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Original poster

How to tell dc that our dog is being put to sleep

30 replies

LegionOfDoom · 10/07/2019 17:31

Our beloved dog is being put to sleep tomorrow. He’s 11 years old and I have had him since he was a week old, before all the children. Obviously, I’m devastated but I don’t want him to suffer anymore and know it’s the best for him. He has had the best life we could give him and been spoilt by all of us. A lot of our days out revolve around taking kids/dogs to the park, going to dog shows, kids and dogs swimming in the lake. Our dogs are a huge party of our family.

I don’t know how to break the news to the kids (8, 6 and 3). 8 year old in particular is very close with him and I know it will be a huge loss for them. They’ve never had anyone close to them die so I have no idea how to explain it.

Has anyone been in this situation an have any ideas on the best way to break the news. They will be upset either way, I just want to make it as easy as possible for them.

OP posts:
soulrunner · 10/07/2019 17:33

I would do it after the event tbh and just tell them the dog died. I think that would be easier for them. Otherwise they might get really upset and the dog will have a stressful last day.

QueenofLouisiana · 10/07/2019 17:40

Oh Lovely, was here is no easy way. DS was 11 when we had our 14 year old pts. He knew that she was ill and I explained that it was time for the vets to help her to die peacefully- so there would be no more pain or suffering for her.

We talked about the fact that she would go with someone who loved her and that they would look after her until she went. In the end DH went and I stayed at home with DS.

We made it clear the DDog would not come home, and it was a final goodbye. There were many cuddles and kisses- although DS needed to be told to say goodbye do that he didn’t regret it later.

It was really hard, DS knew it was done with love but still struggled. I’ve started sobbing again while writing to you, so clearly I found it tough too. Lots of hugs.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 10/07/2019 17:52

How aware are the older 2 of his sick he is?
I like Soulrunner's idea that he died, rather than giving them and ddog any more stress.
Perhaps you could say he died in his sleep? (I don't normally advocate lying to kids but I think stress prevention for all parties is important here.)
Much love to you.

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Undercoverdetective · 10/07/2019 17:53

Maybe talk about the fact dog needs to rest because he's tired and hurting and the vet will put them comfortable but they will probably go to sleep and not wake up again. But they will be happy and have lovely dreams. The children will grieve so tangible things like helping put straw in the grave or planting a plant to remember dog that they can then care for. When dog goes to the vets perhaps they can light a candle to think about dog and hope he's comfortable. So sorry.

Gertie75 · 10/07/2019 17:57

Sorry to hear about your dog.

We had our elderly gsd put to sleep in January, dd's are 4 and 6 and I was honest with them, I explained that she was tired and fed up and that it wouldn't hurt and it was a kind thing to do for her, they both gave her a hug and said their goodbyes.

I didn't want to make too big a deal over it as I want them to accept death is part of life and not be scared of it, the hardest bit was keeping it together in front of them.

Soola · 10/07/2019 18:01

Be honest. He was old and tired.

When my children were small they used to see their step grandmothers dog a lot when visiting their father and when the dog has to be put to sleep because of old age they said she’d run off!

This caused anxiety for my children who wanted to look for her and they imagined all sorts of things happening to her. They were upset she was alone and in a field or forest at night.

When I found out it was a lie and the dog hadn’t run off I told them the truth and they were relieved and understood that she had gone to ‘forever sleep.’

Soola · 10/07/2019 18:02

And for you Flowers sorry for your loss.

Cyberworrier · 10/07/2019 18:02

My mum said what Soulrunner suggests, until we were teens. I think getting through a beloved dog dying is hard enough, without trying to explain/understand the concept of pets being put to sleep/euthanasia.
My mum did say Dog is very poorly, we are taking them to the vet- and made sure we gave them big hugs/kisses before they went.
My condolences.

Beamur · 10/07/2019 18:06

Gertie75 same approach as I would take.
Honest but age appropriate.
Sorry you're having to do this - always so sad.

stucknoue · 10/07/2019 18:06

I think honesty is always best. Sit them down tonight, tell them ddog is very poorly, in lots of pain and the vet cannot fix him, that 11 is old for a dog, and tomorrow the vet will give him a medicine that will stop his heart. Avoid put to sleep as it confuses kids, but the older ones will want to say goodbye. Tell them you will plant a tree and have a ceremony at the weekend, let them read a poem, perhaps a prayer if you are religious (my neighbours were singing all thing bright and beautiful in the garden and it was for their grandchildren's cat who had died). They may ask quite direct questions, be truthful, but let them also get on with whatever they want to do

NotYourHolidayDick · 10/07/2019 18:09

Please don't tell them that he's going to sleep and won't wake up again.

Death has nothing to do with sleep. Sleep is nothing to be feared!

Georgiemcgeorgeface · 10/07/2019 18:10

I had been broaching this subject with my 12yo regarding our elderly cat and he was so upset and against it, despite me explaining it's the kindest thing etc. When the time came I went alone and told my DC that he had died naturally at home. Of course DC was still very upset but less so (IMO) then thinking I'd made that decision.

If you do decide to tell them the truth do avoid the term put to sleep it can be confusing and it's better to explain things matter of fact as some other posters advise.

SamBeckett · 10/07/2019 19:10

I agree with PP don't say he has been put to sleep , it may confuse dcs.
Please please do not say anything like he has gone to a farm / playing in another country .
I was told this by a well meaning relative when my Ddog was pts when I was 10 . For days I wanted to know why my parents had give her away or why she had run away .
It turns out my Ddad was mugged and she tried to protect him but the bastard muggers dog attacked her and my Dad.

I hated her for wanting to live somewhere eles bit she died a hero.

Original poster
LegionOfDoom · 10/07/2019 19:22

Thank you so much for all the replies

I won’t use the term put to sleep and will try and keep it factual and to the point.

He was a Rottweiler and he’s actually almost 12, so did very well for his breed.

We will have to go tomorrow when the oldest two are at school and youngest in nursery, so I will get them to say goodbye before the leave and explain he will not be coming back.

OP posts:
trevthecat · 10/07/2019 19:27

This was us last year. We were honest the day after. The kids were 8 and 5. Unfortunately our boy had a stroke and he was so poorly. We explained to them age appropriately. On the night, my mil looked after the kids, we came home after they were in bed with a treat for both kids and a card from brandy, explaining how he was so happy they had been in his life, that he had loved every minute of their childhood and how he loved them (bloody crying now!) It was so hard. But they took it ok. We cried together. Best wishes, a heartbreaking time for all x

Shadow1234 · 10/07/2019 19:34

I agree with being honest, but also think it's right that the children get to have cuddles and say goodbye. I came home from school one day to find my dog had been pts. I knew she was poorly and old, and didn't have long, but to go out in the morning and not have her there when I came back was devastating. How I wish I could have given one last cuddle and said a proper goodbye.

Years later when our family pet had to be pts, I was very honest with my children about why and when this would be happening, and as sad as it was, I think it helped them to understand it was the kindest thing to do for the dog, and they each got to say their goodbyes.

spiderlight · 10/07/2019 20:22

Our beloved old boy had to be put to sleep in January. We'd had him 15 years and DS (12) had never known life without him - he was born at home and had been around our dogs from an hour old. He'd also lost his beloved grandad three weeks before so it was a very, very hard time for him - for all of us :( We knew Archie was very poorly (kidney failure); he'd stopped eating and was barely drinking. We had the vet booked to come to the house but we didn't tell DS in advance, partly because, perhaps selfishly, we knew it would be far harder for all concerned if he were here and there was no way we could send him to school knowing it was happening. We made sure that morning that they had a lovely cuddle before DS left for school and I took a nice photo of them cwtched up together. DS was inevitably devastated when he came home, but he understood how poorly he'd been and that it would have been cruel to expect him to keep going when he wouldn't eat or drink. I didn't want him to have to go through the same distress in advance that we had to, though.

Georgiemcgeorgeface · 10/07/2019 20:25

Thoughts are with you OP it's a very difficult time x

PhillipeFellope · 10/07/2019 20:39

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

Our girl had to be PTS a couple of months ago. My ds was only 2.6 so much younger but he was very aware that everyone was very upset and the dog had gone.

I told him that the dog was very old, very poorly and her heart stopped and she died. He knows a heart "beeps" to keep you alive and moving and that "her heart beep had stopped" 😭 he'll ask about her occasionally, then remember she's not here and say "she died, her heart beep stopped, she lives with the angels in heaven now".

MrStateTrooper · 10/07/2019 20:46

Have you got a copy of Goodbye Mog to hand? Was going to say you could use it as a talking point during bedtime stories etc, but perhaps it's a bit late for that.

Original poster
LegionOfDoom · 10/07/2019 21:15

spiderlight Similar to you, our dc have never been without the dogs so I know it will hit them hard. We do have another dog who is 13 but she’s a bit more grumpy and intolerant of the kids. The Rottie was always the kids dogs. They all love her and she loved them.

MrStateTrooper Thank you I will see if I can get a copy of that book to read to them

OP posts:
Original poster
LegionOfDoom · 10/07/2019 21:16

That’s he loved them

OP posts:
Original poster
LegionOfDoom · 10/07/2019 21:16

Thanks for all the Flowers

OP posts:
Grimbles · 10/07/2019 21:22

I think honesty is the best policy and echo the advice not to say hes been put to sleep or died in his sleep. When our cat was PTS, we told DS that cat had got really old and his body wasnt working very well any more and he would never get better. Although it's very sad it was better for cat to die painlessly so he didn't get any worse.

Wallywobbles · 10/07/2019 21:27

Our DDog died in my arms, we knew it was coming and she went into a coma. The DC were 2&3 and very much there. Her son died when they 7&8 or so. Absolutely adored dogs both of them. I had him put to sleep at home. We all said goodbye. They died in our arms. It wasn't overly terrible. Really was going to sleep. Second injection to stop his heart. Being there really was essential to getting over it. If possible the other dogs should see the dead dog too so they know what's happened. Good luck.

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