How did your first born handle second DC

[user4566765]

Currently pregnant with DC 2. My DD will be 2 years 7 months when I'm due. She is very much a mummy's girl. I'm constantly being told how jealous she is going to be by realtiv/friends. They obviously don't mean to upset me but I'm am really worried. I don't want her to feel neglected or jealous. Just wanted to know others experiences please and hopefully abit of reassurance.

Bump

My ds was 19m when number 2 was born. Loads of people said things to me as well because ds1 is VERY cuddly they told me it would be a struggle and he wouldn't take it well..... he took it like a trooper! Obviously he was a bit younger but he was honestly fine, he would just cuddle into my opposite side while I was feeding baby. He wasn't keen on the crying but no issues really!!
I honestly don't know why people feel the need to make these comments as it's really not helpful!

Mine was 4 and had been on her own that whole time . She was never jealous although they are now 4 and 8 and still fight over sitting on my lap . To be honest she still got a lot of the attention when I wasn’t feeding etc . I’m sure she will be very excited to have a little sister .

My dd was 3 weeks off being 2 when my second was born.

She wasn’t bothered about him at all but she’s always been fiercely independent.

The only thing she did was, she discovered that when she poked him, he cried.

She thought this was funny

They are 4 and 6 now and close siblings

I don't have a reassuring story unfortunately. DS did not take it well when DD was born. He was 2y2m and the new baby went down like a fart in a spacesuit with him. I've had to put lots of work in (and still do 4 years on) to build their relationship because they wind each other up so much. Individually they're both brilliant, but I'm not holding out hope for them to have much more than a "Christmas and birthdays" type of adult relationship.

Has my son first, he was going to be 4 in the August and I had my daughter in the May so a similar age gap to yours.

I bought a cabbage patch baby doll for him that I gave to him at the hospital when his sister was born so that he had a baby as well as mummy having a baby. That went down well.

As we got home with the new baby he turned and said, “Can we levee her outside?”

But then it was fine and I involved him in caring for her which he absolutely loves and they were incredibly close as young children. A lovely bond.

They’re adults now and not as close as they have their own homes and lives.

What I did find annoying was that visitors in the early days would ignore my son to make a beeline for the new baby or make dismissive remarks such as “You’re the big boy now” etc when only a day earlier he was the baby of the family.

Newborns don’t give a stuff about visitors coming over them so I took people to task if they were rude and ignored my son.

A friend of mine had her DS when her DD was 10 months. Her DD is very jealous of my DD being near her mummy and possessive of her toys. But she ADORES her new baby brother! Loves helping to feed him and look after him. I think as long as you make them feel involved and not excluded, it should be fine

DS1 turned 2 just before DS2 was born. For his birthday, we bought him a doll and grandparents clubbed together to buy him a doll's travel system (car seat and pushchair frame to clip it into).

Whenever I fed / changed DS2, DS1 would do the same for the doll, and we would sit and 'chat' about how our babies were sleeping etc. It was very sweet.

Should say 1 year, 10 months!

I have a 3 year age gap between dd1 and 2; dd1 took it very well. I tried to involve her as much as possible eg “helping” with nappy changes by getting wipes out, joining in with giving baby a bath etc, so she wouldn’t feel jealous or left out.

My DD was 6 and glued to me all the time. So much so she cried non stop while I was in hospital having the baby. But, she has adored him from day one. He is now 10 and she says he is the best thing ever and of course he adores her too. I think the benefits are mostly for the younger one but she loves not being the sole focus of our attention, having someone to hang out with on family occasions and of course, being worshipped as she is!

The age of the child makes a difference, as does your child's personality. I hated my younger siblings and fighting was a regular (and entertaining) past time. But I don't think my parents ever expected any less so didn't encourage sibling support (not that it may have mattered). I know Someone who has a twin they cannot stand so there isn't a magic formula or any guarantees. I expected it would be difficult because of the age difference between my two but the twin story blows that one out of the water.

Good luck!

My ds was 2 yrs and 6m when ds2 was born and I was worried about this too.
I always referred to ds2 as ‘your baby brother’ to ds1. I let him hold him and help me with him. I also made sure I spent lots of time doing things with ds1 and cuddling him.
Feeding time with ds2 was also reading time with so I made sure there were always books to hand.

There were still times of jealousy and cries of ‘send him back!’ But that was short lived. They love having each other and are so close.

My eldest was OK when new baby arrived. We did quite a bit of preparation with him though (he had just turned 3). New baby bought him a gift. He picked out a Teddy for new baby prior to arrival.
We saved to ensure he still went to nursery 2 days (rather than 3)and 1 day with my mum so had his own space and could still do things... He was a lovely helper but did find him boring at the beginning.
He used to feel the kicks, read the bump stories and I'd tell him the kicks were the new baby saying hello, excited to see him.

My husband also made sure at the weekend he took baby while I did something with eldest so he still had 1-2-1 time with me as well as his Dad.

Similar age gap and mine has been indifferent or really lovely. It can be so hard to get the right balance and on the first 3 months I constantly felt I was neglecting one of them. A sling was essential with no.2 and I ended up potty training with the newborn which was hellish but life was easier once the toddler was out of nappies.

19 months between mine

She bit his toe within 2 minutes of him being brought home.
I would like to say they are closer 20 years later....

Ds1 was 20 months when ds2 came along. I worried so much about it. He couldn’t have given less of a shit

Now 4 and 2 and best buds

25 month gap here. First born was largely ok, did a few odd attention seeking things , but really not too bad at all. In the very early days try and spend some 1-1 tine with her who she doesn't feel pushed out, and have her "help" with things. Worked for us.

Exact same age gap as yours. He's now 21 and she's 18. Although they get on fine now, I'm still not sure he ever fully got over the trauma of no longer being an only child (only kind of joking).

I would say, they really only started to get on together when he was 15. It took a lot of hard work to get there. They are very, very different personalities, which didn't help.

Brilliantly, to my surprise. My DD was 2.5 when her sister was born. We prepared her loads talking about the new baby, getting her involved in choosing and buying baby things etc and I also prepared her for me being away for a few days (planned CS so I knew I would be) by talking about her having a fun sleepover with Grandma the week before. She's never been left more than overnight before.

We bought her a pretty gift bag full of little presents (to keep her entertained!) from the baby which we gave to her when we brought baby home ("look here's your new baby sister and wow she's brought you presents! Isn't she nice!") We bought things like new colouring pens and books, fun dvds a big sister t-shirt, a 'I'm a big sister' story book etc. She loved it and they did keep her entertained when we had our hands full. That Peppa DVD worked wonders while I was recovering and feeding new baby and it was a treat for her to be allowed to watch it. She kept saying 'my sister bought it' which was so cute.

We also kept her really involved in all baby stuff. She helped with nappy changes, bringing wipes and nappies over. Helped me put my breast pump together, I let her help hold the bottle when I was feeding. Basically did all we could to ensure she didn't feel pushed out. Even now she holds up baby's water cup to help her drink from it in her high chair. We also kept to her usual routine as closely as possible. Still did bedtime stories etc.

Baby is 10m now and not once has DD ever been mean to her, hurt her or anything. Never. She adores her. She does her a bit annoyed now baby is crawling and trying to play with her toys and stuff and is now really having to work on sharing/taking turns but she doesn't lash out. She just bellows 'MUMMY! BABY IS TAKING MY THINGS!' frequently. I've made her a 'safe space' where she can play uninterrupted by baby if it's something that baby will wreck, like building a duplo house.

Good luck!

Oh and I should add that if I held another baby prior to my second coming along then DD would make an almighty fuss. This didn't bode well! My cousin had a baby three months before my second arrived and when I cuddled him my DD threw a huge tantrum. Weirdly she didn't care when her sister came. Children are weird!

5 year difference with my two and Older DD adores/ is obsessed.. with younger DD. She was and still is a mummy’s girl and although her behaviour towards us did get a little rocky she has never taken it out on her sister. I encourage a nurturing/ protective roll which makes DD feel grown up and important in the younger ones life. I adore seeing them interact. It makes up for sleepless nights and an exhausting 5 year old

I can't be reassuring ! DD was 3y 9 m when her brother was born. She came in to see him in the hospital and took one look ....."What is THAT ?" was her first question. Not at all impressed by this new person. I'm afraid it was about 18 years before they finally became something resembling friends.

I am thought my very affectionate daughter would struggle too. But she didn't much at all. It helped that DS was a very easy baby who you could put down awake. I was in hospital a while with him, so invested a lot of time into helping him get into good sleep habits quickly. Plus I wasn't well enough to spend ages settling him, so he just had to get on with it as DH was home alone with DD.

He spent a lot of his first few weeks asleep in the Moses basket, or watching from his bouncy chair. Which meant I could make a real effort to play with DD. My only regret is not investing in a sling or carrier sooner, as I'd rather him of slept there than in the basket at first. But as long as your new baby isn't too high needs and that there isn't a major personality clash it should be fine. Affectionate children often love how snuggly baby cuddles are.

My DD was 2 years 4 months so quite similar to your age difference. She was fascinated by her little brother and would be found staring at him in his Moses basket or pram. Even though I was on maternity leave I kept my daughter in her nursery routine in the first few months whilst my son was most demanding and then scaled her days back gradually. She used to get a bit fed up that I couldn't play when I was feeding my son but we got into the habit of me reading a story to her at the same time.

Ds1 was 18 months when ds2 was born. He was very indifferent to him (and still is really, 6 months in) I suppose this is better to him reacting negatively but he barely notices him to be honest!