I don’t know what to do, too much going on

[Turquoisetamborine]

I’m supposed to go to work today. I know I’ve got loads of important appointments but I feel so ill, not physically although I do have a sore throat.
In the last few days my brother has taken an overdose because he is gay and married, he’s okay but this has massive implications not least because he’s a nurse. Also my son has had his taster days at secondary school and hasn’t been put with any of his friends so is crying and getting so upset saying he doesn’t want to go.
We also have a rented house which has flooded on Monday and my dad went in to sort it and said the tenant has seven dogs, rabbits, cats in a tiny terraced house. The house is an absolute tip and we are going to have to evict him. He also hasn’t paid his rent this month so I’m not sure how we will pay the mortgage. I’m so worried about that and think he will drag his heels and not leave as where will he go with all those animals.
I’m not a big landlord, it’s just our old house in negative equity which we couldn’t sell. The rent doesn’t even cover the mortgage.

We have literally just managed to pay off all of our debt other than that house and now we will have to go back into debt if he doesn’t pay his rent then thousands to try to get the house back to a nice state.
My parents have offered to lend us the shortfall so we can sell it but obviously we will have to pay them back so that will be months of hardship.

I can’t sleep, I’m just so worried and don’t know how to deal with all this.

It's very hard I know but try and get some sleep. It will be much easier to deal with everything once you've slept. xx

I slept from 11 til 3. Hopefully I’ll go back to bed later. I’ve told my boss I’m so sorry I just can’t function enough to come in today.

Ok. That's quite a week, I'm sorry to hear about your brother and I hope he is receiving the support he desperately needs. Hopefully he will eventually feel strong enough to make decisions and choices that are fair to himself and his family.

Sometimes family members are going through life changing decisions line this. It's really hard because there's really very little you can do other than there offering support.

With regard to your son, secondary schools do this a lot. They seem to put lots of groups of kids together but there are always a few that are with no one. They find themselves completely alone in a class of strangers.

Was your son allowed to put a name if same he wanted to be with? Normally unless that child also nominates your child they won't be together.

This is why these taster days can be more stress than they are worth. They can cause a lot of stress to a parent and child from here to their September start day.. Even worse, if you call the new school to say anything, they will probably be unable to do anything. Ours would not have done a thing frankly.

I would approach it with a 'new year, new school, new friends' outlook. Turn it around, tell him that he will see his friends at break and lunch times, the rest of the day will be about making new friends.

Unfortunately, the reality is that very few primary friendships survive the transition to secondary school. I found at secondary school in general that a lot of friendships are made that last a lot longer.

I would also take the opportunity to consider what out of school activities your son does, if he is sporty can his club offer stuff over the summer holiday? Building a friendship base outside school is just as important as the one they have at school.

With regard to the house, you need to communicate by email with your tenant. Do you have a letting agent who can do this? Is it worth taking on an agent now who can deal with this for you?

Work issue sounds stressful, you can either go in and go to your gp? He may well assess you as having stress and recommend you have some time off work.

Would you get sick pay? Or would that make finances worse?

Not really sure ive helped really xx

You’ve definitely got lots going on.
Hopefully coming out will be the first step in things improving for your brother. It needn’t affect his career. I’m an Nhs manager and have known several staff who’ve been suicidal. All have continued to practice.
I have no experience letting houses, but maybe you can contact the mortgage provider tomorrow. Many allow a 2-6 month payment holiday, either officially or unofficially.
Talk to your son about strategies for making new friends/ having someone to sit with until he meets up with old friends at lunch. My (painfully shy) dd was on her own too (only one from her school) , and took to approaching anyone she saw alone and suggesting they sit together until they saw their (the other person’s) friends. By week 2 she had a group of 16 people who sat together for lunch. She now has 18 “best” friends, plus others in certain classes/ activities/ on the bus/ when walking in etc. It’s the worrying that’s the worst, so maybe plan some fun stuff to take his/ your mind off it over summer.
Good luck.

Donut thanks so much for replying. I’ve messaged my boss and explained the situation in brief. I’ve a stammer so find phone calls very difficult. She is nice so I’m sure she’ll ring me later and be sympathetic. I’ve only been off one day in the last 18 months. I feel pathetic for not going in today but I spent yesterday not really doing anything productive and feeling as though I couldn’t breathe or concentrate.

Thanks for the advice on my son. He developed anxiety during his SATS which we’ve just got under control so to feel as though he’s suffering again is awful. Yes I wish he’d never had these taster days. He’s been at his primary school since year four and been so happy there with his friends. I had to pull him out of his last school because of terrible bullying. He feels like the friendship group he has now will forget him if he’s not in the same form.

He plays football a few times a week and is doing a couple of weeks football course in the summer so yes I’ll try and build up outside friendships too. I know he will be okay eventually and will try to put a positive spin on it as you say.

My poor brother has had this coming a long time. I’m just trying to be there for him and his poor wife and daughter. I just feel terrified he’s going to try to kill himself again. My dad is helping but he won’t tell him he’s gay so there’s little he can really do if he won’t be honest with him.

We manage the rented house on our own, no agent. We don’t want to get an agent as we want to sell it. My H will ring the insurers today and make a claim for all the flood damage as we will need a new kitchen, flooring etc.

I just don’t want to be in debt. It makes everything so much harder to deal with.

I love that idea about approaching others on their own, how easy is that?

X

Thank you howmanysleeps mortgage holiday is a good idea. We can ring them today and get that in place to give us some breathing space.
I’m glad your daughter used that technique to make friends and she’s happy now. I know he will make friends and usually I could deal with this fine and gee him along, I think it’s just the culmination of things going wrong/worrying me.

My poor brother must be so tortured over this. His work are being really supportive so hopefully he won’t lose his career.
I do get sick pay so that won’t be a problem. I’m off on a thurs and fri anyway and am hoping to be better by Monday. I just need today to try and get myself better. I work in a very stressful job and I jusy don’t think I could give my customers good service today.