Workplace politics

[anneheggerty]

For background, I work in what is a large team for the organisation, there's 30 approx. All mixtures of full time and part time, reduced hours, people coming and going at different times and the work isn't predominantly office based either so there can be a different number of people in the office at any day dependent on how busy our diaries are.

Now the issue is, 5 women from the team have become socially very close. No issue. But then have become very 'cliquey' in the office, very bitchy, secretive, whispering etc. Again no rule against whispering but it's making me and others feel uncomfortable. People have stopped coming in to this office and working in other places as they have felt really uncomfortable due to this 'popular' group of people.

No other member of staff felt comfortable raising the situation with a direct manager so i was confident and comfortable enough to do this.

In a one to one meeting with a manager last Friday she asked how I was feeling and if there were any issues in the team. I did end up telling her what had been going on and how people have been made to feel. And I guess a part of me knew this would happen but my manager basically sided with the 'clique' saying friendships are allowed (I know they are) and the others should just get on with it and focus on themselves.

I think it's really tough to explain how a bunch of 5 girls can make others feel so low, left out and crap. Basically like mean girls and being back in school.

But after that all, what my question actually is, how do you cope? Does anyone have any coping strategies? I've got anxiety about coming in to the office when certain people are in, but can't avoid going in. How do I stop one group of people affecting my mental health so much?

Any tips greatly appreciated.

That sounds miserable, OP.

Is there any way of tuning it out? Could you wear headphones or something just to get a bit of space between you and the silliness?

Or could you tackle it really openly so you can't be accused of anything underhand? I'd feel tempted to ask if they'd like to share what they're whispering with the rest of the class. Or simply say 'we all worry you're talking about us when you whisper in the office! Any chance you could save it for your lunches?'

But I am not known for my politic behaviour!

Anyone else got any ideas?

Hope it improves anyway, OP.

We had that in my team - it was 'the lads' who were lovely individuals but intimidating as a group. I was a manager but not the team leader so I did try and manage it but it was really bloody hard tbh. My boss found it next to impossible as well.

We talked to them individually, went down the formal feedback route, flagged it to the more ambitious that it wasn't demonstrating great people skills etc but it made very little real difference as they couldn't/wouldn't see this as a problem even when told directly by my bosses boss that it was.

As I say, individually they were good at their jobs, personable and good team members so it was really hard to basically say stop being friends. I know some of the team perceived this as us 'siding' with them but we weren't. We were just very limited in what we could do.

Have you spoken to one of them to let them know the impact they are having? Not confrontationally but informally. They may not be aware (one of my boys wasn't and was mortified when he found out afterwards that people resigned because of it. Others didn't care)

You're making me feel grateful that my colleagues are all pretty nice people.

It sounds like there are 25 nice people in the office (83%), can you orient your attention & social awareness much more towards them?

Hey @anneheggerty I'm in the same boat so I sympathise with you.
My work is slightly different in that I don't have a desk and sort of float around here there and everywhere doing this and that. This means I unfortunately end up hearing and seeing a lot including clique members straight up slagging me off.
I'd also love some advice on how to cope with it as I cannot avoid these people in the slightest and I'm not one to go tell them as I'm really conscious of how I'm portrayed there.
(There's tonnes more background to it but cannot be specific about details on here).

Previous poster hit the nail on the head. Individually you can have conversations with these people, but they usually only have time for other people when their 'friends' arent in. The second the group is together you're left out of any conversation.

Again it's not that as much that bothers me, being in the 'cool crew' was never something I cared about but it's the pack mentality. You can't raise anything about a person from that group's work or even ask where they are without 5 answers assuming you're trying to get someone in trouble.

It's hard to explain over a post but it's little things like that. And they never want their friends to be in trouble so they're quick to make small issues about other team members much bigger to divert attention anyway from theirs.

Oh god sounds so trivial doesn't it, but it has such an affect on my mental health and others but others are not up for raising this with their direct manager. I'm the only one that did and now I really really regret it.