-2 years.

I don't agree that the onus on travelling is on the person who left. We've been transferred for DH's work, I also work and we have two small DCs. Between annual leave and the cost and hassle of putting little ones on long haul flights, it really makes more sense for people to visit us. Even if we pay for GPs to come here it's cheaper and less stress than dealing with jet lagged toddlers.

But my parents , who were retired by then, would sit there comfortably at home and say " so when are YOU going to come and see US again ?" as if it was our job , because we were the ones who'd left.

I have some sympathy with the people left behind at home. A lot on this thread sound quite entitled, expecting grandparents to travel to see them because it's too inconvenient or expensive to travel with children. This is something you should take into consideration before moving. My sister moved to NZ before she had kids (we are in the UK) and we now get a lot of pressure from her to come and visit or meet them halfway around the world because apparently it's really important to her that her children have a relationship with their only cousins. Not something she considered before moving as far away as she possibly could .

I used to live abroad. Europe - 1 hour flight away.

I probably went home about 4 times a year - a few days at Xmas and a few weekends.

A lot on this thread sound quite entitled, expecting grandparents to travel to see them because it's too inconvenient or expensive to travel with children. This is something you should take into consideration before moving.

The problem is when it's the people at home hassle you for not coming often enough. If it was up to me I would never take them more than once per year. But then we get complaints about it.

I go once a year for 7-10 days.
My Dad won't travel, doesn't even have a passport.
I probably wouldn't go at all if it wasn't for him.

I'd like to see him more often but it's down to cost and using up a lot of annual leave.

Apart from weddings, funerals, dying relatives etc I don't feel like there is an 'obligation' to go back to the UK to visit people so long as you make the effort to keep in touch through FB, emails, Skype etc.

I would never expect people to come and a visit us or guilt trip them, however it would be appreciated if they did. I mean we make the effort in putting them up, paying for activities, food etc which I don't mind because they make effort to see us and pay $$$ in flights.

I have a family member who moved to the other side of the world. They try to come home once a year but could be once every 18 months if they are trying to hit specialty events (big birthdays/weddings etc).

We don't go there as it is too expensive

@edgeofheaven I can see that would be annoying. It is up to you though, I'd leave it at a frequency that suits you and people will get used to it.

@MetuaVahine I lived in Cape Town and all my family in the UK. Twice a year worked well for about 10 Days each time but with relative exchange rate and salaries it wasn’t always possible to do.
My parents wouldn’t travel either, once in 9 years (they aren’t well travelled and older so wouldn’t have done it alone )
I found most people didn’t bother to visit me at all despite being there for 9 years!

I live in the UK but that is ‘abroad’ from my family who are a long haul flight away. I’ve visited them twice in 8 years. They mostly come to visit us as it’s cheaper (4 of us and 2 of them) and my parents are retired with the money to spend.

I'm in the UK but from a different European country, where I still have some family. I'm probably averaging once in two years at the moment. I started out visiting several times a year, but it's gradually got less over the years, until I went five years without visiting once. But my parents are getting older and I feel obligated to go at least sometimes now. DM visits me more often, so I do see her somewhat regularly.

I hasten to add that it's DM's choice to visit me - I'm okay for her to do so, but certainly don't expect her to. She likes the better shopping opportunities in the UK and we do some day trips etc. I believe she enjoys the break from DF, who hates travelling, so doesn't.

We would all come back to the uk in the summer, and then I would stay with the kids for another month (I wasnt working, so only DH restricted by leave).
Then I came back every other Christmas. One of those was with DH, and one with just the kids - Christmas day was a working day.
So, 3 times every 2 years. DH pretty much only once a year.

6.5 hour flight - usually once a year (though did fly back to vote in May this year as well!).

I'm in a similar situation, moved from Sweden to UK. Luckily one of the low cost airlines fly from Luton to Stockholm so myself and DD travel over 3 times a year (although it looks like the route will be dropped soon so back to BA or SAS which will be more expensive...) DH comes with us once a year, sometimes twice. I'm a teacher so can travel during school holidays am quite happy to 'leave' DH behind whilst DD and I get our Sweden fix, catch up with old friends etc.

It does depend on your relationship with your parents though, if you are close enough to want to stay with them several times a year. Also depends on whether you stay with them or in a hotel in which case each trip would cost a lot more.

I lived abroad for 6 years. Parents came every year, brother came once because parents paid. One friend came because her mum moved over and paid for her. One friend came because he worked in a country nearby.

I came home every year on average, sometimes 18m. They expected me to go home because it was further away but a couple more visits would have meant a lot to me. It didn’t compromise any relationships.

We live a 7 hour flight away.

We are back at the moment visiting everyone and I’ve been thinking a lot about whether we need to do it again next year.

I think we do because all our parents are elderly now. But it’s really expensive too.

I think we will though.

So once a year for us.

I live in the UK (which is abroad for me) probably go back 1-2 a year. DM/DF usually go back an extra time too.

When I first moved abroad (Europe) I would go back at Christmas and possibly Easter. My parents would also visit when they did their 3 week tour of Europe every summer.
When I met my husband we tended to visit his mother rather than go to the UK.
Since he died I have been to the UK a few times, but in the past couple of years only when there has been a family event, so 2 funerals and 2 weddings. I imagine this cadence will continue in future.
I really do not miss the UK at all.

Thank you everyone for your input. I find it very interesting to see how people manage their families when abroad.

In any case, it seems like going three times a year to visit is plenty, especially as our summer visits are very long.

So for October Half-term, I've booked something in Cornwall so we finally take the time to discover this beautiful island before we have to move again.

I'm a Kiwi in UK, family of four, and we're aiming to go back every two years. If my older Mum has any sort of event that means she needs more support than my (amazing) sister and niece can reasonably provide, I'll be going back on my tod to stay as long as necessary.

We’re heading into our 9th year in the ME. In the first few years we used to go home 3-4 times a year and that was our main ‘holiday’.

Now we have two DC and the UK no longer feels like ‘home’ so it’s a bit more complicated. This year we are going back twice but the first time is only really a stop over en route elsewhere.

I do get that we are the ones who moved away blah blah blah but it does piss me off that it’s always us expected to do the travelling, especially in the case of my parents who are fit and healthy and don’t have much on their plate.