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Should I cut my daughter's father out her life after 8 years?

6 replies

GayleX · 04/07/2019 22:54

Hi everyone. I'm really struggling with my co-parenting relationship right now. To be honest I have struggled with it for 8 years. When I got pregnant I was 16, the father and his family were adamant I was to have an abortion and get out their life but I chose to have my beautiful daughter 😊 I reached out to the father when my LG was 1 month old and said I would love for them to have a relationship, him and his family agreed to spend time with her but only wanted to see her for a few hours each Sunday. At the time I thought this was enough. After a few years every Sunday turned to 2 Sunday's a month for 2-3 hours max. I have tried so hard for 8 years to force a relationship between him and my LG but now she is 8 she is starting to make her own mind up about him. She loves him but she knows he hasn't been a very good dad and notices he maybe doesn't love her like he should. She comes home upset every visit because he doesn't speak to her much (His new lady does) I have to convince her to go and try to enjoy her time with him but the truth is she doesn't and his lack of love and attention is starting to affect her school work and mental health. I have tried speaking to her father and explain she needs more and needs consistency but I get abuse and told no as he is happy with the arrangement 😔 my question is should I cut ties now that this is affecting her in such a negative way? Until he can step up and be what she needs? Will she resent me for telling him no more contact till he steps up? I'm so confused i know what I feel is best but I don't want to hurt my daughter. Can anyone give me some thoughts please?

OP posts:
Ayemama · 04/07/2019 23:49

Do you know what's going on during these visits?
It seems a bit alarming that she's this upset by them at such a young age.
Also the fact that he's hardly interested and clearly puts himself first and it was you chasing him to have contact rather then the other way around is a red flag.

Cutting ties at this point without a solid reason may be tricky (expect hassle from him even if it's just for appearances sake).

Could you just tell him that you're busy on certain Sunday's he wants contact as it doesn't sound like a regular thing and see if the reduced contact with him effects your daughter either way?
Might give you a better idea about what to do.

GayleX · 05/07/2019 10:45

All I know about the visits is what my daughter tells me (he doesn't speak, they watch him play his ps4 and he is always moaning at her ect) I have tried to ask him but I'm told it's not my business. I have also mentioned her mental health to him and I'm told she is lying about everything and he is not interested.
We have had periods of time when she hasn't seen him for a few months (he goes away on holidays and to football games so misses his sundays) he never asks to make up for it on other days and that also upsets her. She is upset on the first Sunday then doesn't ask about him again until he turns up one week and we are back to square one👎 it's a hard situation

OP posts:
Sear86 · 05/07/2019 11:12

It doesn't sound like the visits are doing any good for your DD. In time I think she'll want to stop going to see him.

It says a lot that he can't be bothered to stay away from his playstation for the 2-3 hours that she's there. Would he even put up a fight if you stopped contact?

megletthesecond · 05/07/2019 11:21

Seriously, let the contact tail off or stop. She's not happy going there and he doesn't appear to be doing much parenting.

No dad is better than a crap dad. I've spent the last decade pondering how my dc's, and their friends who have totally absent parents, seem to be better off than those with flakey or useless non resident parents.

Ayemama · 05/07/2019 16:46

With that information I'd say stop them or move them to supervised visits.
Doesn't sound like he's fit to look after an 8yo and tbh him not being bothered about seeing his own daughter tells you all you need to know.

Bluerussian · 05/07/2019 16:49

I think you should leave it up to your daughter to decide.

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