Can anyone help me word this message please *trigger warning*

[Bentley111]

A really good friend of mine lost a baby in Feb 2 weeks before her wedding day & I know she’s been unsuccessfully trying since. I've had two mc's and she leant heavily on me for support.

I'm now 12+2 and starting to break the news to friends. She’s a lovely girl and I know she’ll be thrilled for us but I’ve been a crap friend and have completely put off telling her. I want to message her before DH and I
a. announce on Facebook this eve and
b. I see her next weekend for my best friends birthday.

Can anyone help me word a message? I’ve been staring at a blank screen for half an hour with no idea how to put it.

We also have other mad superstitions though around pregnancy - as in you must go out a different door than you came in! So if you visit a friend and go in the front door, you must leave by the back door lol. That tradition has mainly died out though or you'd have a lot of pregnant women climbing out of flat windows these days haha!

@Cassort it's really none of your business what anyone else chooses to announce on Facebook. Not sure why you felt the need to lecture the OP on that choice as it is entirely irrelevant and you have no idea who her friends are or how many she has etc.

Honey - since she's announcing it on a public forum, it sort of is my fucking business.

I find FB gloating to all and sundry a little tacky to be honest. You've no idea who is reading, so why not take out an ad in the local newspaper complete with baby scan. Nobody actually cares apart from immediate family and it might possibly upset a number of people.

THIS is a public forum so since I'm on this public forum, I'll engage with a public discussion.

And gloomyfriday - it's none of your fucking business what I reply to posts on here. Sorted? Good. Now go back in your box.

Wow, just wow

cassort I'm not sure what has upset you so much but I think you're being a little unnecessarily angry. Do you really need to swear? You could have made a respectful point without directly targeting other posters.

When someone targets my post, I will respond.

If someone comes on MN asking for opinions, they're going to get them! I think it's unnecessary and thoughtless to announce shit on FB. Most people don't care and those who might care already know. Who have you left? The people who are having their nose rubbed in it.

Christ.... that escalated quickly.

I actually agree with @cassort I HATE pregnancy announcements on fb... simply no need, also OP is already aware that this will hurt at least one dear friend... besides this... been in shiity situation, definitely text :( of course she will be happy but ttc successfully as you know brings out so many unwanted emotions....

Congratulations OP!

When I got pg with DD I was very careful to tell key friends in person who I knew had struggled in that area and asked everyone to keep it confidential. Nothing went on Facebook until about 20 weeks when I was sure all the key people already knew. Since then I've had two miscarriages and infertility and I'm very glad I made the effort. I see why others are saying text so as not to put her on the spot but for me that would have been too impersonal.

*I see why others are saying text so as not to put her on the spot but for me that would have been too impersonal.i

It’s nit impersonal. It’s kind and considerate.

My SIL lost a baby at over 20 weeks, was only a few months later I became pregnant. They was very upset over their loss but she always asked me if I had had any luck (she knew we were trying)

I told her and felt guilty but she was genuinely happy, they are trying again soon and she focuses on the fact that we could potentially have children that are close in age so they can grow up together.

I have family that dont like discussing my pregnancy infront of her. But she said that's absolutely nonsense of them, she absolutely doesnt mind, yes it was a horrible time for them, but they are going to try again, not all hope is lost for them.

I would just be open and honest with your friend, you've been a support for her, and she can do the same for you.

Hope the text went ok last night, OP.

Btw I'm Irish and have never heard of the so-called Irish superstitions around pregnancy that Cassort was on about. I also don't say "please God", nor does anyone else I know (since my granny passed away). It might be an individual thing but it's certainly not general in Ireland.

Well I announced on FB in the end and got a massive positive response. I don't have time to phone or meet up with every single relative or friend to tell them. Perhaps your circle is so small that you can?
I like seeing people's good news. I love engagement/baby announcements. I even love seeing how someone has bought a nice bag that's made them happy or been treated to a nice meal out. It makes me happy to see others happy. Don't be a killjoy.

Massive congrats op it is a very special time for you and your dp.

Sorry if I came across as a killjoy

And gloomy Friday. Its none of your fucking business what I reply to posts on here. Sorted? Good. Now go back in your box.

Phil Mitchell's on Mumsnet.

Years ago my auntie was pregnant with twin girls
She was also married to a twat who beat her up-he pushed her down the stairs-twins born at 6 months and only one lived
A few years later my mother caught on with twin boys

My mother said it was the hardest thing she’s ever had to do-telling my aunt-she really panicked telling her
But my aunt said that by being told face to face was for the best no matter how much it hurt her
The worst thing my mother could have done is go no/low contact with her borne out of ‘guilty shame’
I’m sure your friend will be so happy for you

Bentley, your friend might be OK now and will almost certainly be pregnant soon if she isn't already but you are right (and kind) to be sensitive to her feelings. Text or email her with your news and take it from there.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

@QuimReaper sorry a bit late replying, but yes I do prefer bad news to my face if possible.

magneticmumbles Fri 28-Jun-19 20:14:03

There’s something I need to tell you. I thought it would be better to message rather than tell you face to face so that you don’t feel pressured to act pleased if it actually upsets you. I’m xx weeks pregnant. I was going to start telling people soon and didn’t want you to hear it second-hand.

This is what would have worked best for me. Good luck, OP