My feed

to access all these features

Join the discussion and meet other Mumsnetters on our free online chat forum.


Being sexy when bigger

13 replies

OrangeSunsets · 29/06/2019 21:24

So I’m absolutely going to sound like some kind of pervert that has hacked into mumsnet. HQ can verify me and I’m happy for PMs.

Delicate but necessary question. What do you larger ladies do to feel sexy in the bedroom?

For context; I was slim when I met my DH. We had a great sex life. When DD came along I gained a lot of weight. I lose, gain, lose, gain, lose etc etc.

I have been refusing to buy decent clothes since dd was born 9 years ago. I have been sad, depressed and unhappy.

DH and I are in marriage guidance counselling to sort issues (unrelated) and something has twigged that maybe I should stop worrying about my weight. He loves me. He does find me attractive but I’m holding back.

We had a very open and honest conversation where he said he doesn’t try to initiate sex because I hold off. After the honest conversation things were beyond great. Oh my!

I want to spice things up but it’s been so long and I was thin the last time I bought some decent lingerie.

So those with body confidence, a larger frame and a great sex life - what and where do you buy things from?

OP posts:
OrangeSunsets · 29/06/2019 21:25

DD is 9. This is not a recent issue Sad

OP posts:
OrangeSunsets · 29/06/2019 21:26

I’m a size 18-20 for context

OP posts:
Soola · 29/06/2019 21:30

Partners are attracted to enthusiasm more than anything else and it’s a turn off if you hold back because there are parts of your body you are unconfident about and you try to manoeuvre yourself so he doesn’t get a glimpse of those bits!

Just let go of your inhibitions and he’ll follow suit.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 29/06/2019 21:36

I think it goes a lot deeper than buying sexy underwear.
You either want sex or you don't. Putting a A pair or red lace thongs and bra to match isn't necessarily going to make you rampant.

OrangeSunsets · 29/06/2019 21:37

That’s exactly what I have just discovered Soola.
I’ve wasted so much time Sad
I want make things great again.
I think I broke him in 3 days after 9 years of holding back... I need to ease him back in Grin

OP posts:
OrangeSunsets · 29/06/2019 21:41

That’s what i’m Ineffectually saying Babyspider. I am dealing with the issues and I realise how ridiculous I am being. I want to make things great but I am completely baffled on how to buy some sexy lingerie now that 8 am not a size 10!
I know how to buy some toys, oils, candles etc. I have many of those things. But things to make me feel sexy? Not a clue. Not on the high street as far as I can see! Unless I’m missing something, which is why i’m Asking.

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 29/06/2019 21:41

The thing is though, Soola.
You're telling op to lose her inhibitions which is fine. However you're also saying "hide those bits".
Losing inhibitions isn't about hiding anything. Its about saying.
"okay so I've got cellulite on my legs and stretch marks on my tummy, but so what. Who gives a shit. Its hardly the end of the world

OrangeSunsets · 29/06/2019 21:43

I don’t even have pretty normal clothes and dresses. 8 find shops catering to larger ladies seem to stock skinny girl clothes in a bigger size. That doesn’t really work...

OP posts:
OrangeSunsets · 29/06/2019 21:44

I think you misread babyspider. She was summing up what I do... hiding bits and only showing others...

OP posts:
Mylittlepony374 · 29/06/2019 21:48

// have wide range of plus size lingerie. I used to be sized 18-20 like you and found them great.
I completely understand what you mean about being sexy when bigger, particularly when you have been smaller.
My husband would be of the same opinion as above posters- nothing is hotter to him than my enthusiastic initiation/participation. He gives no fucks if I'm size 12 or 22.

Soola · 29/06/2019 21:51

When we look at ourselves we tend to be harsh and see the negatives. Our partners do the opposite and look at us and see the positives.

So if you’re thinking, “oh please don’t look at my ginormous thighs ....”

He’s looking at you thinking, “wow her tits are amazing”!

OrangeSunsets · 29/06/2019 21:54

That’s just it Mylittlepony he doesn’t care. Of course he would prefer me slimmer but it’s me that has been holding back. It’s strange because I think i’ll lose weight now i’m happier.

OP posts:
ProfOf · 29/06/2019 22:27

Confidence is everything. Believe you are sexy and wanted and behave that way. Nothing is sexier than a woman who believes in herself.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.