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Postnatal depression? Who to turn to when you have nobody?

29 replies

jesoza · 02/07/2019 16:33

My baby is 8 months old. I’m worried I might have mild post natal depression. I’m trying to get through it and I am having periods of feeling positive and happy, then me and husband have an argument and I absolutely plummet. It’s scary how low I can feel at times.

But my husband doesn’t understand it and I feel so stressed with it. He keeps saying things like:

“If you go to the doctors they will give you tablets and sign you off and work won’t keep putting up with you being off (I’m currently on last week of maternity leave) and then you won’t have a job, and we won’t afford the mortgage and we will have to sell the house”

“I thought you would be happier, you wanted a baby and to get married and buy this house. Why isn’t that enough to make you happy”

“You being miserable drags me down. I know you have had a lot on your plate, but there’s only so long I can deal with it before it drags me down too”

This all makes him sound like a dick and he really isn’t, he just really doesn’t understand mental illness and how hard I’m struggling. Hell, I don’t understand it, so how can he. But I need support and I don’t have anybody else I feel able to talk to. I’ve tried to reach out to a couple of friends, but they just dismiss it and say I’ll feel better soon. I don’t have a good relationship with my family any more (which I think it a major contribution to how shitty I feel) so I literally only have my husband for support.

I don’t really know why I’m posting. I think I just needed to tell someone how I feel. I feel I can beat this on my own without having to involve any medical people and have it permanently on my records. But I can only do that with support, or even just not saying shitty catastrophising statements.

I hate feeling like this and just want to feel happy again. I’m not even getting any joy out of things I used to enjoy.

OP posts:
jesoza · 02/07/2019 21:17

Thank you everyone. Genuinely thank you, it's been such an amazing help to me today. I've been keeping busy this evening and managed to get a few bits done round the house which makes me feel better. Baby is still wide awake which is keeping me distracted until husband gets home.
I'm feeling more relaxed and calmer and able to see things a bit clearer.

I absolutely appreciate everybody's advice and sharing of their experiences, and I plan to have another chat with husband either tonight or in the morning. I'll keep you all updated. Thank you all for being there for me. It was so hard to start this thread, I must have started it 100 times and I'm glad I finally did it today

OP posts:
Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 02/07/2019 21:28

OP please do get help. Even if by Friday you feel better - the things you are describing are almost exactly what I was feeling and I was so desperate for it not be ‘depression’ and for it not to be on my records, please help yourself.

Fwiw- it makes absolutely zero difference that I have depression in my records. Other than my GP being extra kind and offering support when I need it.

Also when I finally did seek help I didn’t tel my DH as he was not supportive at the time. You don’t have to tell anyone. Just do it for you.

GrouchyKiwi · 02/07/2019 21:31

Flowers The first step in asking for help is honestly the hardest one. I'm glad this has helped you.

Please keep talking if you need to. Mumsnet is a lovely place really.

1ToughCookie · 03/07/2019 16:48

Being up and down is part of depression, actually. For me that's when I'm mild and treatment is at its simplest. I've had talk therapy and whatnot, and eventually developed coping mechanisms that help me individually. I happen to be one of the people who can't tolerate antidepressant medications, so I know first-hand there's more to treatment than popping a pill. Although if that's what you want and it works for you-great! You don't even need to be on it long term. My BFF has one antidepressant med that she takes when she knows her mood is lowlike after a birth, or after someone dies, or things are really stressful. And she'll be on them for 6-12 weeks then wean off them again once she doesn't feel the need for a boost anymore. Her doctor approves in her instance.

About your husband. Any chance he's got post-birth anxiety? You don't have to accuse him of it or anything. But men sometimes lash out to express their fears and frustration at not being able to "fix" things "the way real men should", you know? Toxic masculinity in its raw form. Of course, he might just be a dick. But you know him best.

Anxiety after baby is just as common as depression (though for some reason it's never acknowledged!) and it's possible you both are coping with mental illness and are unable to understand each other. Both in relation to your illnesses and through them.

Anyway, I might be totally off with this line of thought. Go see someone like your GP or whoever, and get an assessment so you can start feeling better. There's a better way to manage how you're feeling, you just need to find it. A doctor's a good start on achieving that. You deserve it, and so does your baby and hubbs.

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