Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Reached breaking point with spouse

8 replies

Tutter82 · 08/07/2019 02:43

I've been with my partner for 9 years but lately I'm beyond had it with his behaviour. To cut a long story short his daughter was removed from her mother's care by social services 8 years ago and I've raised her as my own ever since. Her mother didn't see her for several years after this. I took her to school and picked her up everyday, went to every school event ect. My partner likes to throw in my face when he's drunk, which is most days that I don't work. Which I do just not as many hours as him as I'm part time. My step daughter has been self harming very badly for the past 2 years. Her Camhs counselor thinks it's down to abandonment issues. I'm worried to death about her as she's cut very deep and tried to take an overdose. ( I stayed with her in the hospital while she was being treated) I really want her to get better but fear her dad is part of the problem. He's an alcoholic. He drinks wine every night and often gets nasty with me. He's always had a nasty drunk streak but it's getting worse. He's not violent but he's evil. I'm lazy I don't contribute ( lies) he pays for everything. I'm a thorn in his side blah blah blah. I literally have given my all to him. Nothing is ever good enough. When I said I've looked after your child like she's my own I was answered with maybe that's the reason she cuts herself. I know this is wrong. I want to leave I can't handle his drunken emotional abuse any longer. But I can't leave my step daughter behind. I love her as much as my own son. They're both my kids in my heart. I fear me leaving with her issues could tip her over the edge. We're not married so I have no legal rights. I'm staying for her but also worry that by staying I'm showing her this behaviour is acceptable and she'll end up in an abusive relationship too. I just can't not be here for her. Sorry for the long post but I'd appreciate any advice

OP posts:
Hebdenbridge · 08/07/2019 02:48

I don't have advice, but I can sit with you until someone useful comes along. That is a really hard situation. How old is your step daughter? I imagine that there would be a way that she could stay with you. Can you speak to GP to get advice?

Mintjulia · 08/07/2019 03:03

Your partner is lashing out because you are being the parent that he can’t be bothered to be. Just being you shows him up and he deals with that by blaming you for everyone’s problems.. He’s not kind, is he.
I think I’d spend this time building up a fund, or a house deposit. Is your step daughter teenage?
Within a year or two she will be able to choose for herself where she lives. If you live in a separate house nearby and she spends her time with you, what can her father do about it? He’s not likely to go to court & complain that his daughter doesn’t want to be with him because he’s always drunk.
You would still be there for her.

Tutter82 · 08/07/2019 03:26

She's just turned 14. I know she'd rather stay with me in a heart beat. I just worry I've caused her more psychological damage by staying with her drunk dad because the idiot me loved him

OP posts:
everyoneisasleepbutme · 08/07/2019 03:31

You need to report his drinking and behaviour to social services and leave. Where is your son? This can't be good for him either. I know you don't want to leave her but reporting him is an important step and you need to let authorities step in. She is 14, she will vote with her feet.

justilou1 · 08/07/2019 03:33

Tell camhs what’s going on and that you’re leaving, you’re the only stable one and if you’re willing to take her (and dickhead Dad is willing to let her) you’ll have her.

MintyT · 08/07/2019 04:44

Leave and take her too

MooseBeTimeForSummer · 08/07/2019 05:01

She’s been living with you for more than three years. You could apply to the court for permission to apply for a child arrangement Order.

Are social services still involved?

Burpsandrustles · 08/07/2019 09:05

Op your amazing, what dreadful abuse your receiving.
Is it really that easy and smooth for op to keep her partners daughter? What if he puts up a fight?

Op it sounds awful but non of this is your fault or responsibility. Maybe ask ss first anonymously etc before making a move...

New posts on this thread. Refresh page