Any French people around? La Bise/cheek kissing - lots of questions

[madameratatouille]

How rude is it to not offer your cheek, if you aren't French, or just rude if someone leans in and you don't respond?

What are the rules for children - are the parents expected to encourage the children to go up and kiss the cheek of parents of their friends, as a fundamental social skill?

When do men shake hands and when do they go in for la bise?

If a French woman is actively teaching her children to do not do it,
at all, is that generally seen as odd? Or an acceptable quirk?

Are French people aware that some English may struggle with it simply because it isn't common in the UK (other than in Chelsea and Kensington) and what is their attitude to that, generally - that we should learn all about it tout de suite because we are living in France, or would they not particularly care one way or the other?

Well it depends entirely on the situation...

You wouldn't tend to kiss people you don't know, either as an adult or a child. For example, in a shop you wouldn't do anything, and if you were being introduced to someone, you (as an adult) would probably shake hands in the first instance. If you were being introduced by a close friend to one of their family members or close friends, then I guess they might, but it depends on how well you know these people.

Kids at school will do it as a matter of course, at my school it was only ever one on the cheek. And I think that is regional. As a child, I would also do it with friends of my parents, but it tended to be 2. Kids just pick it up at school, and will do it when they see that kid for the first time (to speak to). You don't kiss every child. So I would go up to my friends and do the rounds (as would they) but I wouldn't actively seek out other kids, and would only do it if I was passing or speaking to them and I wouldn't kiss kids I wasn't friendly with. Plus after about midday, it tails off, even if you haven't already had a moring bise :)

But as a general rule, unless you know the person well, you wouldn't do it. So if you have just moved to France and are meeting your neighbours, chances are they wouldn't expect that, but if they did, I'd just go with it and joke about how many they were expecting (you will invariably find some people who do 2, 3 or 4...).

Men (unless they are family members) do not kiss each other, so would just shake hands.

Thank you, that is all interesting. I don't go up to kids at school (because I am English...) but my dc's school friends come up to me - my question was - should I be teaching my dc to go up to their friend's parents?

With men, the men I am talking about are the partners of women I know - I should have said that - so I don't know them well - I find sometimes they kiss and sometimes they shake hands - I wondered what rules they followed as I find it hard to predict what they will do.

With the women who are parents of my dc's children they will usually come up to kiss me, so it is led by them. I wondered what a French woman's expectation is of an English woman would be though.

We moved here a while ago. It is something I have joked about with French friends but I just wondered what the wider view is - and it is interesting to know it can be a regional thing. We have also talked about the vous/tu thing and I am aware that the French sometimes aren't sure which to go for always either, but I seem to find it easier to grasp that, and don't make so many mistakes with it!

I meant - I wondered what a French woman's expectation of an English woman would be - ignore the erroneous "is".