No bloody peace!

[MrsRussell]

So why is it that when you've got a tight turnaround for a piece of work, every bugger and his dog wants to be your friend?

I got the contract today for a short story to be written for a Christmas anthology for my publisher. Arrived in my inbox about 4.20, due back by the end of the month, 5K words.

DS wants to show me his falconry display. This involves MUMMY WHERE IS PERRY? (his cuddly toy peregrine) MUMMY CAN I BORROW YOUR GLOVES (my 1930s vintage leather ones, natch, that my mate found in a charity shop and that are now covered in shite as a result of being used in millions of falconry displays) MUMMY CAN YOU LACE UP MY ARMOUR?
So I put on the glove, I feed the frigging toy bird, I make appropriate noises over the flying display.
Now the bloody cat wants to come in, except she bloody doesn't, she wants her bloody brother to come out, and the pair of the buggers are going to arse about on the fucking doorstep with the door open like that bloody stupid Swiss couple you get on cuckoo clocks, and my OH wants to tell me about a nightmare he had last night and have my advice on what book to keep in the bathroom in case he has another one....

I can go for whole frigging hours without exchanging a word with a soul when I've got no work on, but I tell you what, a SNIFF of a paid deadline and the buggers are like vultures, vultures I tell you.
Does anybody else get this, or is it just me???

Please elaborate on falconry display involving toy bird. Ta.

Exactly what it sounds, @kittlesticks. Toy peregrine falcon, English Heritage issue, on a bit of string. Swung round small boy's head, frequently perched on a glove eating bits of jewellery because obvs imaginary meat isn't as good as say one of my bracelets. Occasionally "stoops" from halfway up the stairs which looks to the untrained eye like being thrown off a banister.
He has seen a LOT of falconry displays as a re-enactor's brat and every bloody word has sunk in over the years.

And the poo? Genuine or re-enactment ? 😂

That is what I pictured but wasn't sure if toy was perhaps mechanical or drone. Good luck with story. I would love to be a freelance writer.

@QOD genuine, authentic, garden shite. Mostly soil. Some not. We have cats, we're not squeamish about poo in this house.
@kittlesticks I do too I got my last quarter's royalties today, otherwise I should be intolerable! It makes the difference between "wasting time at a keyboard" and "paid employment".

Am now 3K words up on the first draft and the plot is now resolved, so I'm going to turn it in for the night.
No falcons were harmed in the production of this short story!