am i having a breakdown?

[buttercup91]

how do you know if your having some sort of breakdown?
Lately i have been feeling really down, i have zero energy and i find myself just crying my heart out nearly every day, i'm in a bad relationship so i understand i have a reason to cry but i'm becoming weak i've got to the point where i'm not sure i'll survive alone because i'm deeming myself as unstable.
No one else can see whats on the inside, to everyone else i fake 'normal',
I smile if someone smiles at me, i talk back to my DS (6) and cuddle him and pull myself together to make his meals etc.
I drag myself to work and soon as i'm here where there's no one i have to really fake to anymore i feel relieved to have a few hours of being just sad.
Yesterday i was so nervous due to my DP's mood, we went out and i got a really nervous belly and had diarrhea, i felt rotten and sat in the house all day from then just crying while my DP ad DS were out.
I was shaking and kept getting hot flushes. As soon as they come back i was back to fake smiling but inside i felt nothing... if i could i would just sit there all day and night with an emotionless face. the only time i can genuinely smile is when i'm alone with DS.

I’m not sure what actually constitutes a ‘nervous breakdown’, I think it’s an old fashioned term. Are you under enough stress that you’re starting to experience physical symptoms? Yes, you are. Do you have a sympathetic GP? You definitely need a review. Meds might be worth considering, they might want to do some bloods to get if there’s physical as well.

Have you looked at counselling or doing The Freedom Programme? Over time they may give you the strength to break free.

for you.

sounds like you need help, sounds like you might be in an abusive relationship if you're scared of your DPs mood? Can you look into local support for this?

Stress can cause all sorts of horrible issues and illnesses. Honour your body and go get some help.

Have you got someone you can visit for a few days while you get your head together?

i have tried to look for a freedom programme but there isn't any in my area or close, i really am unable to take proper action if i'm honest i.e. go anywhere alone without him knowing, apart from ring people and i'm not ready to do that because i know they will make me leave and i don't feel like i can cope mentally with the fallout over DS contact etc. and after watching a programme last night i am stupidly thinking he might murder me if i leave even though i don't actually think he would, i have been speaking to victim support live chat so that helps a bit to have someone to talk to.
I keep thinking in my head that i'm going to start not caring about his feelings just like he doesn't care about mine but then i go home and back in my shell.
I hate medication i hate the thought of tablets controlling my body , that's just something i got from my mum i think.
I need a bloody friend! i need my life back!

OP I think you might get more traffic if this were moved to relationships, I think it would really help you if it were.

Definitely try Women's Aid, worth a call at the very least. If you're worried someone might murder you then that tells me it's serious, no matter how likely or unlikely you think it might be.