Who is right?

[Thecowinthemeadowgoesmoo]

Long story short, I live approx 4 hours drive from my DC's Dad. When it comes to visits he more often than not expects me to drive more than half way so I end up driving for around 6 hours per journey (there and back).

He feels, because I was the one that moved, that this is fair. I should add that quite often it is actually his girlfriend that meets me not him so he's not the one doing the driving anyway.

Does anyone know if he is correct in this? Or does he have to meet me half way?

I'm not very good at standing up for myself with him and when I do, he's very good at twisting things so I end up in the wrong so I start to doubt myself (and my sanity). My new DH wants me to stand up for myself but I don't know if I have a leg to stand on over this?

Please no judgement on why I moved so far away.

He is right. You are the one that moved.

Is there anything court ordered? I'm guessing that only a court order would be able to say who is 'right'.

But in my view, and without knowing the background, I don't see why he should be inconvenienced and have extra cost when seeing his children because you moved away. He's doing you a favour by driving part way. Again, there may be very good reasons why you moved away and why he should be obliged to share the burden in time and cost.

There is no correct (not legally). It's down to the two adults to come to an equitable understanding. In my experience, these small power plays occur in early days after divorce and get easier with time (after first ten years lol). The question is: is it worth an argument (what are the chances of him being being reasonable) vs just being the bigger person. I'll tell you something, when children grow up they remember these things with great clarity. Maybe let your ex dwell on that thought and also perhaps drop the hint via his new Gf when she meets you half way.

I’ve no idea legally but morally as you moved then you should be facilitating visitation by either dropping them off or covering his increased transport costs . I think you are lucky he meets you anywhere near half way .

I don't know the legal answer to this but it seems reasonable to me that if you were the one to move four hours away, that you should be doing more of the travelling than your Ex. I would say the same had he moved away.

Thanks for your reply @KnifeAngel, I thought that might be the case.

I guess I just hoped that he would want to be fair.

I understand the points re who moved away and there is merit in them... but only if children don't get used as pawns which can all too often happen.

He’s right. When you moved you should have expected you might have to do the all driving for contact.

Not great for your DC having to spend so much time in the car in order to see their father.

Sorry, cross posted with lots of you. Thank you all. As I said I thought that was probably how it would have to be.

No court orders in place. Just an agreement between us.

I guess I just hoped that he would want to be fair.

That’s a bit rich.

We had similar situation. We ended up meeting half way when neither had the time to drive full way. We talked to a solicitor and were advised that was what a court would order if we disputed it.

Ok thank you.

I asked because I wasn't sure and didn't want to create an unnecessary argument with him as I don't do confrontation!

Now I know so I will carry on as we have been.

Another thing we did was each parent collected from the others house when we lived closer together. So we would pick up kids our weekend, they would pick up Sunday night. Until the move when we did it halfway in a church car park!

When we lived 4 miles apart it was still me doing most of the drop offs and pick ups. But I moved out of the marital home so same thing I suppose.