Teens - is this normal?!

[MidnightVelvet9]

So I have a 13 year old who's just starting to get a social life & go out with his friends during the day on Saturdays. He's done it twice now & each time he's been back on time & messaged me to let me know he's on his way back.

He's told me tonight he's going into town after school breaks up next Friday afternoon, it's fine but he won't tell me who he's going with. When I ask he says why do you want to know, you don't know them, what difference will it make etc

They are people from school, it's nothing dodgy but I'm wondering whether teens are usually secretive like this. It's crossed my mind that there are no friends as such, he's meeting a girl but I'm really not sure. Thing is I'm not too sure what difference it does make, my knowing their first names. I'm just interested really in what he's doing & where he's going.

What do people usually do, do you all know what friends your teen goes out with?

DS was always more private at that age (though the gaggles of girls appearing outside the house at one stage were a bit of a giveaway...), and still (at 20, when he's home from uni) often just says he is going 'out' with 'friends'. DD, on the other hand, tells me lots more and updates me on all the gossip amongst her friends.

My 18 and 15 year old always tell me where they're going, who they're with, and what time they'll be back. It's just routine now for them to tell me after being constantly asked the same questions.

Oh gosh, OP, do you not remember being that age? And your DMum asking ALL about your day - only out of loving interest (probably), but do you not remember how horribly nosy and intrusive it felt? He's growing up - please don't give him the third degree about things you really do not need to know. Or carry on if you don't mind him getting more and more secretive.
He's right - what difference does it make if he tells you names of kids you don't know?
He's 13, not 13 months. Give the lad some space!

Just last week my ds wouldn't tell me who he was with, he was on a school trip and not many of his friends were going and I asked him who had lunch with.

I couldn't believe it! I told him it was really immature and if he wants his 'getting older' privileges he needs to stop being so weird!

How strange.

Mine are expected to tell me and have always volunteered the info, e,g I'm going to x with abc and d. I'd be very reluctant to not say anything if they suddenly refused to tell me, they are older than your son.

Totally normal. You either trust them or you don’t. I quite like my privacy too, so try and respect theirs.

Mine have always told me who they were with. I think I would be a bit peeved if they didn't say.

Could it be a girl maybe he is embarrassed?. Teens are strange creatures sometimes.

I would imagine it different with every child. My son is one to tell me all. At 15 we chose his first date clothes together. Hugged him when he came home and told me he had kissed her. I even squeeze his spots not sure why that is my job.
But I’m aware not all 15 year olds are like this. He keeps somethings to himself but mostly he tells me if he has a new girlfriend and when they are going out.
I wouldn’t worry to much. It is probably a girl. I told my mum nothing when I was growing up.

I'm pretty direct.

"You would tell me if WAS important, right?"
"I can't help keep you safe if you don't tell me stuff."
"You ARE choosing good people to hang out with, right?"

So they have the freedom to not tell me who. But I Make it clear I expect them to make good decisions. They are responsible.

DC know if they were detained by police I would leave them with police as long as possible before coming to fetch them, so they have extra motives to not get up to any bad stuff.