I need a poem or quote for a particular to say "it was a hard decision, but you did the right thing"

[BikeRunSki]

My siblings and I (4 of us, all adults) found out recently that, for decades, DM has been carrying around guilt and shame about the last few year of DF's life,. He had Parkinson's and dementia and lived in in a Leonard Cheshire Home for 3 or 4 years before he died. DM cared for him alone for 7-8 years before that, whilst raising a family and working 2 jobs, We are KS2-universty age when he was diagnosed and he died over 25 years ago.

How DM felt/feels about this was a complete surprise to us and we all agree that she did nothing wrong. She feels that she sent him away and should have tried harder to keep at home with carers. He has no life insurance, and we had very little money (we were on FSM after he had to give up work) so 1:1 professional nursing at home, adapting the house etc was never an option.

We are going to send her some big, sunny, happy flowers, but would love a meaningful quote or poem to go on a card from us all. She is not mourning his death; or that he was terribly ill. She is not angry with the illness. I just don't know what to say; my siblings and i are always astounded how she held it all together for those years, and didn't "send him away" sooner.

I don't know of a poem but suspect that your own words would be much more powerful. I'm sure you have told your mum that she did the right thing and that you all love her and admire how she cared for your father and loved you all... But if you write it down in a proper letter she can go back and reread your words which might help them sink in.

That's so sad for your poor mum, I'm so sorry for you all.

I don't personally think a quote or poem is the right approach - I think it could come off as a bit trite. I'd just write a very simply-expresses card saying what you've said here.

I would also just write what you’ve said here. No need for a quote imo.

"It's not about making the right choice, it's about making a choice and making it right." You could add something like " You did that, Mum."

"The right choice is hardly ever the easy choice."

That’s the most fitting one I could find but honestly I think your own words would be better.

Along the lines of

Thank you Mother for all you have done for us and did for father. You made some tough decisions but they were always in everyone’s best interest.

There's The Armful by Robert Frost. It would show you understood what she faced.

I would just say

For always putting the family first even over yourself. And making us the adults we are today. We love you, always.

Something like that anyway, its a lovely idea.

I think you’re all right. There is nothing quite right. We didn’t understand at all. We just accepted her decision, it seemed sensible. We were all off growing up and leaving home and travelling and going to uni. We never saw the situation through her eyes at all. Never realised how bad she felt.

I really like The Armful. DF used to quote “Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening”, so that seems appropriate.

I agree with others saying that your own words would probably be more powerful than a quote or poem (although The Armful is a beautiful poem that does seem fitting in your situation).

If you do want to use a quote, maybe one of these is suitable for you:

"Just because a decision hurts, it doesn't mean that you made the wrong choice."

"Your inner peace and happiness is more important than reliving the past trying to understand why it happened the way it did, especially when you made the best choice."

You sound like a wonderful person, OP. I hope your mum feels better soon