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Mothers of daughters >>> over here

2 replies

MagicMaggie · 11/07/2019 22:30

How do you weather your daughter's friendship group storms?

DD1 is in y4 and dd2 in y2 and they are both in the thick of it.

Not sure if my nerves are made for this.

Not sure what to actually advise my girls? Be kind and polite? They get bullied.

Be assertive? Seems to backfire more often than not.

DD1 has many friends but never a BFF, DD2has just fallen out with alleged 'bff' who now gangs up on her with other girls Sad

There a fair few dominant girls in their peer groups, and some mothers totally feed this falling in and out nonsense by taking on key roles in the primary school dramas.

How do you guide your daughters through this social maze? Any tried and tested tips hacks?

Gin please.

OP posts:
JuneFromBethesda · 11/07/2019 22:54

I have girls in Y6 and Y3. We’ve had various friendship issues over the years, nothing major but the odd fallout. I’m trying to think what (if anything) I did. Mostly I just let them talk to me and tell me if they’re feeling sad/frustrated/left out/whatever. We’ve never had actual bullying though, in that instance I’d make sure the school were aware - that’s beyond ‘friendship issues’.

My 11-year-old has had the same two best friends for years and as with any friendship threesome it has its ups and downs. It’s hard because really there’s so little you can do - you can’t interfere. It’s really hard watching them have a difficult time of it.

You could gently encourage ‘good’ friendships by facilitating playdates - making space for friendships to develop outside of school could help the dynamic in school. Also look for a book on friendships aimed at girls of this age, something written in an accessible way could help them to make sense of the way friendships can change and how some are better than others.

A bit waffly, sorry! I know how you feel though, it’s not easy. I’m dreading the teenage years and it all getting harder!

MagicMaggie · 12/07/2019 07:08

Thank you JuneFromBethesda.

I don't remember these sort of things being tricky when I was at primary school and had only very few problems in secondary as I had my few close friends, which remained with me throughout.

With my dds it's different, so many entitled and bossy attitudes from some girls around them as well as mums (!), rudeness and ganging up, it's just hard to watch.

I'd like to know what's best e.g. tell the girls to be kind and not to gossip or to not put up with the bossy behaviour from others. By bossy I mean insisting what they play and how it is played etc. when dd doesn't want this, they walk off in a strop and complain to the other girls.

Also things like bumping into my daughter repeatedly during playtime and saying 'sorry' in a fake voice. When my daughter then stand up for herself they call her names. Sad

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