Feeling "ditzy" and stupid/simple on dates!

[Borelis]

Hi all,
I'm mid-20s, lively, smiley, very academic (highly qualified) but I notice on dates often, the guy (who is often 5-10 years older than me, some 2-3 years older) will often have tons of holidays abroad stories, know about tons of restaurants, different cuisines and be good at directions and talk tons whereas I'm a little quieter, don't know about so many diverse topics, and really bad at directions (feel lost coming back from the loo sometimes when out at public places..!) so I feel like a newborn who hasn't lived and these guys seem so worldly, chatty and good at directions.. :(.. and I eat considerably less than they do when going out to eat etc.

I was just wondering if any other women feel like this in comparison to their partners? I don't know that many women so have no idea if I should be more "equal" to them or the differences I'm seeing are fairly "normal"? I just worry it'll be a turn off.

Bump

Hmmm.....These men aren't very good at drawing you out conversationally, are they?

Also, I wonder why it is that you're always going for men that bit older? I have to admit, it's always been a habit of mine, too, but then, I do have a few issues, more so when I was younger. I was drawn to men who knew (or appeared to know) more than me, have more experience etc, but if you're not enjoying this, maybe make an intentional effort to date men your own age- or even a bit younger??

Thanks for your response. Yeah it might be the older guys thing but it's not that I don't like them/enjoy it, but more the worry they think I'm "simple" or shallow, stupid, etc. as most people prefer people at the same level I guess?

Hmmm....well, do they? A brief history of the patriarchy says "Nuh-huh", and that men tend to find themselves partners that they can feel superior to. Yeah, yeah, *NAMALT, yadda yadda.....just most of them, I find.

I'm speaking from a position of actually having suffered emotional abuse from a previous partner who could not stand me knowing more about him on any subject (and I mean, up to and including my own ovulatory cycle). He would follow me around and harangue me for hours until I was sobbing, just so I would give in and admit he was right. Only I had to do it in the right tone and sound convincing enough, otherwise he would harangue me some more.

Incidentally, I suspect that you may well be a lot more intelligent, and possibly have a more impressive set of qualifications, than some of these blokes, which is why they're rolling all the anecdotes out to impress you.

I used to date men like this on purpose.... I was slightly messed up in my 20s though.

I was going to type out all my ishoos but it'd be terribly boring; in short, I was a flaming disaster and the person who is right for you won't make you feel like that.

agree with Tiefrontdress a person right for you shouldnt make you feel like that, they should make you feel comfortable with them. instead it looks like they are showing off.
so, its not your fault.

Perhaps you could set yourself a little test? See if you can find a man who says...."Actually, I don't know much about that. I bet you're an expert...could you explain it to me?"*

It feels good

*doesn't necessarily mean he's a keeper- plenty of canny men out there who know flattering a woman's intelligence gets results. But it's a good start.

How do you know so many of the m are good at directions? What weird date chat do you have??

OP a good date will want to talk to you about what you're interested in too, ot just talk AT you about their worldy experiences. Sounds like you're dating the wring men.

Mind you, there's nothing like meeting a succession of blokes at a succession of unfamiliar places that neither of you have ever been to before to sort the sheep out from the goats navigationally , sleeping.....This is probably how OP knows some of them are good at directions. It's not the be all and end all, though!

OP, why don't you come over and join us on the endless succession of dating threads in Relationships? Instant character assassination analysis of your latest date and feedback available 24/7 (ish)!

I think a big change for me came when I started to think about a date as less of a chance for me to please/impress some random man but time for him to impress me.

Very embarrassingly, I had a Pinterest board full of 'inspirational quotes' which were mostly trite illustrations of quotes wrongly attributed to Coco Chanel and/or Beyonce, however, they served the purpose of getting some girl power into me.

As the almighty Christina Yang said in Grey's Anatomy (you see, you'll be much more intelligent than me, OP): He is not the sun, you are.

@crackofdoom ah yes, I was imagining these men showing off their dire ting prowess with patronising directions to the toilet and anecdotes about how they once navigated their way through a haunted forest at night with nothing but a broken compass and a box of matches

Thanks a lot everyone so far for your helpful replies. Just to make it clear, none of these guys made me feel bad about knowing less... it's more of an internalized insecurity (perhaps they're being polite as it would be an odd thing to point out - as I've had the reverse with some guys where I've been the more knowledgeable, "interesting" one but I wouldn't ever think to say that out loud to the other person). The reason I knew about them good at directions is that sometimes these guys would come to my city to meet up, etc. and they'd find their way around much easier than I do.

@crackofdoom Ah that sounds awful :( esp the bit about the ovulatory cycle.. bet he was a total mansplainer as well.

@crackofdoom haha just saw your latest reply. Yes you're right about the relationships section on here lol.

I think you've spent too much time studying & not living life. Might have been better getting your head out of books & looking at the world around you.

Do you drive ?? One if the best ways of knowing what's where is driving to places. Looking at maps & seeing where places are ?? My ex wife was useless at directions because she didn't drive & when in the car as a passenger spent the journey with her head in her phone. Take a look around you & take in the world.

How funny, we were just talking about mansplaining.....

Another great example of a slightly mediocre man trying to gain the upper hand: I'd been chatting to someone on an online site for a few days recently. He told me where he lived (not where he'd said on his profile, but that's fine), and I jokingly said "Wow! That's nearly Devon!". He responded with "Geography isn't one of your strengths, is it?", and suggested a meet up kind of halfway. When I turned up, I complimented him on finding a place so nearly exactly halfway, and he was like "Well, seeing that you're so terrible at geography, I thought I'd better find somewhere quite close to you..."

It was a very short date....

sleeping
I've had a few men wanting to show me their dire tings.....

@hadthesnip2 Thanks for your reply. Yes I do drive (only since a few months ago) and I'm fine with the satnav etc. but I'm awful at finding shortcuts by myself etc. :(

Yes -I am not good at navigating somewhere new and driving at the same time. Even if I have looked at a map beforehand and written a list of directions. I can do one or the other very well, but not both.
I married a geographer whose general knowledge is superb and makes him really interesting to talk to. But he is not so good at other things, like cooking or finances, for example (although he is great at ironing). You might find it is the same with some of these men, if you get to know one better?