Worried about my dd11 eating

[Darksideofthemoon19]

My Dd is 11. She’s always been slim (roughly 5stone5) but the last few weeks she’s hardly eating a thing. Tonight she had two mouthfuls of pasta. She’s started going to the toilet half way through dinner then declaring she’s not hungry.

I caught her putting her packed lunch things back the next day that she hadn’t ate.

What do I do 😩

Have you noticed anything else unusual? Do you know if anything has happened at school?

Nothing at all.

My niece developed an eating disorder around the same age and it’s massively worrying me. Although dn is perfectly healthy now.

Take her to the gp. Read 'Help your child with an eating disorder' by Eva Musby. If she is fine great, if not the earlier you intervene the better. Good Luck to you both x

Definitely take her to the GP and don’t let them fob you off with any concerns. My anorexia went undetected for over 4 years and the longer it’s left the more ingrained it gets.

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/recovery-information/worried-about-friend

Best are an amazing charity and have loads of helpful advice for all situations. I really hope everything works out for you and your daughter . If you need any advice or anything at all DM me x

Thank you all!
I can see she’s lost weight actually, her arms are so skinny. I should have noticed last year, she was obsessed with seeing her ribs!

Found out she weighed 5stone5 and is 4ft12.

Does that sound right?

You can check on this NHS website
www.guildowns.nhs.uk/bmi-calculator

It says 8th percentile, just in the normal range.

You can’t really go by weight as her body frame is unique.

What are her energy levels like?

Does she have fine down on her face?

Is she irritable over things she shouldn’t be?

Does she buy mint sweets or gum to keep in her school bag?

Having worked in eating disorder unit in the past, going to loo mid meal is not on (and was not allowed for residents, or for 1 hour after) as they would be dumping uneaten food or vomiting. It's possible to vomit silently.
Get help now.

I actually asked her when she came downstairs as she looked like she had been crying.

Today she had a pancake for breakfast then a 1 sausage, 1 waffle and two mouthfuls of beans.

She didn’t have anything for lunch.

I don’t know what’s normal and what’s not for her to eat at her age. My son is 9 and eats loads! But is athletic.

Dd doesn’t really do much exercise apart from playing gymnastics in the garden x

Hi there OP,

What's more relevant is her previous weight versus her weight now. A healthy child should not be losing weight.

A child in the healthy weight range can still have a serious eating disorder. You don't need to wait for her to be seriously underweight.

Put in a new rule she cannot go to the loo during meals or for an hour after meals. If she says she's desperate for the loo stick your foot in the door and watch her or go in with her to make sure she's not vomiting.

Talk to her, see how things go and if things do not improve even within a couple of weeks, take her to her GP. If things don't improve don't delay in getting help. Eating disorders can take a hold and will not magically get better.

I'm an ex eating disorder medic so hopefully this is helpful! Good luck.

Is there a way you can monitor her weight? I spoke to mental health practitioner who has personal and work experience with eating disorders. She said that though it sounds bad they won't even see someone in my area unless they were losing 2lb a week. I was horrified, but it's the sad fact here. She said keep a food diary, keep note of her weight then get referral in if she meets the criteria.

In kids with Ed’s you don’t always even see weight loss as they may maintain a weight but continue to grown taller or even maintain weight but not be growing as they should. Plus plenty of people with Ed’s are ‘normal weight’. So to notice weight loss would ring alarm bells, particularly when combined with purging behaviours, skipping meals and being conscious of appearance. Get in there quick these things are much easier to deal with sooner than later.
Second the recommendation for the Eva Musby book. Also check out the F.EAST organisation, it’s all about empowering parents to take control of their children’s recovery and the fall outs they will face along the way. It also has an associated forum called Around the dinner table which is a wealth of hints tips and experiences from parents who have been or currently are where you are now.

It definitely sounds very worrying and I advise you go to the GP ASAP.
The fact that she looked like she was crying when she came downstairs possibly indicates that she forced herself to vomit. Further signs immediately after include, flushed complexion, burst blood vessels around the eyes and having just brushed her teeth etc to cover up smell.
Hope things begin to improve x

She was obsessed with seeing her ribs.
That's all you need to know - it's not usual for a child of any age to be worrying about that.
In your shoes, I'd take her to your gp now and not wait.

Thank you all. I’m ringing gp today.
I will get the books too. I’m willing to do anything to help her. Xx

I registered just to comment on this Darkside, please trust your instincts. We are just at the very beginning of treatment for our teenage daughter and had noticed odd behaviours around eating for about about a year. She absolutely denied anything was wrong until we pretty much caught her in the act of being sick.
A few things that we have found is be persistent with the GP. We went to the same GP twice who told us she was fine as her weight was in the normal range. We then saw another GP who actually listened and helped with a referral to services. (BEAT website has a leaflet you can take to the GP, but our first Doctor was not helpful and just dismissed everything).
Also, involve school early on. They will have seen this before and can often access support too. The joint work of a counsellor organised through school and a sympathetic GP was when things started to join up for us. We are very early days but it is such a relief to know things are moving.
I wish you luck on your journey. X

I battle with ED
Things I do/did
Obsessive about calories
Only eat safe foods - foods that I don't find scary
Eat at regimented times
I can't break the routine of set food set time set amount
Pretend to eat but just move around plate
I'm petrified of gaining weight I weigh myself 8 plus times a day
I also take laxatives
Low mood worrying all the time constantly counting and re counting calories
I never go over 800 cals a day and if I do I exercise madly to compensate

I would look out for any of the above and also take her to the Drs

I think if I'd managed to get a hold on mine years ago I wouldn't be
So fucked up and miserable now