How to explain special needs to 5 year old?

[Champagne791]

DD is nearly 5 and has a good friend with SN in her class, DD is very observant and often talks about X at home, however she will tell me things like “X is very naughty... X didn’t take their coat off... X cries and screams lots... X didn’t listen to the teacher...X hit Z” I’ve tried to explain that X isn’t naughty, X has special needs but she doesn’t quite understand.

X’s Mum told on Friday that DD is the only name X talks about at home and would love to have DD for a play date. DD seemed very happy and excited at the idea but I’ve just overheard her telling DH that X’s very silly and doesn’t listen to their Mummy or teacher.

How can I explain SN in a way that she will understand? DH thinks school should of spoke to them and she is too young to understand

X's brain doesn't work quite the same as most children's. This means they sometimes find it hard to focus properly and control how they behave. They aren't being purposely naughty.

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However you have the right to be safe, so if you get hurt or you feel scared or unsafe it is right that you find a teacher or another adult, even though X doesn't actually mean to make you feel like that.

I've just recently had a similar conversation with my 5 year old about a wee boy in her class. I went with the 'his brain is a bit poorly sometimes, but he tries really hard and that's what matters'. She had a friend at preschool who had a brain tumour, so she understood about poorly brains doing funny things.

his brain is a bit poorly sometimes

Please don't say this if describing neurodiverse dc. Go with 'x's brain works differently'

X'S brain doesn't work the same way as other children's so this means X doesn't always understand the rules but X isn't being naughty. X is so kind/funny/good friend etc etc

I'm not sure I'd go with a poorly brain- some autistic people would be quite offended by that.

I'd go with:
a) everyone is different
b) everyone is good at different things and everyone finds different things hard
c) X finds behaving in the same way as everyone else hard and needs some extra time to learn how

Different people's brains sort information in different ways and some people take a long time to learn.

Ironically, DS has turned out to have dyslexia and dyspraxia and certainly has sensory processing issues, but he's finding it quite straightforward to accept his differences partly because we were always open about people having different levels of development. We had a relative with severe learning difficulties and still go to see his friend with similar needs and DS was aware of the differences in people very early on.

Please don't say " his brain is a bit poorly sometimes" it is not at all and as a mother of a child with ADHD, ASD and SPD I would be really upset to hear someone had said that about him as I try to explain to him about how we are all different and his brain is just wired it a different way which can make some things that others struggle with very easy but other thing people find easy very hard indeed and i recognise he is always trying his hardest and thats great. But he is certainly not ill. It is lovely you are trying to explain things in a way that she may understand the issues being faced by her friend. He works so hard everyday to "conform" and finds it a really challenge so having friends that could understand and be kind would really help him.