What am I doing wrong?

[Amerator]

I don't know who to talk to. HV brushed my concerns off.
My son is 19 months old and he has broken me.
Quick history: heart surgery at 7weeks old for hole closure, slight delay in walking, still not talking.
I don't know what to do with him anymore.
He is aggressive, doesn't eat, barely sleeps, throws himself around to hit his head, he head buts everything. I am so tired, and so emotionally drained.
Yesterday was when I finally broke and spent an hour crying my eyes out. Too many sleepless night, too many times he whacked me in the face with his toys, too many headbutt and slaps, he refused all meals, took nearly 2 hours to get to sleep only to wake up again, and again. I am a wreck and don't know what to do.

So sorry, that sounds really tough. I would contact everyone. GP, HV again. Tell them you need help. Insist.

If you can muster the strength, can you write it all down. It will help them understand how bad it is.

Do you have real life support? Have you got an way of getting a break? Sleep deprivation is awful and I can understand why you feel broken.

Please go and see your gp, you both need help, suggest also getting hearing and eyes tested. Be kind to yourself, talk to someone in real life

I have my husband here but he works nights so isn't about much during the day. I am seeing the health visitors again in a week for my sons review and I'll raise my concerns again. I did originally suspect a type of autism, especially after I watched a little. Program about it and my son showed alot of the same behaviour as the kid in the program, but when I mentioned it, the HV looked at me at said, I can tell just looking at him he isn't autistic. You can't tell just by looking at a kid can you?

I am so sorry to hear about how tough things are for you. I have a two year old with severe physical disabilities though quite smart and I’ve reached a point of crying etc from her head butting me (she once burst a blood vessel in my eye).
The only things that helped me was making as much fuss as possible- I don’t like to hear what your HV said because that’s utter nonsense so perhaps ring the office and make it clear that you are desperate and need help even if your DC is not autistic (obviously it’s very challenging behaviour).

I’m pretty sure you can self refer to Homestart - they can organise a volunteer who can help you get a couple of hours assistance (even if it’s just playing with him while you get to sit and watch tv).

Because I don’t have any family close or any who would be able to help I know exactly how awful being alone with the repetition and non-engagement is, especially with little sleep (my DD used to wake every hour).
I also took her to any kind of baby group around (even though I think some people thought what’s the point etc) and persevered through crying and wailing (along with her not being able to do things) and it was worth it because she finds other children fascinating and I can talk to another mum for a bit. I just walk her when I can, let her watch cartoons if she’s ill and the second she naps I lay down (even if I didn’t sleep I felt a bit better). My house could certainly do with a good clean but sod it. I think it’s a good idea to speak to a GP and look for local SEN groups (I go to one which is free and the DC don’t always have a diagnosis yet). I wish you well - don’t give up but don’t stop breaking down either (we all need to sometimes).

Thank you, I'll look into some more baby groups, we go to one a week at the moment. There isn't allot going on here that I know of. I will get back onto the Gp and see if they can help. What's a SEN group?

SEN is special educational needs e.g. there may be groups specifically for children with autism etc. Even if your child has no diagnosis it can be a good way to meet other parents who are often a wealth of information about different conditions and may know about other sources of support in your area.
Homestart could give you a few hours break, you've had so much to deal with since his birth I'm not surprised you feel overwhelmed. Having a tiny baby in surgery is emotionally draining and may leave you feeling on edge for a long time afterwards. I hope you can get some help and support in real life