Is it definitely a rebound if he's been separated 9 months and he gets intense quickly?

[Loka123]

Is it definitely a rebound if he's been separated 9 months and he gets intense quickly?

He's separated 9 months ago from after a decade long marriage - no huge dramatic end but more one of incompatibility (he says) and no children.

Met him recently and he has come on very strong.. constant communication, constantly wanting to meet up, very talkative, very complimentary, etc. (but he's definitely not pushing for sex etc. but just loves chatting about what he's done his life and asking lots about my life, he said he was only looking for friendships online before we met but then really liked me... says he wishes he met me a few months later after his divorce is done) and seems like a genuine, nice guy but says he feels a bit guarded due to the end of his marriage (and says he's over her but the finances, divorce process etc takes a toll) and that sometimes his self esteem is sky high and sometimes at rock bottom.

Am I likely to be a definite rebound or is there a chance this is something real?

and that sometimes his self esteem is sky high and sometimes at rock bottom.

This would be the bit which would give me the most pause. Is he quite well? Is he trying to tell you something? Why did that marriage end?

But I would also wonder why he had everything on fast forward. Can he not "do" single? I would want to be sure he really wanted me, not just any old woman. Take it slow.

You've posted on here. You know the answer already. Listen to your gut.

Yes. And you know it perfectly well, OP. If you really like him, tell him to get in touch in a year if you’re single.

I don’t get this thing on here recently about not wanting to get involved with people who are separated but still legally married. 9 months post-separation is definitely single.
Just because the legal stuff hasn’t gone through yet has no bearing on whether he is/isn’t ready for another relationship.

I got quickly into the dating/r’ship scene after my marital separation (as did my now-ex H) and we’re both happily with new partners who we met v soon after.

A lot depends on what caused the breakdown of the marriage. In my case, we’d been living v separate lives for a long time, no physical intimacy etc, and so we were both ready for a new romance after we split. If, however, we’d split acrimoniously as a result of an infidelity (for example) then the “injured” party would be probably still recovering from that and would be v reboundy if in a new relationship.

I guess what I’m saying is each circumstance is different, and people shouldn’t be written off just because they’re still legally not divorced yet.

OP- you need to drill down into the circumstances behind the marital split, to find out where his head is at re: his relationship status, and whether he’s ready for a new r’ship. Hopefully he is.

No I don't think it has to be rebound, 9 months is a long time.
I was dating well before my divorce was finalised it took forever, so long in fact that when my friend wanted to celebrate I was so past it and over it I couldn't care less about that silly red slip of paper which said I was a free woman. In my head I already was.
Does he think you want him to be divorced first?
The high and low thing would bother me though.

I met DP six months after his separation and he's definitely the one (he feels the same). Depends how you feel about the guy if it's worth taking a chance.

Not necessarily. I met my partner 6 months after his breakup from ex which was about a 6 year relationship with 2 children (for reference she left him). He was quite intense from the start but we are still together 7 years later, just brought our second house together and expecting a baby later this year

I met my husband the month after I split with my ex. When a door shuts, a window opens!

Obviously we're all different but nobit isn't definitely a rebound. I split up with my husband of 20 years before Xmas and already have a new boyfriend although it's still early days. I feel I have processed the reasons for my marriage failure and own my part in the breakdown. I have thought a lot about my communication and what I did wrong.

But like your new man I have the odd day of low self esteem - but that's pretty normal even with people who aren't going through a breakup.

All you can do is get to know him and make a decision on how 'over' he is his wife.

I met my now DH just 6 weeks after he split from his first wife. I too was worried at the time I was a rebound fling but 17 years (14 of them married), 2 kids and lots of adventures later we're very happy. I would say if it feels right you'll know. Good luck and go for it.

Thanks so much to all those who posted - I've read each and every one of your replies.

I dont think the 9 months is an issue. But the intensity is a red flag. Him saying he was online dating only looking for friendahip is nonesense and therefore a red flag. The fact he said he is guarded because of divorce, to me is him making an excuse for future poor behaviour. Another red flag. And self esteem on the floor is the final red flag.

Wave him on.