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Original poster

If someone sends you a message saying "Hey, thought you'd like this".....

53 replies

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 08/07/2019 22:23

....how do you reply?

Let's assume for the sake of argument that the sender is a member of your social circle whom you've known for a few years and have chatted to plenty of times (i.e. definitely not a randomer/spam).

OP posts:
Original poster
ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 09/07/2019 06:17

My friend and I often send one another links to clothes, books, and news stories we think the other will like - this is what I do! It is never memes, I hate the things. I only ever send to one person too.

OP posts:
Itstheprinciple · 09/07/2019 20:01

My MIL sends me things like this via messenger and TBH I do just tend to ignore as I wonder why she doesn't just tag me in it on FB.

Nautiloid · 09/07/2019 20:05

I'd assume they were an MLM bot.

Original poster
ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 09/07/2019 22:20

Right, so it sounds like no-one likes it and I should stop doing it!

That does mean I will have to start keeping a little list of 'Things I want to tell people' and carefully refer to it every time I see them (we all live quite far away from each other so in-person meetups are rare). I won't look like a complete weirdo at all Grin

OP posts:
Youwantshoesinashoeshop · 09/07/2019 23:17

No, honestly, Contessa. Dont write this off. I do it with my friends and them with me. I think of it like ye olden days when you used to ring people up to discuss films/music/ telly. I personally think it's pretty rude to ignore a message intended just for one person, where the sender has taken time to think of you and I also think, if someone is saying "I like this and I think you will too" that is a little bit like putting yourself and your tastes on the line 😳. Shared taste is how proper, meaningful friendships are often born.

Are these people who give back to you in other ways?? If not, maybe they are not the people for you....

Comefromaway · 09/07/2019 23:25

I’d assume they’d been hacked and it was a virused link.

I would expect some kind of longer explanation.

adaline · 10/07/2019 07:59

I tend to ignore it tbh - unless it's a good friend and they'd said they were going to send me/link me something.

Also a lot of messages like that tend to be spam or chain mail and I'm afraid they're not things I give any oxygen to!

ShatnersWig · 10/07/2019 08:09

I only reply to messages that need replying to.

So, "Do you fancy doing something on Saturday?" requires an answer.

"Hey, thought you'd like this" doesn't require an answer.

Youwantshoesinashoeshop · 10/07/2019 16:37

Mm it doesn't require an answer but ya know some people just like chatting!

ShatnersWig · 10/07/2019 17:00

Youwantshoes if you want to chat, then chat. Ask how your day was, or whether you saw the Federer match, or Gentleman Jack last night, or "did you know X was shagging Y?" That's chatting.

dontgobaconmyheart · 10/07/2019 17:16

Honestly OP it sounds harsh and I don't think it's a reflection of you but I would just assume they aren't that interested really. At the end of the day if people want to engage in conversation or keep it going they generally will- we obviously all reply to some people not others and its generally about how we feel towards the person and if we want to sustain a relationship with them rather than the content.

I find it a bit odd when people pop up with stuff like this if it's been a while, I'd rather they messaged with a hi how are you/fancy a coffee next week etc.

scaevola · 10/07/2019 17:28

Unless you can clearly see from the link that it is going to somewhere reputable, then I think you should send a fresh email (not just a 'reply') to say

'Thanks for your email, before I click the link, can I just check you really did send me something?'

I send stuff only very occasionally, and when I have genuinely seen something I think the person would be interested in. And it would probably be part of a longer, personal missive, so that there should be no doubt it was me writing.

Short Ines that are essentially just asking someone to open something can all too easily be phishing from a hijacked account

Original poster
ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 11/07/2019 22:23

Thanks for all the replies - I can see that a lot of people feel quite differently to how I would if I received something like this!

The links are always pretty obvious - I try not to use spam-message language, and a picture usually pops up of whatever I'm linking to. So it's not like they would be clicking into the unknown.

I think I will give up trying though. I sent a link to an event I'm thinking of attending to a friend today, and it is absolutely something she would be interested in too. I sent a preliminary personalised message, then the link, then a quick afterthought (none of this took more than a minute). She saw it immediately, but didn't respond. So if even that particular instance gets no response, it seems unlikely any other one will.

It's a bit of a shame as I don't get to see my friends much - we all have busy lives and live in different places. Plus I HATE chatting over text/phone, with a fiery hate. It's horrible and stilted and you never know when it's over. So I guess I'll just have to wait until I see them to mention stuff I know they'd like. It seems a shame to me but fair enough - the hive mind has spoken :) thanks all.

OP posts:
Witchend · 11/07/2019 23:30

Are you being serious?
I mean I get loads of exactly those that pretend to be from friends but are spam. Probably one a week or more. Heck, once I'd even sent myself one once Grin
I'd always delete without opening.

ImportantWater · 11/07/2019 23:35

I have to say I would find that annoying and probably wouldn’t reply. It’s like “I saw this and thought of you!!?!” cards. If there is something I thinka friend might like I tend to just share things on FB generally and often the person I was thinking of will reply and I will say “I thought you’d like it!” But that way I am not putting pressure on them to a/ look at it and b/ have an opinion.

ImportantWater · 11/07/2019 23:38

If it was an event I thought someone might like to come to with me, I would say that, rather than “hey I thought you might like this” which is a bit vague and doesn’t really require a response. I’d say “I’m thinking of going to this. Would you fancy it? No probs if not, just thought you might”.

MyKingdomForBrie · 11/07/2019 23:38

I would always respond to a message like that and I think your friends sound rude - do they respond to other types of communication from you?

Gingerkittykat · 12/07/2019 00:09

I've got a friend who sends me (and everyone else) loads of random shit on messenger. Yesterday it was one of those fake ghost videos where a scary face jumps out, I happened to watch it so made a short comment. Other times I will just ignore her, especially when she sends me details of dozens of events that I'm not interested in. I've also trained myself not to respond to her anti abortion crap

Sometimes you send things and people comment, sometimes they don't. Don't read too much into it. Just don't be that annoying person who sends constant nonsense, why not post on your main page if you want a discussion?

MeetMeInMontauk · 12/07/2019 06:50

I've only ever sent this sort of thing in the form of YouTube links to songs/artists that I thought a couple of friends (who I knew in advance shared a love of a specifically niche music genre) would appreciate. This was more historic though, in the days of MSN messenger. Agree with PPs that nowadays it would probably be interpreted as spam bot posting by the recipient and ignored - I know that that's my default response to receiving something worded like 'Check this out!', especially if received over FB.

Original poster
ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 12/07/2019 06:55

I've got a friend who sends me (and everyone else) loads of random shit on messenger.

That's not what I'm doing - I've explained that.

Just don't be that annoying person who sends constant nonsense

That's not what I'm doing - I've explained that.

mykingdomforbrie - I dimly recall them responding to direct questions Grin

I think maybe the fact that we're a sort of merged social group has something to do with it. There's one central couple in the group who are very friendly and just assemble everyone they know at their house - therefore I've spent a lot of time over the years getting to know these friends-of-friends, and was under the impression that along the way we'd become friends too. We're still more at the 'see each other as part of a group' rather than 'meet up individually' social level though, so it would be weird if I said to them 'Hey, let's meet up separately to chat'.

Christ, social interaction is hard - I may just stop now Grin I do have some actual friends who do talk to me!!

OP posts:
LikeDolphinsCanSwin · 12/07/2019 07:02

How are you sending it? Via email I wouldn’t click on a link like that if I even saw it (most of that sort of thing gets diverted to Trash or flagged as a potential virus threat).

Original poster
ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 12/07/2019 07:46

Via FB messenger, or WhatsApp, with non-spam wording ahead of the link to show it's from a person.

OP posts:
Youwantshoesinashoeshop · 12/07/2019 18:59

I still think they are a bit rude.
I don't think it is you.
They might just be wither very busy, or not want the same level of contact you do, or just.... not be that nice.

nikkylou · 12/07/2019 20:38

If you're sending links, especially to articles and websites...you might be inadvertently sending them down a rabbit hole...

So open link, read the article, click some click bait, three articles later they've kinda forgotten you linked in the first place...

gamerwidow · 12/07/2019 20:47

*Just don't be that annoying person who sends constant nonsense

That's not what I'm doing - I've explained that. *
But you are doing that.
If you were sending things people were actually interested in then they would have responded to them.

I know you are sending stuff with the very best of intentions but the recipient has made it clear by their lack of interaction they are not interested.
Some people just don’t want to chat in this way.
I would ignore anything like this sent to me because I wouldn’t want to encourage the sender to think I wanted them to send me more stuff.