Ds9 constant questioning of times is driving me insane

[Darksideofthemoon19]

I’m 99% sure ds is on the autistic spectrum. He’s so smart, caring and loving but also a pain in the bum 😩

His new thing is to constantly worry about being late, getting ready etc. For example he had a foodball match on Sunday, I told him we need to leave at 2.30 and to take a picnic. He constantly questioned me if we really need a picnic and how do I know, he does this all the time like have no faith in me and questions everything.

Anyway, from 7am he constantly asked me every 20 mins if he should get dress, if he should make his picnic. I said I will tell him when to get dressed and I had made the picnic but that didn’t stop him worrying.

Tonight he has Cubs, Iv said you don’t need to leave until 6 but he’s been down 5 times to ask me to make sure I tell him when it’s time to go, I told him we haven’t even had tea yet.

He’s never been late to anything! 😩

My first thought would be to write the times down and give him a watch and set alarms for when he needs to do things. Hopefully he will get the message that he doesn't need to worry until the alarm goes off.

My Dd was like this and I found you need to let them be in as much control as possible.
So the night before we’d talk about what was happening the next day and what needed to happen to leave on time. She’d make a little note about it. I think the process of doing this made her a lot less anxious and consequently a lot less questions.

She’s 28 now, extremely organised women in charge of organising a lot of people.

Sorry excuse typos.

Can he tell the time, and does he have a clock? We found an analogue clock worked rather than a digital.

The obvious question, does he have access to the time?

Visually could you make a big sign on a piece of card or whiteboard and write what he needs to do, next to pictures of a clock face with the hands drawn on to signify what time?
Could even do a countdown - so by each task write 'xx minutes till we have to leave.'

Just to help him feel in control of exactly what the process is from home, to getting ready, to leaving, to getting there.

Has something triggered this anxiety recently? Has he been late for something or has forgotten something important?

Yes to getting him a watch and also help him write out his schedule for the day ahead to try and relieve some of his anxiety.

Best wishes to you both

Sorry yes I should have said, he has a clock in his room and can tell the time, also
Time on his iPad. We have a clock in most
Rooms x

Is there not an app you can download under the productivity heading that could help with this?
An organisational diary or something?

I shall look!

Thank you all!
He has a Fitbit too which tells the time. I’m not sure where it’s came from 😩

Asking the same question over and over is a sign of anxiety. It’s not that he doesn’t have any faith in you, it’s that he needs to hear the same thing over and over to reassure himself that he got it right, that nothing has changed, that he hasn’t missed anything, that you haven’t missed anything.

Rather than getting annoyed, you need to deal with the source of the anxiety. If it’s worry about being late then visual timetables, a clock/watch.
If it’s more general anxiety then that’s more difficult and needs a proper conversation.

For some reason nine years old seems to be peak time for anxiety. I went through very similar with DD at the same age and she is totally NT. It lasted about six months and then settled down. I think it's a developmental thing. The brain gets flooded with hormones and it sends them a bit nuts. Once the anxiety died down, she all of a sudden turned into a tweenager and stopped being a child. It's a very odd age!

My DD used to do this from about 5-14 very repetitive and treated me with an air of caution e.g. If there was an own clothes day I'd have to show her the letters, emails but that wasn't enough she'd make me ring round the school, all her friends parents and had to witness this to believe there was any kind of change of schedule.