Angry husband

[Famfrmm]

My husband is a very angry man, he does have mental health issues which I have always tried to support, but I am now questioning our relationship. He’s lost nearly all of his friends, on the verge of losing his job. I have two children and I just don’t know what to do. He is never physical, however the way he shouts at me and my children sickens me. He constantly tells me that the reason our children “cry” is my fault and that I’m too soft on them. The reason I’m questioning it all, is because he always tells me how much he loves me, how amazing I am, and I genuinely think he doesn’t realise how vile he can be, if I was someone looking in I would say just leave him, he doesn’t make you happy. But it’s never that easy is it? I feel like I’ve given him too many chances over the years, I don’t want to leave my children with him alone, not that I think he would ever hurt them physically but his temper is so short and he has no patience that when he shouts he sounds so loud and scary. I’m also scared that if I’m ever brave enough to leave him, he just wouldn’t allow it. I’m stuck I don’t even know why I’m writing this post as I don’t see how anyone can help me.

Has he ever got help for his issues? Anger management or counselling?
Does he know how awful he sounds?
Ask him what he would think if he saw a father in the street talking to his young children like that, basically bullying and verbally abusing them.

Oh and you can definitely leave him.
He can’t not allow you. Have you got friends or family who can help?

He’s had anger management in the past but he thinks it’s pointless, it makes me so sad as one minute my son adores him and the next he is terrified. He doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with the way he shouts as “children should be disciplined”
I’ve asked him to calm down so many times but he always tries to turn it round and make out like it’s my fault.
Thankyou for your reply x

You can't let him continue to abuse your children.

I’m in absolute denial, I put on a brave face to everyone. But I can honestly say that if I told my friends and family how I’m feeling and what I’m wanting to do, they would 100% support me and say that they are glad for me and my children. I know deep down that all my friends and family can see what he’s like but never to the extent as it is at home. I’m in such a rut but I refuse to let my children grow up with a father like that :(

Tell them - it will be a massive relief.
Always remember this is his shame, not yours. He has been offered things to help and refused.
I hope you will be pleasantly surprised at the support you get.

Your husband is a shitty excuse of a man and a terrible father and husband - scaring and scarring are close in many ways

Do something, tomorrow - save your poor little children from this abuse, even if you've given up on yourself

What scares me the most, is if I do leave him that he will take my children away, he’s my husband and their father and on the birth certificate so surely he has as many rights as me? My children are my life. He knows that’s the only way that can really hurt me, my poor innocent babies. I just don’t know what to do.

You already know what you must do and you can’t ‘unknow’ that. It is just how long it takes before you have the energy/strength to walk away. At some point he will cross a line that forces you to decide. Much better to escape the tyranny before you hate each other. He won’t understand but probably never would. Good luck op I left 3 weeks ago and that was years too late.

I'm sorry that you and your children are going through this. You know in your heart what you need to do, even if it's for your children's sake.
It is highly unlikely that the court will award residency to your husband, particularly if he has mental health problems, so please don't worry about that.
If you can afford to, or afford to borrow the money off family to, then see a solicitor to help put your mind at ease regarding residency of the children.
Your husband see's intervention for his behaviour / mental health as a waste of time, and such as will not improve, and maybe even become worse.
Children shouldn't be terrified or even scared of their parent or any other care giver. This will only serve to ensure that your children will make a conscious effort to leave home as soon as they are able due to his temper, they will end up resentful of him.
You can leave with the children at any time and he cannot stop you, please stop letting him intimidate and bully you on that issue.
It will be far more beneficial and productive for you and your children to have a peaceful home, free from fear.
For their sake, if not your own, leave and gain some happiness for you all, before it's too late.