Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I’m an awful parent.

24 replies

Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 04/07/2019 20:12

My son was chosen to go a huge scouting thing this year in America. Three weeks away. Having the holiday of a life time.

He has since been diagnosed with severs disease ( growing to fast has caused him problems with his legs and feet ). This has lead to Him not being able to walk far. So it is looking like he can’t go.

A year ago. My husband and I decided to go on our own holiday for the time he is gone. First child free holiday in 15 years. I have been looking forward to this for a year. No teenage moaning. Trying to keep him occupied. I wouldn’t have to be a mum. I could just be me. And we could just be a couple.

Now he is looking that he will have to come with us. In reality this is fine. We have made other arrangements.

But. I am so upset about my holiday. I have thought of it every day for the last year. And now I won’t get it. I will be back to trying to find things for a teenager to do etc.

I would never let him know this of course. But I’m an awful parent I know I am. And I feel terrible. But I really wanted and needed this.

OP posts:
moreismore · 04/07/2019 20:14

You are not awful at all!! Is there really absolutely no way he can go? Can they not make arrangements for someone with limited mobility?

Original poster
Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 04/07/2019 20:17

We are looking into things. Trying to find ideas. It is so awful for him he is so upset. We all are. We are throwing all the money we have at physio and shock treatments on his feet etc.

OP posts:
sevenoftwelve · 04/07/2019 21:20

I assume you're talking about WSJ.

If so, it's so disability friendly surely you can come up with solutions? If he can't walk far can he use a wheelchair? Would different sleeping arrangements help?

I've camped with people at WS events who had to sleep indoors at night, who used self propelled or electric wheelchairs, who needed medical devices requiring reliable electricity supplies overnight, who needed refrigerated storage for medication, who had careers with them.... All kinds of varying degrees of need, ability, disability, and support and adaptations that were made possible in really challenging environments.

If you communicate with the UK contingent they should be able to make this happen. They're usually amazing with this kind of stuff. Unless they've already told you no? And if so, what's the justification?

WSJ will have a full medical staff and medical centre on site too, won't it?... Unless I'm missing something massive (entirely possible) I'm not sure what adjustments are needed that can't be made? Or is he just in too much pain? Or not medically fit to fly?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
IncrediblySadToo · 04/07/2019 21:28

agree with 7 of 12 re ‘he should be able go’ Unless he can’t fly or is in too much pain

However, you’re not a hit mum for wanting some time out to just be you/a couple and there would be no harm or shame in getting grandparents/other family/friends to have him while you are away, you don’t have to take him. He might prefer not to go too if he knows you really wouldn’t mind.

I’ve had friends kids for them before, even ones with quite complex needs one friend I minded her 3 kids, 2 dogs, and her Mum(lives with them & has medical needs and dementia). My friend needed a complete break before she had a breakdown - I was happy to help one 15yo - walk in the park!

sevenoftwelve · 04/07/2019 21:42

Obviously that was supposed to say carers not careers. Hmm

Also, you're not an awful parent for being disappointed about missing out on your exciting and longed for trip too. It sounds upsetting for everyone.

What I forgot to say in my enthusiasm about adjustments was that I appreciate it will be absolutely gutting for him to miss this event if he does, but if he stays in Scouting he will have a lifetime of opportunities to get a place on future events doing all manner of different things.

He could volunteer on the International Service Team at the next WSJ or apply to be a participant at the next World Scout Moot that falls when he's 18-25. The next WSMoot is in 2021 so depending on his birthday he might be too young then still, but the one after that should be in 2025. Not sure about Roverway timings but that's 16-23 age bracket. And any number of other opportunities. If he was selected once there's no reason to think he wouldn't be again.

This wasn't his one and only shot if he stays within Scouting. People spend their lives travelling all around the world for events like this.

aleC4 · 04/07/2019 21:51

My dd suffered really badly with this. After waiting months for a physio referral it was made better then cured quickly with such simple exercises to strengthen her calves.
Tell him to try standing in stairs with heels hanging off then dip down and up.
Other one is stand in front of a wall, feet one behind the other with affected foot in front.
Bend the knee so the knee touches the wall without the heel raising. Gradually get further away from the wall.
Good luck!

CurlyMango · 05/07/2019 22:25

I agree with seven of twelve. The scout jamboree will have so much in place and can enable all. My dd is going and everyone has so many needs. Don’t give up, although I appreciate it’s not really this, there’s still time to talk to them and work it through. Love to you

Whyismycatanasshat · 05/07/2019 23:52

The international commissioner should be able sort this in all honestly. There will be provision. Definitely.
Won’t go into detail but my contingent had a young lady who developed massive need for support 3 months prior to going to Thailand and it was all sorted far easier than anyone expected.

Good luck, push for him to go, looking back being a participant changed my life and my entire outlook on life

sm40 · 06/07/2019 00:09

My son had severs, not to
That extent but physio helped. Can you do a few private sessions
In the next few week, They Will give exercises to help him cope. Have you got the right shoes etc??

Original poster
Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 06/07/2019 07:53

We have been to the physio at the hospital who has not been much help. So we took him privately. They have been doing massages and shock therapy. Seeing another man there next week. Who can give us advice on shoes and insoles. The scout group have been fab. Just waiting to see if we can get some ice packs delivered by amazon to the main centre for him to use everyday.

OP posts:
StillMedusa · 06/07/2019 08:00

Honestly..let him go. They will manage fine. I camp once a year with a group of young people with disabilities, and we have kids with ventilators, wheelchairs, tube feeds, and they have a ball. Assuming his needs are mostly that his walking is limited and he needs pain relief, it should be more than doable :)

ZillaPilla · 06/07/2019 08:08

My son had severs. For him the pain and how much it limited his activity varied hugely. The simple physio was really effective. Obv your son has it quite bad but it might ease somewhat.

sevenoftwelve · 06/07/2019 08:57

From your update I assume he's going. Which is great. I'd be shocked if ice packs were a problem on a WSJ.

The ingenuity of uk contingent members never ceases to amaze me so you should have every confidence they will find ways to make whatever needs to happen happen - and rally to support him while they're out there.

Trust me, the adults selected to take these young people to WSJ have been excited about the opportunity to make this happen for years and want to do their best for them. Two years ago I was listening to somebody bouncing off the walls with excitement after finding out they'd been selected but simultaneously already worrying about how to make sure they gave the young people in their unit the best experience possible.

The adults involved in this event care and will do everything within their power to make it work for him.

midsummabreak · 06/07/2019 09:07

Severs disease is painful and limits mobility quite a lot. My Dd had severs at age 11 & 12 and no way could she have participated in an activity filled trip for 3 weeks. If they are compassionate and allow him to sit out of strenuous events, then yes, he can go , but think carefully, would any young teen honestly enjoy having to do that. Surely the activities are what he was looking forward to joining in, without feeling pain every step of the way

Original poster
Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 06/07/2019 12:02

It’s still up in the air if he is going or not. Still some people to see. Some therapy to still have. I don’t know what to do for the best. Does he go and have a limited time. As an example one day they are off to s baseball game for the day. He can do that. Other day he is walking round New York.
He has activities week the last week of school. He has a day at pleasure wood hills. He is going to that as he said he still wants to. So I think he can do a far amount of walking till he has to stop

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 06/07/2019 12:06

He is in the closest camp in the site. So a lot of stuff is under half an hour away. He can do what he wants to do. I really have no idea what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 06/07/2019 13:11

He has also raised and spent the last year working and find raising the £4000 so he can go. Gone on all the camps as well. It’s not just as easy as saying don’t worry about going.

OP posts:
CurlyMango · 06/07/2019 17:43

We always worry no matter what, it’s all part of being a parent. Tricky choices. Being at the closest camp would help. No one going will be able to do everything, since there is just so much on offer. Might he be able to do half, even in the groups they won’t all do the same. The cultural areas and food houses would have company and also seating to do a non walking activity. I appreciate that this might not be the first choice but might be a halfway to attending and indeed participating. Best

Original poster
Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 06/07/2019 20:21

That’s it. I don’t want him to miss out completely. So is it better for him to go and do some or not go at all.

OP posts:
Whyismycatanasshat · 06/07/2019 20:38

Definitely go and do some!
Honestly there’s nothing that can compare to a WSJ!
His scouting family will absolutely absorb him in to Jamboree regardless of how little he’s physically able to do.

Plus I’m sure there will be golf buggies about for lifts; we utilised one in 2003.

CurlyMango · 06/07/2019 22:13

Go and do some, they can all go and do some. Not one scout will do it all and so there with all get the most each of them can out of it.

midsummabreak · 07/07/2019 01:05

If he still wants to go, so be it, can you get the physio to show him the stretching exercises that help relieve the pain , then suggest he if he does them each day plus before any activity this may help ?

StinkinDrink · 07/07/2019 09:45

Very misleading title OP, how on earth are you an awful parent?? You are doing everything you can to get your son to be able to go on a once in a lifetime trip and if he couldn't you were addressing ways to include him in your own lovely holiday! I hope it all works out and both of you have an amazing time Flowers sounds like you deserve a well earned break!

Sunnysidegold · 07/07/2019 10:24

You are not an awful parent!

I think try to find out about what support he can have at WSJ. it is an inclusive event and previous posters have outlined accommodations that can be made for your son.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page