My feed

to access all these features

Join the discussion and meet other Mumsnetters on our free online chat forum.


Does anyone else find this phrase a bit “off”

18 replies

mermaid101 · 04/07/2019 13:05

Totally prepared to hear that I am being very over-sensitive, but curious to hear other’s views on the expression

“What are YOU doing here”? as a greeting?

Been met with this a couple of times in the last few weeks and it has left me feeling slightly... I don’t know... unwelcome or undermined or similar.

For context one was in a busy bar where I really felt like replying “having a drink... much the same as the other fifty of so people in here” and the other was today at a local sports club where it was fairly apparent why I was there.

I can totally understand someone saying this if you randomly met at the other side of the world or in very unusual location but in these very everyday situations it feels a bit off to me.

OP posts:
Hecketyheck · 04/07/2019 13:08

Very weird. I would find that quite rude.

WellErrr · 04/07/2019 13:10

I hear this all the time - it’s just a normal greeting when you see someone you’re not expecting.

YAB a bit precious I think.

newmomof1 · 04/07/2019 13:10

I think YABU. People use it as a polite greeting.

newmomof1 · 04/07/2019 13:11

Sorry I thought this was AIBU because of the above comment 🙈

ComtesseDeSpair · 04/07/2019 13:12

Who said it? That makes a difference. Is odd if you go to both the bar and the hobby regularly; less so if the person wouldn’t expect you to be at either.

Ohyesiam · 04/07/2019 13:13

Well it’s not exactly welcoming?
Unless you are vocally anti bars and exercise then it’s off.
But it’s about them not you. Some people have no filter, and some can’t handle the idea of unlikely ( to their mind) combinations of people and places.
Is it the same person?

letsdolunch321 · 04/07/2019 13:14

Maybe the peoples who questioned you didn't think it was a normal place for you to be.

BertieBotts · 04/07/2019 13:14

Surely it's about tone? If said in an accusatory manner with emphasis on YOU, then yes, it's rude.

PhalangeReginaPhalange · 04/07/2019 13:19

I thought it was just a normal greeting? But yeah it depends on tone I guess

mermaid101 · 04/07/2019 13:20

It was said both times in a slightly accusatory tone, with the emphasis on “you”.
It was said by two different people. I don’t think each of those places would be unusual places for me to be, so the slight tone of askance feels as if the sayer has the complete right to be there and I am intruding or something.

It’s just not something I would say. I would favour “ how are you” or “lovely to see you” or something like that.

Newmomof1 I didn’t feel brave enough for AIBU 😂

OP posts:
Magenta82 · 04/07/2019 13:29

I'm not sure how it could be seen as polite, surely its obvious why you are there and you have every right to be.

It would only really be appropriate if you had broken into their house in the middle of the night.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 04/07/2019 13:47

Person is just surprised to see see you, they didn't expect you to be there, it's really not a big deal

Nofunkingworriesmate · 04/07/2019 13:59

You are over thinking... “nice to see you” would be better but I’ve had it said to me, and I’ve said it.

CookPassBabtridge · 04/07/2019 14:02

Person is just surprised to see see you, they didn't expect you to be there, it's really not a big deal

This OP, I've said it before if I've bumped into someone without expecting it.. said with a smile and good intentions!

FirstWorld · 04/07/2019 14:06

I agree OP, I’ve had it said to me and it feels like the person greeting you is somewhat pissed off to see you in their space as if you are an intruder and somehow have no right to be there.

Much nicer would be ‘what a lovely surprise to see you here! I didn’t know you come here too / play badminton too / I love this place what do you think?’

Mummyshark2018 · 04/07/2019 14:10

It's used as a greeting, in a funny, surprised way. Yabu

letsrunfar · 04/07/2019 14:17

Definitely not a normal greeting. If someone said that to me I wouldn't take it as a greeting! It's the opposite of greeting someone!

Damntheman · 04/07/2019 15:12

I knew a woman who greeted like this. She had extremely poor social antenna and only ever meant it in a curious inquiry way rather than accusatory but it used to get my back up anyway! I'd assume these people are a bit socially inept and ignore it or turn the question back on them.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.