Can we talk about the weird and hurtful things people do

[Grapeyes]

Because it happened to me today.

A family member whom dh, dc and I were very close to died recently.
I contacted an old friend of theirs who lives overseas and hasn’t seen family member for probably 30 years at least to let them know.

They immediately email back saying how sorry for those left behind and recounting a story of something nasty and totally out of character that the family member once did. It’s not that I don’t believe them but it’s almost impossible to imagine of the kind, gentle person I knew (it’s nothing criminal but I don’t want to say what it was).

WTF would you do that?!!!!!

Please, regale me with your stories before I am tempted to remove this ‘friend’ from my life permanently.

How odd! I am sorry that happened. People are just weird, unfortunately. Try not to let it colour your view of your family member. If the friend is odd enough to think that’s appropriate, then there’s a good chance the story has been embellished or isn’t entirely true. You can’t get the other side of the story now so I would take it with a huge pinch of salt. And don’t have any further contact.

Sorry for your loss. That is very strange behaviour. I'm sure of you were able to ask your family member they would have a different version. We all change the past in our memories to suit. And we've all done things we regret and are ashamed of. Even so, no good could come of unburdening themselves like that. You'll just have to try to let it go.

I am sorry, there is perhaps a reason why they havent been in touch with each other for 30 years

Perhaps the story has been lost in translation, would be better told in person.
Hopefully they meant well though.

Also, perhaps your family member was very young at the time.
try and shelve it as a mistold story

Thanks for the kind words and sensible reasoning. Both the friend who died and the other ‘friend’ were adults at the time. No idea why she would say such a thing. Even if it is true, a moment of completely out of character, unpleasant behaviour would hardly be the thing to recount when told of their death. I’m going to give her a wide berth online for a while.

Is it possible she thought that it was a funny story and has described it in the wrong way?

I wish but there’s no way anyone would think it was a funny story