Sahm with OH who WFH (so many acronyms!) how do you share lunch breaks?

[StellarLunar]

I usually work outside the home but am at home for the summer. DH works from home. Today I had an early lunch and took baby out for a walk and when I got back he'd had lunch and was sunbathing. I'd also put on a wash, cleaned the kitchen, tidied up the house etc . Now if this was AIBU I'd be asking AIBU to feel miffed that DH is sunbathing on his lunch break when I don't really get a break. But it's not AIBU. Then I hung out washing while he watched. Then I sat down and we watched DS explore where he shouldn't really be and played chicken over who would get up and bring him to safety. No prizes for guessing it was me. I'm currently now putting DS down for a late nap while DH is still sun bathing.
How do others manage this? Am I being mean begrudging him an hour to do whatever? Baby is now asleep so I can do whatever I want now as long as I'm in ear shot. I can't figure out if I'm being horrible or righteous

I work pt and on my days off I share lunch with DH, most of the days I actually cook. But DH doesn’t do a proper lunch break, he eats and is back in the office.

I'm sah and he works from home.

We have lunch together with dd and he plays with her so I can sit for 10 mins or pop a washing on or whatever and he lets the dog out.

I don't think you are being mean. If he has a whole hour he could at least give you 10 mins for yourself.

You should have the same amount of downtime for sure. Did you discuss it with him? What does he say?

i think it depends on how equal all the household stuff is shared.
Whilst the baby is asleep, you could argue that - if you chose to you could now sunbathe, or sit with a book, or MN ?!?) , or whatever, so that is even.
As long as there is no 'expectancy' that you have completed all the washing / cooking / whatever by the time he finishes work, then sometimes it does make sense for some people to have a complete break / relax in the day.

I do not think its unreasonable for him to sunbathe on his break while working from home, I think it is good for people to have that time to themselves. So long as you are also getting an Hour to relax while your child naps, and the expectation isn't there for you to "get jobs done"

To be honest you sound a bit petty (and dramatic), both in competition about who should 'bring your son to safety'

To be honest, and it's not usually a popular opinion, I think as the stay at home patent you need to do most of the chores etc. I also think he's entitled to a break, because at the end of the day he's working and whilst your day is hard in different ways, you aren't.

How long does DC sleep? Isn’t this your break?

When I was a SAHM my husband was away at work all day. What he did at lunchtime was up to him - he wasn't expected to come home and "give me a break". And all the child care / housework was my job - that's what SAHM meant to me. I had a sleep or watched TV when the baby was napping.

I think you need to draw a line between his "workplace" and yours. The fact that he is ( physically) at home doesn't mean he should be jumping up to save DS from danger, hang washing while you have a break etc.

Neither of us really ever take a ‘lunch break’ (we don’t if we are actually working at the office either). We would pause long enough to eat, might quickly tidy up any mess we made, possibly put the wash on. We wouldn’t be sunbathing. It isn’t ‘me time’ anymore than ‘lunch break’ at work would be (I’d be quickly eating and possibly running to Boots or the post office on a errand). So I suppose if we actually took time for lunch instead of working, yes, I think it’s better spent doing something useful around the house, but normally we would just get back to work and finish sooner.

Thanks all for your comments. I need to think about it more. I think the issue really is that I don't think the division of labour in general is fair but DH thinks it is. Eg he thinks that if the dishes are done and the laundry is on then that's it. He'd never think to clean the fridge or scrub the shower door. He wouldn't take care of a load of laundry from start to back in the drawers. So I need to consider if I am expecting too much on top of his days in the office or if he's using work as a handy excuse to do nothing else

When DH works from home he works, he doesn’t do housework. That’s not what his work time is for.

When I work from home the odd day I also don’t do housework. I find it strange that you think he needs to do something during his normal working hours.

Housework is either done when DH finishes or on my days off.

Saying that we have a fairly tricky division of chores, DH doesn’t touch the laundry unless I ask for help and I stay away from the dishes unless he can’t do it or he is really busy with something else.

I'm a SAHM and my DH works from home. The main thing that I find difficult
to navigate is that he expects a full lunch if he's home. So for example if I'm home alone with the kids I might do their lunch and then have a lump of bread with some peanut butter or whatever is in the fridge, an apple and a biscuit. DH wants a lunch that you would order in a cafe. He can't just cobble together lunch. So he will expect a sandwich with ham, emmenthal and mustard. An omelette with chips. Flatbreads with houmous, halloumi and falafels. And I have to assemble these lunches.

It's a set up I really want to change because I am sick of preparing meals all bloody day.

That's part of it - he doesn't have set working hours. So can be too busy for house work working seven days a week but only working 10 - 1 then 3 - 6. He's not working 40 hours a week, nor is he commuting (saving time there). But I'm the default parent 24/7.

No, to don't have to @jamoncrumpets
More fool you for doing so.
If anyone working from home wants a full on meal midday, then I'd expect them to make it for themselves, if that isnt what the family are having.

@StellarLunar you (together) must have an idea of approx how many hours he works across a month though, so, although they might not be set hours, there must be an 'average' he needs to work to earn his pay? You have said 10 - 1 and 3 - 6, but x 7 hours a day, so, by my maths that is 42 hours per week.
I cannot believe that having a baby with you 24/7 equates to working 24/7. Lets take out all the time your little one is asleep, just for starters. Then - as you mention it - taking the baby for a walk in the park, is something most people would count as a relaxation. I know it is difficult to be precises, but you need to be more honest with yourself if you want to discuss his working hours, and find a better balance for you as a couple.

@jamoncrumpets why ON EARTH are you tolerating that? You're aren't his maid!! He can make his own lunch. Jesus wept. The stuff you read on here.,

@jamoncrumpets you are nuts! He can have whatever you’re having or make you both something.