Someone please tell me some happy tales....

[Idleandsunny]

Of post divorce/ separation life - when you didn’t want the split to happen. I’m in the thick of it at the moment and obsessively reading old threads which all seem so bleak about how lonely it is. I’m now convinced I’m destined to a life of Bank Holidays on my own weeping and am petrified.

Does anyone have any uplifting stories for me because I really am feeling very down......

Ps I have one child

Watching ... I'm so bored. I want a life

oh bless you hun sending big hugs xxxall I can tell you is that although now's a sad time for you and I feel for you I really do it will get better .even though it doesn't feel like it at the minute .have a good cry and vent whenever you need to and when you feel abit stronger slowly build yourself up ,try a new hobby or interest ,get a new hair do or colour ,try something new like a sport, book club ,Zumba,learn a new language .be kind to yourself .I don't want to offend or upset you but is there any chance of reconciliation between you ?

No, apparently it’s been over ‘for years.’ I guess I just didn’t know

bless you well though it hurts it sounds like you deserve thousand times more than him .don't get it when people say that but never say to their oh it's not working out what can we do to make it right .I wish you every happiness and one day when it's right you'll meet who you're meant to be with even though you're not thinking that way now and I understand and respect that but one day when you're ready it'll happen just like that. I was with my kids dad for lot of years he turned into a bully so he's not in the picture his choice I was on my own for 2 years then I thought sod it and I met my fiance online .just needed a confidence boost at the time but he changed my life xxxx

That’s good to hear, I’m glad it all worked out for you!

Hi @idleandsunny. First off, massive love and solidarity to you how long ago did you separate? I can empathise, even though I filed for divorce it was still a shock to find out my scumbag exH had been cheating for years. I felt brittle and hollow for about a year, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. But I tell you, life has slowly got better and I've realised things that I hated about being with him that I didn't notice at the time. I never thought I'd say this but I'm so glad it didn't work out with him because he was a complete bastard and so wrong for me.

Know this: there is a happy, secure, fulfilling life out there for a single mum and one day it'll be yours. I still have very up and down spells, my DDs are still coming to terms with it 2 years on and I worry about so many things. But man I feel strong... I am strong and so are you. Have you got much support from family / friends? How are you looking after yourself at the moment? Hope you're letting yourself cry. My top tips, talk to a financial advisor (and a solicitor if you need one) about your position, sweet coffee if you're struggling to eat/sleep, make time and space to cry it out and then to regroup. Lots of love xx

And a saucy, possibly inappropriate/premature P.S. there is new love and hot men to discover now!!

Thanks @changeofname0987 I really appreciate your reply. It’s very new - less than 2 weeks for me so still so raw. How old are your children? My husband seems to think our 5 year old will be absolutely fine. In fact we’ll all be fine and happy ever after. Just not together.

Hell's teeth, 2 weeks... Still so raw. Are you still in the same house? Maybe it's a man thing but my ex is just concerned about himself, can't do emotion so leaves the girls to just crack on (they're 9&7) assuming they'll be fine. The early days are so hard when you're trying to separate practically, physically and emotionally. Have you got much support? Sounds like this was completely out of the blue... You need to give yourself all the allowances you can. Hey, PM me if you need to (although am off to bed soon). I spoke to various angels on MN when I was at the stage you are and they saved me and my sanity. Actual light in the darkness/shitness. Just breathe and hold your head up high momma xxx

That’s made me cry, thank you!

Yes we’re still in the same house. Separate rooms. For the foreseeable

It’s a year since I moved to my own place with my children, been divorced for a few months now. Horrible and expensive court case over the kids. I won’t lie, it’s hard and as previous posters say there are up and down days and, I’m finding, up and down longer periods. At the moment I’m feeling very down but I keep telling myself it’s all quite new still. Things which have helped me are simply getting outside for a walk, doing some gardening, watching lots of Netflix, taking to other people (especially friends) who have been through divorce and taking care of yourself. I have truly discovered that some of my closet friends are not good friends and the most unlikely people have turned into solid and trustworthy friends. I have no wish to meet anyone else, I won’t say never but I think it’s highly unlikely. And I was the one who left/filed for divorce. I have also had counseling, it was excellent and helps me through the dark days.

We also lived in the same house for almost a year living in awful circumstances, I didn’t realise how bad and toxic it was until I moved out. Take care

The best thing you can do for yourself is to be proactive in making decisions and implementing them for your future. It’s hard, but empowering.

Whilst he is still under the same roof you are in limbo.

He doesn’t want to be with you so tell him to go.

You then are back in control. At the moment he’s in the spare room probably chatting to another woman/women whilst your moping around the house, your mind distracted by all the happy memories you once shared.

Biggest mistake I made when I split with my was letting it drag on for a whole year! I became physically and mentally unwell.

Once the split was final it was a huge weight lifted and the physical symptoms stopped immediately.

My happy tale is that I went on to marry someone wonderful.

I think you're all amazing ladies who've got through a upsetting and tough time and come out the other side stronger braver and living a life you always wanted .takes a lot of courage to carry on when feeling like you can't big hugs to all you amazing inspirational strong ladies

Thanks @louloured have some yourself!

@Idleandsunny how are you doing today?

hi hun xx xx I'm ok thanks how are you all tonight ?thanks for the flowers

I feel okay thank you for asking.

I didn't get as many positive stories as I was hoping to collect on here, although those who've responded have been amazing!

Bump then... I'm sure someone will be along in a minute to share one. Glad you're feeling ok... Up days and down days and meh days. Snakes and ladders... How is your DC managing?

@idleandsunny how are you doing?

Hello, not too bad. I mean I still feel shit but keeping on keeping on. Thanks for checking in, I appreciate it!

My XH left me totally out of the blue after 31yrs of marriage. At the time I felt as if I'd been hit by a truck and would never recover.

But five years on and it's considerably less bleak.
I am proud of myself for the way I handled all the bullshit and all the stressful divorce proceedings, his nastiness, etc etc. I found strengths I never knew I had.
I learned to drive at the age of 57 (he'd stopped me learning all our married life )
I bought my own house - much smaller than the house we shared - but my home that no one is going to have the power to throw me out of.
I'm financially independent.
I've moved to a new area, made new friends.
I got myself a totally adorable little dog, who is the love of my life (XH didn't like dogs)
Yes - my life is not going the way I always thought it would, and sometimes I get hit by a wave of sadness for what I've lost. That's normal - it does take time.
But I try to focus on the positives. I don;t answer to anyone - I do what I want, when I want. My interests and hobbies are not ridiculed and belittled any more.
I'm not walking on eggshells any more, worried that someone is going to kick off because I've inadvertantly said or done the wrong thing. I never realised how stressed I was until the source of it was removed. Uneasy and on edge had become my normal - now I am much more relaxed and together.
I don't feel any need to look for a new partner - I'm very happy on my own. But if I every did, I'd be very clear in my mind what behaviour I would and wouldn't accept - I feel more in control.
I celebrate the people who do love and like me, and ditch anyone who doesn't - having had the person who was supposed to love me most betray me, I don't feel the need to seek approval - people take me as I am or not - I don't actually care.

So - life will be different, and you will feel sad, and angry and betrayed and hurt, but sometimes enforced new beginnings can bring out good things in your life and new opportunities that you never knew were there.
Eventually hurt and longing gives way to reality and you stop loving them - you might think it won't happen, but it will, and then you start valuing yourself and realising what a fool they were not to see what an amazing person you are. Good Luck

Thank you @KurriKurri I really appreciate hearing your positive story

@Idleandsunny s'all that can be expected at this stage I guess. I was thinking today how much better life is for me now. Even though I didn't see divorce coming (maybe in hindsight) and was completely devastated, I'm so GLAD that I my ex finally showed his true colours and that I'm now rid of him (as a significant other. Still my DDs' dad of course). As unbelievable as it would've been to me 2 years ago... it's so true. You just have to keep your head high and faith in your heart that things will turn out alright.

Thanks @changeofname0987 supportive people from these forums have made a massive difference and I really appreciate it.

I’m actually strangely feeling quite good today. Had a night out last night with a good friend and talked a lot of stuff through. And starting to think I can do this!

Ooo a good chat with a good friend is like magical medicine. Good for you.

Even though you never asked for it, you can and you will do this