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Is it a safeguarding matter?

3 replies

UsedToBeASize10 · 30/06/2019 19:01

I have a particularly difficult ex partner who I feel puts our children at risk. I guess I’d like a second opinion on some of the things he and his gf have recently been involved in.

Ok, first case. Car seats. When there was the opportunity to use his car to drive the children around in he opted to bundle them into her car with no car seats. All, I assume, to show off. She was party to this, even though he was driving. When I confronted him a few days later, he shouted and pointed in my face, telling me to f**k off in front of my girls. His gf didn’t witness this, as she only sees the ‘nice’ version of this piece of work at the moment. I logged it with the police on 101 and reported him - not her - but gave her vehicle reg over as that was the vehicle used. Nothing became of it.

Scenario number two - room sharing. Despite owning two homes, which the girls have their own beds in, he sees it fit to put them on the floor of his gf’s room on a blow-up bed whilst he and his gf are asleep in the bed in the same room. This to me is just weird and slightly vulgar. The children are now 4 & 7 years old. If one or both of them were to wake up and see anything sexual going on, wouldn’t this be a major safeguarding concern? This woman is supposed to be a social worker, too. Has he lied about her job, or is she just completely stupid? I haven’t even met her, despite them now being together over 18 months.

A few years ago, my ex did this with his first ever partner and we agreed in mediation that it wouldn’t happen again unless it was an absolute emergency. Not once have any of these weird sleepovers occurred in emergency situations. They’re pre-meditated and planned out (I think in part, to upset me).

Please can I have your opinions on this matter MNrs? I’m in a quandary as to whether to get advice from social care or whether I’m over-reacting and there isn’t actually anything I can legally do to stop this from happening. Myself and my partner make a point of having the girls in separate rooms to us and both feel this is a strange way for my ex to behave. For the record, he can see his gf 24/30 nights of the month, so it’s not like he’s deprived of attention! I see my partner 4/30 nights of the month, as we are in a long distance relationship and he only rarely stays over when my girls are in the house.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
NoBaggyPants · 30/06/2019 19:10

Scenario one is a reasonable concern but the police aren't going to be concerned about a third hand report of an isolated incident.

Scenario two, you're utterly ridiculous.

Hmmmbop · 30/06/2019 19:19

Neither are great but neither are safeguarding issues. The bedroom one, if they woke up, saw sexual activity, dad and gf knew they'd woken up but continued regardless, THAT would be safeguarding. But then just waking up, dad and gf stopping as soon as they notice that's no different to a child waking in the night and going into a parent's room.

He's not going to win dad of the year, that's for sure, but unfortunately you have to let him parent as he sees fit.

UsedToBeASize10 · 30/06/2019 19:59

Thank you for your polite response. It’s much appreciated. 👍🏻

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