Anybody else been reduced to tears by Cafcass 'positive parenting programme'

[Livingthedream12345]

As the title says
Horrific abuse from them today
Can't stop crying

No personal experience but don’t want this to go unanswered.

It is not right that something that ought to help,you has made you so upset.

{{{hugs}}} from me.

Thanks for the hugs. I need a lot of those right now

Abuse from Cafcass? Do you have to do it?

I am so sorry that this has happened to you

Do you want to talk about what happened?

In Scotland so just had a look. It says it's a 12 week pilot for families in court proceedings which involve medium to high conflict. Purpose to encourage parents to put themselves in child's shoes to understand their own behaviour and its impact.

Restorative to enable the child to recover with support of parents.

It's hard to advise without further info. It's bound to be a difficult experience but family court have ordered for a reason?

Unless I'm reading something incorrect.

I had to do that course, I’m not quite sure why it’s upset you so much though.

No point me doing it really as I wasn’t stopping contact or anything. Think it’s automatic now if things go to court.

Nothing was going to make my ex put my son first anyway.

We are trying to agree holidays. Father keeps says I make allegations about him. Untrue. They are from other ex wife. Cafcass have wrong info.

They admitted they were pushing me to my limit. I truly do not understand why this is a positive programme.

What exactly about the course did you find abusive?

Goading me, on and on and on and on. Would not accept my responses.trying to get me to say I was angry at the domestic abuse I received. I have moved on. She would not stop. Asking me over and over and over again what I thought I had done wrong to contribute to the ongoing conflict.
I agree with everything my ex says just to move on....he then changes his mind and implies that I am being unreasonable.

Was this done in a group setting or one-to-one? It sounds as though it is not the course itself that is the problem but the facilitator running it.

Two of them and me.
She said at the end that it was designed to push you to the very limit. She said it should not really be called positive programme. It was fucking horrendous.
I told her at the end that she had met the brief.
They then started chatting about what holidays I had booked when I asked for time to compose myself at the end.

I hated it. They used my mental health caused by my ex against me. :(

They are designed to make you aware of any behaviour that is potentially damaging to children. They are also designed to help people to reflect on their own behaviour in terms of conflict and communication. It is not designed to bash people around the head or to apportion blame.

They are very important courses. Children are hugely damaged by parental conflict and anything that helps parents to recognise this and centre their children's needs over their own is a good thing.

In what way did they "use" your mental health? It is my understanding they are educative courses and have no decision making powers?

I dont want to say too many details as I did start formal complaints which are still in process and it looks as though I definitely have not been unreasonable in my complaints about the particular course and facilitators.

Hope you are ok OP

Anyone got any advice on how to respond to Cafcass? We have a problem in that they are acting for my daughter's ex and making it impossible to meet precisely with the court's judgements, e.g. she is threatened with prison if she does not facilitate phone calls between her son and ex at three precise times during the week. this can be difficult because of school commitments, sleepovers with friends, etc. (10 years old). Even if there is a few minutes delay in the call - it is logged with Cafcass who then take her back to court. My daughter works FT (low salary) so has to pay for solicitors each time they do this. She is now beginning to suffer health problems and I feel there must be a better solution - currently they have joint residency.

I feel for her sparrow. It's an utter nightmare :(

Cafcass do not "act for" one parent over another. They "act for" the child/ren.

If your daughter believes that they are being unreasonable she can speak up. She should first of all ask them on exactly which charges they intend to imprison her (CAFCASS don't have these powers). She has a right to record all contact with them and it might be helpful for her to advise them that she is recording each meeting/interview so that they are more likely to be permissable in a court.

Ultimately she can complain to CAFCASS themselves or to OFSTED.

thanks Skyejuly - its comforting to know that my daughter isn't the only one experiencing difficulties with Cafcass.

I dont mind talking via email if you pm me as I dont like to say too much here x

If you have experienced DV but Cafcass don't accept that ( it's hard to prove psychological abuse to their satisfaction) then they class the problem as High Conflict. Then they blame both parents for emotionally abusing the child and try to re-educate you. A mother, often traumatised by the abuse and ongoing use of the court system by the perpetrator will often be targeted, gaslighted and goaded by cafcass and the perps legal team. This is because the system sees women as vengeful, manipulative and uncooperative if they dare to mention the abuse once the court has decided it didn't happen. They are told to "move on" despite being traumatised.
I am so sorry you are going through this OP. Try to get lots of real life support from people who understand and therapy. You can get through it, you sound strong and intelligent.

Any survivors commenting here or reading this thread do consider responding to this call for survivor input into the Family Courts Review, make sure your experiences of Cafcass and the family court are heard: www.gov.uk/government/news/domestic-abuse-survivors-invited-to-shape-future-of-family-court