Starting a new job tomorrow and I’m VERY nervous

[MiffyMiffed]

I don’t know how to calm down. I’ve been focusing all my attention on the cricket World Cup to release some tension, which is unlike me to be so over obsessed about a sport. I’ve been working part time for 3 years and this is my first full time job in 9 years.

How to calm down? I feel like crying and I feel like a fake who will expose her stupidity tomorrow when I don’t know anything and then they will regret employing me.

Ah, it will be fine! I know this as I started my full time job two weeks ago tomorrow after being part time or at uni for the last 15 years. I am really enjoying it, but be kind to yourself as well as it is very mentally tiring to begin with - but you will adjust!

Good luck

You will be fine. Not today or even tomorrow,maybe not even next week. But as time goes and you learn and get adjusted you'll find yourself answering question to "newbies" about how to do x or y.

You're obviously capable of doing and holding a job. Just do your best and give yourself time to find your feet. Making a mistake doesn't mean you failed or that you don't deserve this,just that you learned something new.

You've got this.

Thank you. Still can’t get this lump out of my throat and this feeling in my stomach. Getting very short with my kids for no reason too. I’ll miss being at home during the day.

How did it go op ?

Hope today went well

Hope your first day went well op. First day (month!) nerves are totally natural and everyone gets them to some extent. Deep breaths!

Was ok the first 2 days. Had my first meeting today and everyone had to introduce themselves (wtf). I hate these types of situations. What do I say about what I do when around in a circle? They’re all so much more experienced and higher up than me. Feel so low right now and out of my comfort zone.

Also, I have no idea when I can leave. No one has told me my work hours. Today I skipped lunch because of this meeting, so I could technically leave now. But ofcpurse I don’t know. I think I’m supposed to be just managing my own hours...is his how things work in university jobs? 😞

Depends how senior, and whether you are student facing so need to keep office hours. My team work 10-6 as we do evening teaching which starts then, I tend to only deal with PhD students (among other non studenet facing stuff) so am around 9-5 ish, but it can vary depending. Ask your line manager!

If academic, then yes, you run your own hours. As I find to my cost when I can't find them!

Yes it’s academic. It’s like a group within the university that is being funded heavily by various organisations. I’m used to my 30min lunch and 2 breaks and strict timing working in the NHS. People eating at desks, in meetings and drinking tea all day is making me feel uncomfortable. Someone is in the tea room 24/7, and first thing in the morning.

I’m feeling really sick this evening and dreading what tomorrow will bring. I’m an introvert. I’m completely out of my comfort zone and I don’t want to go in. Wish I could leave.

Academics tend to organise their hours. As long as you get the work done nobody tends to care about the hours you've worked. In all the years I've worked as an academic I've never completed a time sheet and nobody has asked me to account for my time.

Although, I can empathise with the imposter syndrome though!!! I felt like that for a while!

I’m a university administrator and I work 9-5 with one hour for lunch. There is some flexibility but it needs to be arranged beforehand.

If you are an academic then you can keep your own hours. The academic staff at my work come in (or don’t!) as they please so long as they are there for their classes and office hours.

Just ask your line manager, though I think it’s pretty bad that you didn’t tell you this during an induction on your first day.

Oh my goodness I totally feel for you. Starting a new job is so hard and everything you are feeling is totally normal in my experience, but I know how overwhelming it can be.

Firstly you are not a fake and need to hide that you "don't know anything" they hired you and they know your experience etc. Read up about imposter syndrome.

Something a new manager said to me many years ago and has stayed with me is that I expect more of myself than they expect of me, and I expect the same way be true for you too.

I would give yourself a few weeks without putting pressure on yourself to settle in. It will get easier, and before long you will think wow look how easy I managed that task or how naturally it comes and slowly it will fall into place

That THEY didn’t tell you*

That’s made me feel a little better about keeping my own hours. It feels like nobody has an idea that someone new may not have worked in this kind of setting before and is finding it hard to navigate.

Today I was asked if I wanted to bring my lunch to a meeting or if I wanted lunch from another building, and paid for by them. I found it incredibly uncomfortable sitting there eating infront of everyone. I find eating and doing work is just weird. I want to enjoy my food.

It’s not the work that getting me down. It’s the whole social situation and I don’t want to be in it. I don’t do team building activity crap, which is something else I’ll have to endure. I really needed this job. I’ll have to push through for a year until I’ve saved what I need.

I’ve looked up imposter syndrome. I think that’s me, without the accomplishments. I don’t know how I got the job. Or why they thought I’d fit in with their group. 😞

I’ve taken rescue remedy this morning and walking there now. Feel so crap.

hope you have a good day miffy x x

@MiffyMiffed it is weird when you first start in academia, especially having come from the NHS (nursing lecturer here). You'll find your feet. The flexibility in your hours can be a real bonus sometimes as can the ability to work from home. It's probably a strange time of year to start as lots of the students will have finished or be about to finish for the summer. Are you lecturing or in research or something else?

Oh Miffy I hope today goes better. I've just gone back to work after 20 years as a sahm. I'm only doing 1 x 12 hour shift at the moment as a care assistant- never done anything like it before. I'm constantly worrying about it. I feel like I don't fit in, but I know it's my anxiety talking and I'm trying to ignore it. Keep going - nearly the weekend!

Thank you everyone. Happychicken, it’s kind of research, and there are researchers involved. I can’t really go into details without outing myself, but there aren’t any students involved and I’m dealing with one part of the website.

Today has been a bit better. I’ve just kept myself busy with the little work I’ve been shown. And they’ve organised some meetings for me to attend, so I’ll be kept busy with that. I’ve also been told a few projects I’ll be working on, so things are starting to make sense.

A lovely colleague took me to a little catch up and told me about her work, and reassured me about my work hours, that (like you say Happychicken) it’s really flexible with annual leave and when I want to come in and leave or can work from home as everyone understands people have children.
I’m hoping it is like this for me. I’ve spent so long keeping to timetables, Rotas and strict hours that this flexibility is completely alien to me. They actually trust me to get on with my work 🤔.

billandted, I know how you feel (as you can see!). The anxiety is terrible especially about not fitting in. There are tonnes of people sitting out here eating their lunch and chatting and I’m on my own on my phone not even looking up. 😞. Yes the week is almost over. Thankfully.

I’ll take another 2 pumps of rescue remedy before I go back in.

There are said to be four stages
Unconscious incompetence
Conscious incompetence
Conscious competence
Unconscious competence.

There’s also a belief that if you’re at unconscious competence, you should be looking for a new job.

I bet you’re thinking you’re at the conscious incompetence stage, whereas, I’ll bet you’re really at the conscious competence one.

You know what you’re doing, you’re just unused to the environment.

How are you feeling now MiffyMiffed ?

Hi billandted, thanks so much for asking. Friday was ok. But I sat at my desk all day, and only left for lunch. I couldn’t face going to the tea room in case I bumped into anyone.

There’s also so many team get togethers that I’ve got out of for July, but I won’t be able to get out of it in a couple of months for Christmas. I’m not a social person and this is making me feel sick. Luckily I have a second evening job that they know about so I have that excuse every time, but from experience, people get pissed off with you after a while when you dont integrate in team building events so I’m dreading this aswell.

The job is fine now. I’m really looking forward to getting on with it now that I’ve been told a clear outlook of what I’m doing.

I just can’t get this socialising thing under control. I’ve been having palpitations all of today.